When looking at the question if you can control your emotions, you must first look at both parts of that question. First you look at what it means to control and then look at what are your emotions. After we answer those questions, we look at the difference between stopping your emotions versus controlling emotions.
Tune in to see if you Can Control Your Emotions Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Think about these three questions as you listen:
- What is meant by control?
- What really are Emotions?
- Is there a difference between stopping emotions vs. Controlling emotions?
Links referenced during the show:
What Are Emotions? | Psychology Today
Dysregulation: Definition, Symptoms, Traits, Causes, Treatment (verywellmind.com)
Intro Music by Reid Ferguson – https://reidtferguson.com/
@reidtferguson – https://www.instagram.com/reidtferguson/
https://www.facebook.com/reidtferguson
https://open.spotify.com/artist/3isWD3wykFcLXPUmBzpJxg
Audio Podcast Version Only
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Episode #247 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello, this is December, November, October,
John-Nelson Pope: October 12th,
Chris Gazdik: October the 12th, 2023, October the 12th, 2023 guys. This is through a traditional Columbus
John-Nelson Pope: day.
Chris Gazdik: Is it really? I don’t know. Indigenous.
Why would we not talk about indigenous? We can talk about indigenous people’s day. We are, we are, Victoria, we are way moving on. We are way moving on from that. This is Through a Therapist’s Eyes. I have, I am Chris Gazdik your host with Mr. John Pope over there. How are you? I am outstanding. Good to see you, sir.
And good to see you again, ma’am, Miss Victoria Pendergrass. You have been, you have been missed. We’ve had a weird schedule. Yeah. You know. You call me when you have an 18 month old. Is that all about child [00:01:00] care, but we didn’t do a show last week, which apologize. We got Did the monthly review you had the child care deals Been a little while since we’ve seen you so we’ve missed you welcome back We’re going to be talking about can you control your emotions similar that we’ve talked about?
I guess the group was kind of telling me before You know about five six months ago, but it’s a it’s a really good topic to kind of rego through because you know Listen to these questions. They’re really paramount to what we talk about with therapy, right? Like what is really meant by control and what really are emotions anyway?
and is there a difference between stopping emotions versus controlling emotions and I think there’s a lot of Confusion that I hear people kind of get into with this, with this topic. But anyway, little intro stuff. This is a through a therapist eyes where you get insights from a panel directly in your home or your car, but it is not delivery of therapy services in any way.
Got the book. [00:02:00] Number two, kind of coming out, coming about, pretty cool on marriage. Totally early on that yet, but I just want to start talking about it, getting excited about it.
John-Nelson Pope: Are we looking at the 2024?
Chris Gazdik: Oh yeah, it’ll be definitely 2024. Yeah, the editor’s got to do stuff with it. We got to get the cover and all that kind of stuff.
But it is, I have in my possession, like an edited version of the whole book. So that’s, that’s kind of cool. Not quite, but close. It’s, there’s a lot to it. My gosh. John wants you to give us five stars, not four stars, right? Exactly. Five stars. You really get upset about that. Yes, I do. Four star
John-Nelson Pope: review.
Well, yeah, I’ve seen four star. I’ve seen one star, but not from, from you. It’s all five star.
Chris Gazdik: Listen, we have a show sponsor, First Horizon Bank. I believe they should be called First Horizons Bank, Victoria, right? First Horizon Bank.
Victoria Pendergrass: Horizon. Yeah, we’re [00:03:00] not going to have this conversation again. Not, no.
They can go back and listen to a previous
Chris Gazdik: episode to hear that. Listen, they’re an awesome bank. Nice private personal feel. You go into their branches and you get a nice neighborhood, you know, comforting, hometown feel to their bank. They got all kind of services. We found out that they are based in Memphis.
Did I say that correct? Yeah, really? Tennessee somewhere. Where’s the…
John-Nelson Pope: I think Memphis.
Chris Gazdik: I’m getting it wrong. I’m not sure. Was it Memphis? Neil’s telling me, yeah. So Memphis, Tennessee is where they’re headquartered. They’ve got branches all throughout the Union. So, First Horizon, we love having them back on board.
So, this is the human emotional experience which we do endeavor to figure out together. Let me start out with just a one word answer. Guys, John or Victoria, race to see who goes first. Can you
Victoria Pendergrass: control your emotions?
Chris Gazdik: She did it. I’m supposed to ask.
John-Nelson Pope: I say as a Vulcan, [00:04:00] as a Vulcan, as a Vulcan, I think it’s live long and prosper that yes, you can control your emotions, but you can regulate them.
Yeah. Okay. It’s
Chris Gazdik: a simple answer. Yeah. Yes. Right. Yeah. Victoria. Live long and prosper. Who would say no. Who would ever say no to this question? Seriously.
Victoria Pendergrass: Like the five year old that I see, and the seven year old, the ten year old.
Chris Gazdik: Do adults not believe this belief? I tell you, this drives me nuts a little bit.
I’m not gonna lie. This drives me nuts. I can tell you’re a little
Victoria Pendergrass: agitated. Not a woman who’s not agitated, but like, worked up.
Chris Gazdik: Am I worked up? I
John-Nelson Pope: think it’s harder for some people to control their
Chris Gazdik: emotions. That’s another story. Anyway, sorry, what’s that John? I think it’s
John-Nelson Pope: harder for some people to control their emotions for various reasons.
This is, let’s say if a person has a head injury that might make it very difficult or problematic. Let’s say somebody [00:05:00] has a let’s say a congenital condition. That might neurological condition that might make it difficult.
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely. Like, we’re gonna get into this a little bit for sure and you got some really good specifics that are there because there, there is biological reality to what we experience with emotions, but, or, and, not a but, and, you know, we, We work to manage those things is, is, I mean, that’s like a mic drop.
Honestly, you know, we’re going to talk a lot about regulating our emotions today, but you know, it, it drives me nuts, Victoria, if I’m worked up about this topic at all, it’s because our entire industry is designed around helping people with this yet. There’s the vast amount of people in, in our, in a public, I would venture to guess would agree with sentences and statements.
And I was looking at quotes. I’m not going to have enough time to go through it with our content. quotes. These are famous people making all kinds of quotes about controlling your emotions and it’s [00:06:00] that you can’t, so to speak. And it’s just, it’s a farce. Like you, you, you manage them and regulate them. So yeah, I was
Victoria Pendergrass: going to say, it’s kind of like how, when I work with people on their Intrusive thoughts and things like that you can’t necessarily control the thought that comes into your brain But you can control like what you do with the thought
John-Nelson Pope: so how you mediate it
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, so I think I like equate that same thing to emotions like you might not be able to Make yourself feel a certain type of way, but you can control, like, the, how you
Chris Gazdik: regulate it.
