The guys wrap up the discussion about Gottman’s four horseman of bad behaviors in a marriage by covering Contempt. Usually when this horseman arrives, it is after a long time of hurt for one or both people in the relationship. Even though it is very hard to come back from this, Chris and Craig provide actions you can take now to start making improvements to your relationships to keep these horsemen away.
Tune in to see Contempt Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Listen for the following takeaways from the Show:
- Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse them.
- Even healthy relationships have the four horsemen, but it is how you handle these situations.
- You get into a contemptuous stage due to being exposed to great levels of pain for a long time.
- Hurt people hurt people ~Kasie Morgan Ep. 112
- What do you do to prevent the distress of the four horsemen?
- Accepting bids for attention
- Making request or asking for reassurance.
- Soft start – when you slowly bring up something you want to talk about. Not an explosion of expressions.
- Turn toward your spouse instead of away from them.
- Name the storm or call out your trigger state.
- Avoid blame.
- Purposefully generate hope based on what your focus point is.
- Think about the Gold circle of marriage from episodes 123-125.
- This boils down to an awareness of yourself, what triggers you, and how you react to your partner.
Part 1: Criticism, a Bad Marriage Behavior: Gottman’s Four Horsemen
Part 2: Defensiveness and Stonewalling, Bad Marriage Behaviors: Gottman’s Four Horsemen
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