The guys continue to talk about bad behaviors in marriage by going over defensiveness and stonewalling. When working on keeping a healthy relationship or trying to improve an already strained one, these two behaviors will cause your relationship to stall. These can also lead to the final horseman of Gottman’s that we will talk about tomorrow.
Tune in to see Defensiveness and Stonewalling Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Listen for the following takeaways from the Show:
- Chris’s theory that an abandonment person tends to be more critical and that triggers the engulfment person to be defensive.
- Defensiveness is when you see yourself as a victim.
- Those external forces cause you to react a certain way.
- Interpretation of what is said to you and how it is said to you.
- Once you become defensive, it shuts down the conversation.
- Invalidates the other person whether they are being critical or defensive.
- Stonewall is when you isolate yourself from the other person.
- Abandonment person will give up the chase.
- This can make the other person feel invisible or unvalued.
Part 1: Criticism, a Bad Marriage Behavior: Gottman’s Four Horsemen
Part 3: Contempt, a Bad Marriage Behavior: Gottman’s Four Horsemen
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