Exactly. And, and we want to really get into that that today. You know Barbara Brown, right? He says, good evening. We’ve got to give a shout out to miss on the YouTube, on the YouTube live. All right, let’s, let’s examine what we really do. We mean by control. So I already use the word. So I guess I [00:07:00] stole the thunder a little bit, but I mean, if you really think about controlling emotions, we’re really kind of talking about regulating our emotions, right?
Emotional regulation. Emotion regulation. You ever hear of this, Victoria?
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. Yeah. I worked in an elementary school.
Chris Gazdik: Give us a rundown or like we’re familiar with all of these things because we talk about these things all the time. I want to break them down a little bit tonight to simplistic terms, but what would you say if I ask you to kind of just give us a rundown on emotion regulation and what you, you know, dumb it, dumb it down to the seven year old level for us all, right?
Victoria Pendergrass: It’s basically just be having strategies or coping skills in place to manage like a feeling. So, for example, if I were angry, I could punch a hole in this wall right here. Like, that would communicate my anger. That would be… You
Chris Gazdik: know, I have observed my son doing
Victoria Pendergrass: yes But that would probably not be like the [00:08:00] best choice and regulate it like that would mean that I can’t regulate it It’s right there for yes But if I could maybe like if John wasn’t sitting here if I could like punch the sofa Instead of the wall then I can have a little bit a man
Then I mean it’s more about like I don’t want to use the word control, because that’s what we’re talking about,
Chris Gazdik: but…
John-Nelson Pope: When I was back in in the 70s, and we did groups and in, in group therapy, we would have these batons. Yep. And if you got angry, you could, you could use that. Ooh!
Chris Gazdik: Like a dammit doll!
A dammit doll. Yes!
Victoria Pendergrass: Am I the only one in here that knows what a
Chris Gazdik: dammit doll is? I mean, I can assume by the name. It’s
Victoria Pendergrass: literally like a crazy looking, I have, I keep one in my office. And it’s got a little saying on it, that when you can like, you hit it and, It’s like till the stuffing comes out and you yell, damn it, damn [00:09:00] it, damn
Chris Gazdik: it.
That’s, that’s a new play on things. Victoria. I just clipped in with you, John. Yes. The Bobo doll, the Bobo, the clown, right? Every kid had this stand up thing and you punch it. Oh, I would go to town on the, the, but it’s not a doll. It’s Bobo the clown, right? Right. Yeah. Right. There’s a plethora of things that we do to manage our, the way that we feel, but how many times have you heard different expressions, you know, my buddy, Adam, on the show loves to tell me, Neil, you know what I’m going to say here, right?
It is what it is, right? Isn’t this what he says? And what line did we add to this that forevermore when you hear that you need to add the second line? So I’ll do what I can do. So yes, it is what it is. I can
John-Nelson Pope: do what I
Chris Gazdik: can do. So I will do what I can do, but like, I don’t want to hear the first line without the second part of the line, but you know, you feel what you feel, emotions just happen.
I’m [00:10:00] going to be comfortably numb. You know, I can’t change what I feel. I just feel what I feel like. These are things that people actually literally believe. Are there other ones that I’m missing guys? Like, have you heard these phrases and these statements that. You know that people will make
Victoria Pendergrass: I mean, I mean, yes, I’ve heard of them, but I can’t think of any more.
John-Nelson Pope: I’ve got nothing
Chris Gazdik: How about ones that Indicate we can control what we yeah control you got any to come to mind for that.
John-Nelson Pope: Well, you see they’re not as pithy
Chris Gazdik: They’re not as pithy?
John-Nelson Pope: No, no. In other words, we, we do much better as I can’t help myself or or you just say that’s just the way I am.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, that’s a good one.
Yeah. That’s just the way I am. Yeah. You have to accept me or not. These things. We just support a disempowered state and we exactly. [00:11:00] We really don’t want to subscribe to that guys. I mean, I know these things are challenging. I know these things are hard but we really don’t want to subscribe to the the disempowered state of I’m out of control.
I’m out of influence. It just kind of washes over me like it’s it’s just not it’s just not true. I don’t want to go too far into it but you know because I know we can go into the Adlerian psychology pretty strong but Let’s understand what it is that we’re really talking about. If we were to try to needle in, what really are emotions?
Let’s, let’s spend a little segment on that. So you
John-Nelson Pope: want to second that emotion? Yes.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. What do you mean?
John-Nelson Pope: I was just, another mood another song reference.
Chris Gazdik: Oh. Yeah. I don’t know that song. Well,
John-Nelson Pope: that’s a, that’s a Motown song. Okay.
Chris Gazdik: I want to second the emotion.
John-Nelson Pope: Yes. Well, what, what in terms of what is [00:12:00] emotion, I think it’s obviously very natural.
We all have them. I think it’s a process of learning how to live and interact with other people. And so you don’t have a value level saying emotions are bad. And there’s a certain bad emotion or there’s a good emotion. Emotions are, are what we are. We all have them. Except, except we need to learn how to regulate them.
Chris Gazdik: I was going to say, actually, it’s an interesting question, right? Are they bad? Are they good? Are there some emotions that are good? Are there some emotions that are bad? Like, how do we quantify, qualify? No. What do you mean? Go. I
Victoria Pendergrass: mean, when I work with kids, I don’t teach them that there are good and bad emotions.
We teach that there are like, big feelings and small feelings.
Chris Gazdik: I actually, I actually, I actually, I [00:13:00] actually.
I know that song reference. Yeah. We got to put you on a song quota, man. What? We got like,
Victoria Pendergrass: some of these books that I read have like a playlist. At the beginning of the book for the songs that are mentioned throughout the book if we need to do that But for John like a playlist for the songs that John’s things like
Chris Gazdik: well I think it just comes to you naturally so I don’t know that we could do it list But I don’t like I said before I don’t want to go too far into it.
But yes, they’re neither bad. They’re not good They just are and you know, there’s a whole Brand of psychology. We talked about on the show at Larian psychology was actually because I went to an Ed Larian psychology conference and I was like all, you know, like at Larry and out, right? But it was, it was really, really cool because that really gets at.
The time just after Freud when psychology was really kind of becoming a boon [00:14:00] and Alfred Adler did a great job of helping us all to really learn that emotions are just here to guide us. And
John-Nelson Pope: he had such an emphasis on, on the social contract social interactions and families and groups and schools and work business, everyday lives with friendships.
And so there’s that, so there’s that aspect, I think naturally for, for regulation,
Chris Gazdik: right? I think what just came to me is an awesome phrase, I think. Emotions are neither good, neither bad. Emotions are simply necessary. Right? Right. I think that’s a really good way, I think that’s a truth. Well, there are human,
John-Nelson Pope: humanity.
There are humanness.
Chris Gazdik: Or human interactional reality, right? Yeah. If you’re anxious, you gotta look at… In Adlerian psychology, what is that [00:15:00] anxiety directing for you? What is it creating for you? And what do you need to then take into action to do right? Like if you’re depressed, there’s some, there’s some messaging that’s going on that your emotional system is really geared to teach you and guide you.
Like we, what we would be incapable of interacting in that social construct that you express, John, without emotions. Right? That would be, you know, virtually impossible. And that’s a neat thought. I mean, it’s part of what gives us our humanity and interaction. So, neither good, neither bad, but necessary. I like to think about the chemical reality with emotions.
What do you all… Do y’all really think about neurology much or,
John-Nelson Pope: I have my chemical
Chris Gazdik: romance . Is that another song I’m gonna shoot? Oh, it’s a band. It’s a band. Shoot. If it’s right now it’s a band. It’s
John-Nelson Pope: a band. It’s a band. It’s a band. Really cool
Chris Gazdik: music, John. You’re [00:16:00] cut off man, you’re cut off. No more, no more, no more.
All right. Now I’ve lost my thought. No, no. You’re
Victoria Pendergrass: talking about the chemical, do we think about, do we think about like the neurology, neurological side
Chris Gazdik: of it?
Victoria Pendergrass: So do you sorry, no, I do
Chris Gazdik: not, I do. Yeah. I do a lot. I do a lot. Describe how you use that in your work, John. I’m, I’m really curious, right? For
John-Nelson Pope: example, I have a client which I, I think has a very aptly named disorder.
It’s IED, intermittent explosive disorder.
Victoria Pendergrass: Oh, that’s fine.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. And he
Chris Gazdik: came, he
John-Nelson Pope: came to
Victoria Pendergrass: my office,
John-Nelson Pope: no, he’s, he’s classic. But his. Knuckles were absolutely skinned to the, and he got started and he pounded the [00:17:00] wall like you talked about. Like in your office? No, no. Oh. No, I, I had, I had another client who, who broke her iPhone.
Threw it against the, the, the wall. Nice, yeah. So that was very expensive. And he… And he had this, and I think you see it more often in men, I think a lot more
Chris Gazdik: in men with the intermittent explosive. Yeah. Yeah. You
Victoria Pendergrass: don’t see too many women,
John-Nelson Pope: but, but there’s a, there’s a biological, I mean, a biochemical aspect to it.
And so for some reason there seems to be a flooding or just that there’s a blind rage. And so they’re not able to stop, and that’s, and there’s literal blackouts in some cases, and doesn’t remember what happened.
Chris Gazdik: I’ve always been, honestly, I know this is going to take us on a little detour, and I [00:18:00] apologize for that, but I’m curious what either of you experience with this.
It, it has been always a fascination of mine, and I’ve never understood the experience with. And like you just said, you know, you hear the word blind rage and I’ve heard people describing seeing red Literally. Literally, yeah. And it is, it’s literal. I’ve had these conversations. It is, it’s a literal experience where you’re, you’re seeing red and visually blacking
John-Nelson Pope: out.
That’s in, that is the brain doing
Chris Gazdik: that, I’m sorry. So, so, go ahead, yeah, go. No, go ahead. I’m, I’m fascinated. Go. Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: Well, it’s, it’s, in other words, that’s occurring. A process in the brain. It’s not something that the person sees out in front of themselves. So that presents that way, but it’s like a flooding.
It’s like for example, if you get a a migraine headache, then some people lose half of their visual field and like [00:19:00] a skim or like a curtain going down. And so everything becomes very dim, it becomes derealized and and a person dissociates at that point. So it, there’s a neurological process.
I’m not quite sure where it g
Chris Gazdik: wondering, I’m
John-Nelson Pope: wondering if it’s in the limbic system. And I certainly think that there’s a cut off on the frontal lobes where it, everything is kicked back into more of a primitive primitive brain, which isn’t primitive really.
It’s, you know, evolutionarily, it’s, it’s been around for 500 million years, but right.
Chris Gazdik: The, the limbic system or our limbic, right, right. Yeah. See, that’s what I’m getting at. We need a great neurologist that we may have a beat on to, to talk about that because I’m fascinated at the,
John-Nelson Pope: I’d love to get a
Chris Gazdik: [00:20:00] neurologist, right, right.
Because it’s fascinating, cutting edge stuff where I have suspected and you were getting at that. And that’s what I want. The mechanisms of like. It’s just fascinating to me how people can cut off memory and see physical change in their environment, all because of a, of a level of anger. And it’s an intense emotion.
And actually it’s probably not even related to just anger. It’s much more of a feed in of a bunch of bunch of stuff. Cause you know, therapy one on one tells us anger is actually the result of a whole lot of other things kind of going on, but it’s like basically feels like to me, the brain is over. Taxed.
It’s like the car engine. So it needs to be rebooted. Just needs reboot. It’s a computer, you know, the blue death, the blue screen of death. You ever hear of that? Oh yeah. That’s, that’s what’s happening. Like when people are in this state, I feel like, but Windows
John-Nelson Pope: 95. Huh? Windows
Chris Gazdik: 95. Yes. Windows [00:21:00] 95, the blue screen of death.
That’s not a band, Victoria, or a song.
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m not that young. Well, I am, but I know what you’re talking about.
Chris Gazdik: So, so that’s cool. Sorry for the little detour there, but And
John-Nelson Pope: I think that might be a subject, a topic that you might want to
Chris Gazdik: Explore further? Explore further. Oh, I would love for us to explore it.
It’s just, it’s just honestly, I don’t think many people really know it or understand it. I’d, really, I’d Well, I was going to
Victoria Pendergrass: say, or very rarely even, I mean, this would be Talked about then, but I wonder if there’s even really studies that you can do to like track and map that.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, I think we’re learning about it.
Honestly, I think I’ve shared on the show before, my developing belief is that this whole process that we’re touching bases with right now has a lot to do with the whole neurons. Or not neurons, the whole endocrine system with the hormones and the body’s very detailed [00:22:00] chemical interaction reality. I mean, I, I think there’s so much going into that, that it just overloads the emotional well.
John-Nelson Pope: And I think that in a way it’s almost like a seizure. Yeah, yeah. So in other words, the brain misfires when you get angry when you get so angry, well, it’s the blind rage. It’s not like,
Victoria Pendergrass: okay. Okay. Okay. Not punch a hole in the wall, but like blackout
John-Nelson Pope: blind rage. When you get in an argument with your spouse, Okay, yeah.
Okay, you get really angry.
Chris Gazdik: But I don’t see red. You don’t see red. Yeah, that’s what I want to suggest, Victoria. This is a level of emotional guess no one in this room has ever experienced. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry. Yeah, this is a… This is a unique kind of experience. This is a unique reality.
Well, evidently maybe one, but, but it’s very, very rare to have that experience. So yeah, it’s, it is [00:23:00] like
Victoria Pendergrass: the books I read that the, a lot of the male characters, typically not the female, but the male characters talk a lot about like that, that’s the phrase they use a lot is like, I see red, like all I saw was red and like, you know, that’s not
Chris Gazdik: simply red.
Yeah. Well, it’s dramatized, Victoria. That is not, you know, your, your storylines might be, maybe have a so those bodice rippers might have a theme. All right. Let’s move on a little bit from where are we? What are our emotions to get back on track? I love this cool thing from psychology today. I thought it was pretty nice way of looking at, you know, they had a cool quote, emotions are not just feelings, but the meaning we make from a given situation.
Oh. Yes. Right. You like that, John? I do. What’s your brain do with that? Well
John-Nelson Pope: that’s something that you could even reflect back on. When you make meaning with something, you’re actually reflecting on it. So that’s how I’m [00:24:00] interpreting it. I think so. Go
Chris Gazdik: a little further with that. Okay.
John-Nelson Pope: You reflect back on, on, let’s say you might be feeling something let’s say you feel left out.
Okay. And you feel lonely, right? Okay. You have to, it’s only upon reflection that you really understand how lonely you were feeling at that time or how separated you were from another person or somebody or being left out. You go off somewhere and you sulk. Okay. Am I,
Chris Gazdik: am I going in the right? No, go ahead. I
John-Nelson Pope: think I’m trying to go back to when I was Victoria’s age and right.
And I was a single guy and I got turned down in terms for the date or something like that. And it hurt terribly and but I didn’t just think about it at that moment. I didn’t just start suddenly feeling well, okay, everything’s going to be all right. I had to go into [00:25:00] a process where I reflected on it and sometimes I got feeling worse.
Yeah. And it, I had to actually catch myself and bring myself out of that.
Chris Gazdik: So let me tell you what’s, what’s interesting. Am I off the base on that? No, no, no, not at all, not at all. But you’re, I’m just, my brain’s doing a little journey. And I want to see what you guys think about it when I’m listening to you.
Because as I’m listening to you describe that, it’s, you’re saying there’s a reflection experience that goes into what you were experiencing with your emotion. And then, but then I heard you say also, it might be more intense. Or it changes and it moves with you depending upon what and how you’re reflecting on
John-Nelson Pope: the event, right?
Right. I know you explained it better than I understood it at the
Chris Gazdik: time. But here’s what my brain is doing with that. Interestingly enough, I really feel as though emotions are really [00:26:00] a hundred percent like in the only in the now experience. That’s why mindfulness is so important. You know, when you have intense emotions, you get into the moment and it’s a new moment.
And that new moment is calmer than the last moment and you stay with it and you ride down. There’s a lot to that, but, but, so what I’m trying to say is interestingly that emotions are 100 percent in the real time only. They’re not in the past and they’re not in the future. That’s what I’ve kind of come to believe or see.
John-Nelson Pope: So if you remember an emotion, it becomes real at that moment, no? Say again, so if you remember something right it actually becomes now now and you by observing it You’ve changed some things right?
Chris Gazdik: Well, I
Victoria Pendergrass: mean that’s a whole process of like healing when you think about something in the past and You used to be sad or angry about it.
But then when you think about it now, you have peace or you have [00:27:00] joy or you have contentment or whatever
Chris Gazdik: you are actually managing it, you can manage it, regulating it, regulating it, but you’re managing it and regulating it in such a way that honestly you can do yourself harm by, as you said, John, you reflected and you, you know, you, you were heartbroken even more and more.
It was like,
John-Nelson Pope: I fell down that burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down.
Chris Gazdik: John, John, you just, you just went over your quota brother. But I love that one. But I didn’t sing. But I love that one. That one was good. That the truth though? Isn’t, isn’t that the truth though? Like we really do, you know, reflect. And what you conjure up.
Ooh, how about that, right? What you conjure up in your experience right now is actually what you’re doing. You know, we really can be our own worst enemy. Well, I
Victoria Pendergrass: mean, yeah, like, if you keep thinking about a [00:28:00] situation kind of like what John brought up, and you continue to be angry about it, and then every time you think about it, that anger only builds, then you’re like self sabotaging yourself.
Chris Gazdik: Self sabotaging is a word. Yeah, right. That’s something that we really are guilty of. Look, this was cool in the psychology today thing. They have a cool process that they went through. They looked at feelings and that’s like subjective feelings. I feel fill in the blank, right? I feel blamed or I feel scared or I feel happy, right?
And then you have appraisals. Those are what you were talking about. The thought patterns, right? That add to you. What you are feeling. So I am under threat what you reflect on, what you envision, what you conjure up, you can actually create. Now, these
John-Nelson Pope: are some of the things that happen with treating PTSD and cognitive processing therapy works through this.
Right. And it actually gives some people [00:29:00] agency so that they can actually stop their, their dissent.
Chris Gazdik: Gives people agency. What’s that expression mean?
John-Nelson Pope: Gibson. Oh, I’m sorry. Give them give people the ability to, to make decisions to regulate their emotions and their feelings.
Chris Gazdik: Love it. That’s what we’re all about.
You know, our original question, can you control your emotions with this episode? Like, I hope you’re really getting the idea. Like, you can, it’s not easy, but it absolutely is within your, your realm. So let’s look at this real quick again, like feelings and then appraisals, the thought patterns that you have, but then you have expressions, facial body expressions.
You know, like being wide open with your eyes or, you know, being really sound and sunken in with your mouth and facial, we have facial expressions that. Follow the appraisals that follow the feelings, then we have actions, you know, the, the, the, the way that Adler would [00:30:00] say Behavior comes from what our emotions are telling us from and it’s like all connected into that and then you have physical changes literally symptom relief symptom building.
We could go either, either way. I call
Victoria Pendergrass: them body warning signs and mine, like with the kids. Okay.
Chris Gazdik: What do you mean? Excuse me. Body warning,
Victoria Pendergrass: body warning signs. Yeah. It’s just signs that your body. Nonverbal signs that your body gives you that you’re feeling a certain
John-Nelson Pope: way. So you give a child agency That child so the body warning signs is a way of giving of that child the child the ability To name the emotion.
And that’s why it’s important to have a large vocabulary for your emotions to describe the nuances.
Victoria Pendergrass: Well, yeah, because as I also teach my kids and adults, there’s like [00:31:00] differences between feeling frustrated versus feeling angry, versus feeling annoyed, versus feeling… enraged versus feeling furious.
John-Nelson Pope: Like all
Chris Gazdik: those are all those
Victoria Pendergrass: negative words.
But I mean, I mean like those five, I just listed five. Those are all different. And so yes, what building on what John’s saying, when you have a builder bit bigger
vocabulary of feelings and you’re actually, but yeah, so the non body warning signs, whatever you want to call them, that’s what I call them. But like.
You feel butterflies in your stomach when you’re anxious or nervous or you cry when you’re sad or your foot shakes when you’re like whatever or you know and anxious and or you smile when you’re happy like
Chris Gazdik: It’s a lot to it. Yeah, I was just thinking about Victoria our conversation a while ago Do you remember when we were talking about that and I was like, yep, get rid of the feelings chart [00:32:00]
Victoria Pendergrass: Yes, it’s underneath my, it’s underneath my couch.
I pulled it out for the first time today with a new client, but no, I don’t use it. I use the feelings. I have a feelings wheel that people can use if they want it, but it’s not a, like it’s on a shelf. They can’t necessarily see it.
John-Nelson Pope: What is the thing about the wheel?
Chris Gazdik: Feeling chart. Yeah. Let’s pull John into this, right?
So I was at a conference one day, John, and it was, it was, it was stunning to me. And I was taking pleasure in giving Victoria the same experience that I had had. And, and it really fits into our conversation here, right? Because they made the comment, you know, and they, they, they held it up and he’s like, how many of you have, you know, this feelings chart and you know what it is, we’ve got the long list of, you know, 70 per page, two or three pages,
John-Nelson Pope: every clinic, he said,
Chris Gazdik: throw it away, John.
Really? Throw it away. And I know, he caught my attention as well. I’m like, oh, okay. He was like,
Victoria Pendergrass: laminated and everything. I
Chris Gazdik: know, right? [00:33:00] Ours was laminated. He went in to talk about, and I, it was really helpful for me at the time, and I still carry through with that today, that it is overwhelming for people.
because generally, and he’s right, all of his people, and I’ve thought about it since. Look, the people that I have in therapy, at whatever age you are, they’re on the happy, glad, sad, mad level. Mm-hmm. , that’s, that’s what they’re trying to figure
Victoria Pendergrass: out. Or the good, this drives me insane, right? When people say Check in, well as good, I’m like, what, what the heck does that mean?
Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Well, that’s, that’s a non, that’s a, that’s an avoidant answer, but really it’s, I’m happy. I’m mad, I’m sad, or I’m glad. Those are like the primary colors of people’s behavior. Do you
John-Nelson Pope: ask to describe what does that look like?
Chris Gazdik: Of course. I ask all the questions of what does things mean to you? What does that look like for you?
Can you say more about that? Open ended questions and John, I find people struggle great. It is. [00:34:00]
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, I find that it’s because In my personal experience, it’s from like the lack of knowledge of other feelings well, and maybe that’s because I work with kids and Teenagers and young adults and whatnot, maybe that’s why,
Chris Gazdik: well, I don’t think that’s why I think that people struggle to think about with any level of depth, what it is that the emotion is, is there, we’re just, here’s the key word, experiencing it, it’s just an experience could
John-Nelson Pope: be scary though, to, to, I would feel like, Oh, well point out how you feel on this chart.
And then I, me personally, right. Yeah. Yeah. I would, my natural go to would be, I’m on, on, I’m, I’m really on spot. Right. I can’t. And I freeze
Chris Gazdik: up and I have no inability like I don’t know what [00:35:00]
Victoria Pendergrass: are we talking about? Like a feelings chart that just has the list of names because my feelings chart that I have has is called Colored and
it’s got pictures and it’s got the word and it’s got the definition of the word We do
Chris Gazdik: not need the lines It’s a lot.
It
Victoria Pendergrass: is a lot. Now, I will say it is, it can be overwhelming. Like, if you walk into my office and that, like, which is partly why I took it down too, is that, but I mean, but then it’s interesting because I also had adult clients who would use it. Oh, I know. Like, And so, it’s kind of like you get a half and half.
Like, you get half the people who are like, Yeah, this is great. This helps me pick out a word that’s not just your basic happy, sad, mad, glad. But then, I feel like the other half of the people are like, Oh my gosh, there’s so many choices. I don’t know what to pick. Like, I’m all these things. You know?
Chris Gazdik: That’s what I’m saying. It’s too much. We are on happy, mad, glad, sad level. [00:36:00] And then we go into, John, I think what you’re saying is, What are you experiencing? You know, tell me about what, what’s going on for you. And they’ll begin to describe what the experience is. And that’s what I think you need to make influence on.
And this
John-Nelson Pope: is my one criticism of manualized, let’s say teams such as C B T or R E B T. And that is,
Chris Gazdik: Cognitive behavioral therapy.
John-Nelson Pope: Therapy. I’m sorry, I owe money. It’s okay. Put that in the, the jar. Yeah. , the jargon jar is that, That that’s kind of reductionist and sometimes people actually get having forced to be in a certain way of expressing themselves.
And so they are not allowed to be themselves. Spontaneous,
Chris Gazdik: genuine and unique in the moment, right? Yeah. I have really picked up more and more in my practice the [00:37:00] experientially based modalities, you know, the gestalt. I mean, I don’t practice them per se in active session. You don’t
John-Nelson Pope: necessarily do the, the empty chair, but you.
But I
Chris Gazdik: do. Right? Yeah. It’s like having the understanding of what it is that people are experiencing and working with that experience is what I’m really getting at because when you get lost in all the titles and the names for you just get overwhelmed. I mean, I think people get more anxious than than anything.
And that’s part of why I’m kind of like, yeah, lose the Lose the feeling chart. It’s because I agree with that guy and it’s helped me so much over the years to get, I think, honestly, more effective at being right here, just right present. You and me in this moment.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay. So then can we maybe say. That the, we’re so, I feel like we’re so off topic here, but, like, can we say then that the feelings chart, emotions chart, whatever you want to call it, can [00:38:00] just be a tool that we pull out when we need to like dig deeper.
So maybe not just have it like on your wall or something that you use with everybody. Like, because I remember my own therapy experience when it was first used when I was in therapy and I was talking about This was years ago, but I was talking about, like, something to do with my parents and I couldn’t quite, like, figure out the word that I wanted to put with how I was feeling.
Yeah. And then that was the first time she pulled out this, like, feelings chart and was like, here, like. Look at this and see if you can find a word. I think the word I found like I was really feeling embarrassed or whatever. I,
Chris Gazdik: I don’t think.
Victoria Pendergrass: So just using it in that way not completely getting. Of course. I have a hard time letting
Chris Gazdik: go.
You’re not letting go. And, and I don’t think you’re gonna make a mistake or you’re wrong in doing it. Right. I’m gonna tell you I’m not gonna use it. And I don’t use that or go that way and because I like, I think the direction of being just locked into the moment. And being with [00:39:00] the person in that moment, words, some people ex
I mean, Victoria, that is definitely not you and I. Okay. You and I are so verbal in the way that we, we process, we talk, we, we think, right? John, I don’t think you are as much, right? Like there are people that just are non verbal in the way that they process the emotion, right? Right. But they have a very depthy experience.
And it doesn’t need to be, as you, I think as you went and talked about CBT and RET and all that kind of stuff, it doesn’t need to be whittled down into that simplicity. And
John-Nelson Pope: that, that’s exactly right. Yeah. So, and, and for me, it’s more in terms of meaning I’m very meaning oriented. I my best work I felt has been as a therapist, but also as a, as a patient or as a, as a client [00:40:00] was, you know, let’s, what does that mean to you?
What what is the purpose? Why? And so it gets into the existential aspects of it. Is there a
Chris Gazdik: why did you do what you did? What is the purpose behind what you’re thinking or doing? What does this mean to you for therapists out there? Like if we are in a stuck spot, Or we’re confused about what’s going on, or Victoria, we want to really know what somebody’s experiencing or feeling.
Those are the questions that are go to’s. And, and people will, will be sometimes caught flat. I was asked that in my own therapy work at one point, and I was caught flat with that. I’m like, wow. But I went away from that session, and I did a lot of amazing work on the question that was asked me. What does blank mean to you?
And so, yeah, I love that. That is, it’s, that’s the space where we can really get empowered with, with regulating and managing the way we’re
John-Nelson Pope: experienced. I [00:41:00] would love to do psychoanalysis, but that’s never going to happen. What do you mean? So you have to come in and you had to, so expensive. You have to do it multiple times.
And over a period of years, as a clinician, as a, as a, as a, as a client. Yeah. Well, you could,
Chris Gazdik: why couldn’t you? Why couldn’t you then? I mean, shoot. Are you saying because managed care and insurance Managed care. Is so limiting. Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: And, and they just, they have to go by that book, you know, and so you can’t, you, you can, you can imagine if you could do real depth change, you can’t do it in 12 sessions, you, it’s, it’s a process.
It’s sorry.
Victoria Pendergrass: No, it’s like, I just look at Chris because we have the same thoughts on EAP. Which is all like kind of that whole, you can’t fix [00:42:00] like nothing, like not much happens in
Chris Gazdik: three sessions, the employee assistance program, which is a great way to engage treatment, get them
Victoria Pendergrass: started, which is a great way.
Yes, it is great for like companies, but the nowadays where the app, what’d you say that a couple of weeks ago, like the average is three sessions, right? And the first session is the. Initial intake, right? Yeah. Well,
Chris Gazdik: basically two sessions. I would
John-Nelson Pope: really like and compliment Mecklenburg County and Gaston County.
Chris Gazdik: I know where you’re going. Go for it. Because
John-Nelson Pope: what they do is they have they can get up to 16 visits with EAP. So you could actually get something done with, with their people actually makes it. Yeah. And particularly first responders they’re under an ungodly amount of, of stress, pressure. They’re distrusted a lot of times, or there’s a sense that they see where people literally blow their brains out.
It’s just suicides, suicides. And you could [00:43:00] see that reflecting on the, the first responder feeling that much grief and pain that he or she wants to take his or her own life. Right. So,
Chris Gazdik: you know. Yeah. Also there is a program in place as well with I don’t, I don’t think it’s just as specific to Mecklenburg, John, I could be wrong, but standard.
And routine annual kind of check up from the I’ve been doing a bunch of those. I know you have, right? And that’s a, that’s a requirement for first responder as well. I think it’s wonderful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check out from the neck up, man.
You go in, you just say hello. You have a relationship that I, it’s one of the best things I’ve.
Heard in a very, very long time. Couple of them can
John-Nelson Pope: be very guarded. Oh,
Chris Gazdik: you know that, but, but, but even though it does, it, it gives you a contact point, it gives you an awareness of something outside of yourself that if you choose to. Or begin to realize need to tap [00:44:00] it’s right there and you can’t have a couple added
John-Nelson Pope: closeness couple of Cleveland County Lincoln County folks.
These are local counties and mech counties that that do this. So I think it’s great
Chris Gazdik: cities. Yeah. Right. Okay. Let me get us back on track. And I tell you, just because of time, I wanted to kind of, let me go through. I think what I want to do then is there was another cool article that I thought was pretty neat.
And it was actually about dysregulation. So let me just buzz through these things. And I want to get your, your all’s like where it lands in your minds and we’ll, we’ll kick it around. Like, so this was talking about not regulating your emotions and stuff, but What really happens when we’re in a dysregulated state, which is a fancy way of saying my shit’s out and I’m not handling it.
Well Stressed out right now Okay, so basically it means that you can’t control what it is in the moment It feels like your emotions right [00:45:00] and they they had interesting signs of this They were talking about, you know people that are living in a dysregulated state You will see overly intense reactions, impulsive behavior, a lack of emotional awareness, which gets back to what we were talking about Victoria with the feeling sheet, trouble making decisions, inability to manage behavior, and then avoiding difficult emotions.
Like these are, these are signs that actually, so if they shut down, shutting down is a part of that. Yeah. That’s a sign that you’re dysregulated. And it was, it was cool to look at that grouping together as an indicator that, Oh, this person is just, you know, dysregulated. And oftentimes as this is where we should have spent more time, John, where you were talking about that.
This is it times with specific mental health conditions. You mentioned brain. Disease brain injury, right? Oh, yeah. Traumatic [00:46:00] brain injury. TBI. Traumatic brain injury. You mentioned Mild, moderate, severe. Yes. And you mentioned a couple other things, but ADHD, autism, bipolar. PTSD, that’s the trauma reality, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, is actually something that’s new, and then they, there was also fetal alcohol syndrome, and I bravely am adding some things with menopause and andropause, and then really major life When you go through major grief and loss experiences, for instance, divorce, it, it can, it can, it can just be devastating.
So, so when you’re experiencing these things, and I know we’re not going to have time to go into the diagnostics of what bipolar is and what ADHD, we’ve done that on the show. Yep. That borderline was a, is another really big one. I thought that was on, You just didn’t say it. I just didn’t say it. I was going to say a Madonna song.
Thank you [00:47:00] for stopping. All right. Listen, I want to get to where you’re, this lands with you guys, but like, those are powerful, powerful experiences where you’re in a chronic state of dysregulation that man, this, look, some people have an emotional system. And as a human being, honestly, that’s just easy to manage.
I, it is, it’s easier to manage. Some people have an emotional system that they’ve been born with or that they have in there. Lives or in their bodies that are really difficult you have
John-Nelson Pope: to get to two kiddos I have three and all three of them are of my kiddos are very different I have one child that is just very very mild mellow mellow Wonderful, right and then I have another one.
It is very creative very volatile. And the other one [00:48:00] is she’s mad A lot of times. She’s just mad.
Chris Gazdik: She is just mad or
John-Nelson Pope: matter. But, but they’re in the same family. And, and so you get that. So, I mean, it’s all, it’s nature, it’s nurture. It’s, it’s the whole kitten caboodle
Chris Gazdik: their experiences. Yeah. And it is. It’s fascinating.
My, my two. Kids are very, very different kind of as, as well. And I’m sure, you know, between the five of our kids, you know your newborn baby is going to be
coming into his own emotional experience. Like that’s, that’s powerful. It’s, it’s a reality. And honestly, sometimes it is easier than others. It’s just harder.
There’s a whole lot more. And there’s… It sucks, but for those of us that are struggling with things like borderline personality disorder, or traumatic realities in our lives, or a traumatic brain injury, or any a number of things that really complicate this [00:49:00] biologically, I’m sorry, but it’s still something that has to be managed.
John-Nelson Pope: I was, I was thinking in terms of, of family dysregulation or, or the an emotional dysregulation is that there’s some, some children that are in very traumatic inducing situations and they’ve suffered a lot of abuse and they don’t develop PTSD, they don’t develop. Pathology biologically, biologically, you know, they’re just, they’re, they’re just on a different wavelength.
Chris Gazdik: Well, I think john, we process the events, we process what they mean to us. We probably, you know, we, we, we incur the data into our systems honestly, like differently. Differently. Genders probably have some differences in the way that we incur data into our systems and what happens internally with that.
What did we say, right? What’s the experience of what it [00:50:00] is that you’re seeing? You come at it from a very different perspective. Experience and what you pay homage to what you pay interest in what you highlight in your memory like that There’s a there’s a lot of study out there about that. You look like you had an interesting facial expression.
No
Victoria Pendergrass: I mean, I probably would agree. Yes with the differences and I mean there’s no engender.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah Yeah, I like to go to the store and hunt So in other words, I mean I I know exactly what I’m going for and I get it and
Chris Gazdik: I
Victoria Pendergrass: go it’s like the meme Where it compares amends It’s a man’s trip to Target versus a woman’s trip to Target.
And it’s like the line is like directly to like what they need and target. And then they like leave the store and then the woman’s down every aisle and back
John-Nelson Pope: again, I got it mapped out. I know exactly where I’m going,
Chris Gazdik: but I just don’t go. There’s the hyper masculine guy. What’s that John? You’re hyper masculine that I just don’t go to a [00:51:00] store.
I don’t know. It comes to you. Well, Amazon. Yes. You’re an ambush predator. I am an ambush predator. Okay. Let me get us back on track with wrapping into like, yeah, you know, what do we really want to do? We recently talked about emotional freedom. So what do we, what do we really want to do? I guess our, our minds.
So let me ask you, John and Victoria, I mean, Victoria, you’re meeting with people all day long, John, you and I as well, right? Like, what do you really want to gear people with? If somebody is to say, Okay, Victoria, What do we do to regulate my emotions? What do I do? Right now? Today? Please?
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay, this is what I do, or what I tell people to do.
Is to expand your knowledge on on feelings, like the differences between [00:52:00] feelings so that you can identify them. Cause then I always say that if you’re able to successfully identify it, then you can actually successfully address it or regulate it. So if you can identify that what you’re feeling is embarrassment, then.
You can successfully regulate, like, the severity of that or how you handle it.
Chris Gazdik: Okay, but let’s say we’ve identified it, we get it, we know what’s going on. What the heck do I do? Like, I, I feel like people are screaming to learn Coping skills? Coping skills, yes. Right? John, what do you, what, what’s, what say you?
Victoria Pendergrass: Did I
Chris Gazdik: steal your answer?
John-Nelson Pope: No. No. I’m, I’m just trying to think. I’m thinking in terms of, of people that have experienced, experienced head injuries and they’ve developed traumatic brain injury where they might have more difficulty controlling their emotions and [00:53:00] feelings. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible.
Right. Right. So part of this is, is, is to go through a process where one would learn. Tools to discipline to deescalate when one feels that there’s an emotions
that are just, or feelings that are overwhelming, they can see the, the, the signs of it and they’re able to, to step back. So, and, and that’s not true for everybody, I understand that, but that gives them the opportunity or they have the ability to, to say, okay.
I might not learn it right away, but I can do it and be persistent and, and, and be equipped to do that. And that everybody, and so I’m, I’m trying to say, I’m not trying to pathologize these things like PTSD is a, is a actually a brain injury in a sense that even though the brain itself is not injured.
It’s the, the, there’s [00:54:00] a misfiring in the brain that it doesn’t, it doesn’t store the memories properly. And so it, it goes back into a cycle, gets kickstarted back. Well, one can learn. To be able to say, okay, I don’t have to get in the same place I was before or get more down or more. I have that ability to choose,
Chris Gazdik: you know, I was listening to both of you and I did some show prep and thought through it.
Of course, it had the advantage of that, but I was listening to you and I just went in a completely different direction and just did a little thought experiment to see what kind of comes up as I’m listening to, to you and you know, what came up is just simply like. When you were talking, Victoria, the word connection kind of came up in my mind.
Connecting on what it is that we’re identifying. And then, John, when you were talking, what came up in my little thought experiment is compassion. So I wonder if like, [00:55:00] compassionately connecting, truly, with other people. Which is, in part, the way that we’re designed to be anyway is a, is a, goes a long way into helping us to de escalate and to, to regulate.
Here’s a
John-Nelson Pope: good a good thing here to know because there are so many. Thousands of people that are, are bereft because of the the war that is now in Israel and… Oh boy, we
Chris Gazdik: should start off with that, are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: We need to keep them in our prayers and thoughts and to be able to, because there’s going to be a lot of trauma, emotional trauma, a lot of and people will be very vulnerable.
To for their mental health will be impacted by that so negatively, right? And I think and so when
Chris Gazdik: you talk about well, I just want compassion as well Let’s not forget about Ukraine that there are some things that are really buzzing up in the world right now And it is it seems [00:56:00] that way building to be a tough time.
So yeah
John-Nelson Pope: So, and we may find ourselves in this possibility of being drawn into, to conflicts. And so those are precarious times, but we need to, and I think that’s why it’s important to have. A fellowship of compassion that could be your church, your synagogue, your mosque. It could be your temple.
It could be just in a group, small groups process groups, support groups.
Chris Gazdik: I love the word combination, fellowship of compassion. I mean, think about it, you know, whatever you might identify Victoria on the list or you’re experiencing in. In what you pay attention to and pay homage to highlight or whatever we suck When we are isolated and doing that process [00:57:00] On our own alone Can I make that bold statement?
Like yeah, that’s a dangerous dangerous place to be when you’re Isolated, in an alone state, trying to internalize all that you’re experiencing, it just doesn’t work well, guys. We are designed and geared to be connected. Companionship. In that companion, compassionate connection. I think we find, like, if you hear anything about regulating your emotions, I think this is a great place to, to land.
You know,
John-Nelson Pope: I was, I was thinking, because I’ve been doing some reading, I like, I like adventure readings real stories on the YouTube.
Chris Gazdik: You got to see John looking at Victoria, but.
John-Nelson Pope: The people that get in trouble go out, they go out alone, they live alone, they’re not in a fellowship of, of, of a group of people to, to, to [00:58:00] rely on each other, to be, when one is strong, one can be weak, one can share. All that. And there’s so many stories of, of people that want to do things by themselves.
They want to hike the Appalachian Trail by themselves. Solitude is
Chris Gazdik: wonderful.
Victoria Pendergrass: However… We live together or die alone.
John-Nelson Pope: Right. Henry David Thoreau went to Walden, but he did it for a year and he didn’t isolate himself completely Because he would go to Emerson’s house to to get food and and other supplies, right?
So he he didn’t live in in Walden alone complete isolation complete isolation. There was always in a fellowship
Chris Gazdik: It’s powerful. It’s, it’s really powerful. I, I, I was thinking about like even ropes courses, you know we, we, we’ve probably all come across some of those and we’ve talked about them on the show when you, when you’re going across the, the, a balance beam, right?
I mean, there’s a very [00:59:00] clear, Goal to get to the other side and you need to be holding hands But people inevitably in a group will try to go across the balance beam alone one by one and invariably somebody’s going to fall off and you have to start the The ropes course over, right? So you, you, you do that with emotions just as much, right?
Like connecting and sharing them disables the intensity draw that, that you get when you’re isolated. I just
John-Nelson Pope: had that image of going on a balance beam and going across and it’s in crocodiles. Well, if you go by yourself,
Chris Gazdik: it’s invariable, you’re going to fall. Yeah, but you get great stability when you’re with a group with a group.
Yeah, it absolutely is So, I don’t know. What else do you have on your list? I mean, that’s you know I’ve prepared gratitude going a long way and looking at self talk and how we really get into our Thinking and talking in our [01:00:00] mind process and The Adlerian stuff that we talked about I mean actually I did do the last one relying on others as emotions can be overwhelming In a storm where as others can be sustaining.
I didn’t know that I created that. I actually, I actually did that. One of
John-Nelson Pope: my earliest memories was when I had to spend a night away from my mom and dad, and I must’ve been five years old and I had the
coolest first cousin. She was older, Catherine Fascia and I cried and I cried and I cried and she.
Got, came in from her bedroom and she just sat in on the bed with me and helped me. Yeah. And I felt, I felt loved and accepted. Comfort. Comfort. And so I wasn’t scared anymore.
Chris Gazdik: Well, you know, I’m going to give you a real story, John, and it involves you. Okay. So, oh. The way, I hope you don’t mind. I think you’ll be okay with this.
[01:01:00] But it’s, it’s the way, and I mean this as a compliment, the way that you go about. You know, kind of connecting with people and you can do this in your life by getting on somebody’s level in any, in any way. So we’re sharing, right? So when we were moving, right, our office is packing up and I just had a day I was, I was, oh, that was before you.
It was before my time here. Well, we were, we were in the other office, Victoria, and, and we were moving to this office and I was just. I was just, you know, and all the moving stuff and it was the end of the day. I just done a full day of therapy and, and I’ll never forget John, I sat down on the floor and you were in my office and I was in mid sentence and John gets down on his knees and gets down and just sits down on the floor with me.
And I looked at him and I was like, Oh, okay. I know what you’re doing. He’s like, Oh, yeah, you know, it’s just, it’s natural. You know, it’s just what I, what I do. And I’m like, John, I really appreciated that. And I thank [01:02:00] you for that in, in that moment. Cause it does, it does something, doesn’t it? Yeah, it does.
There’s a humanistic reality and a connection to that. And you gave me a gift that day that, you know, that, that helped me through. It was presence.
John-Nelson Pope: Yes, it was presence being, being genuine and, and they’re authentic. Yeah. But I wasn’t thinking it that way. I was just thinking I wanted to be with her. friend that was tired.
Yeah. Yeah. I was
Chris Gazdik: wore out that day and stressed out. And so, so do this together guys. I’ll, I’ll, I’ll wrap us up and take us out. But closing thoughts for, for y’all. What do you, what do you thin
Victoria Pendergrass: coping skills, learn coping skills,
Chris Gazdik: right? Right. And
Victoria Pendergrass: utilize them. You don’t just learn them.
You have to utilize, learn and use, learn
Chris Gazdik: and use. It doesn’t always go with the assumption.
John-Nelson Pope: And I’ve used this term before, but radical self acceptance and that is, yeah, [01:03:00] right. Just, just be, be kind to yourself.
Chris Gazdik: Listen, this is the human emotional experience, which we endeavor to figure out together. And you’ve heard a good conversation, I think, amongst clinicians that are, are trying to highlight.
You know, the empowerment and the reality of handling these very, very tough things that we deal with all day long called emotions, right? Like, they feel overwhelming, they feel scary, terrifying, out of control. They’re, they really aren’t, especially when you share them and you’re with someone. You, you, you, you have a compassionate connection that you can offer your, your son or daughter or husband or wife or friend, right?
So this is something that is manageable. We, we do have some specifics that can help you get through. So know that emotions are difficult, but they are manageable and that you can regulate yourself and get through whatever tough time that you might be having out there. So appreciate you guys hanging [01:04:00] out with us.
John Victoria, you guys have a great week, right? Stay well and we’ll, we’ll see
John-Nelson Pope: you soon. I’ll see y’all later. Live long and prosper.
Chris Gazdik: Bye. Bye, y’all