Holidays are a great time to reconnect and spend time with friends and family, but when doing that, it can lead to a lot of stress. There is the reality of trying to fit in as many meals to make sure you see everyone. There is the reality of spending more than you should. There is the reality of family dynamics and possible past arguments. How do you manage all of these situations, enjoy your holidays, and be able to recover afterward?
Tune in to see Recovering from the Holiday Hangover with a Plan Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Think about these three questions as you listen:
- What is a Holiday Hangover anyway
- How do we manage the Hangover
- How to be well, all year long… Goodness, not resolutions
Intro Music by Reid Ferguson – https://reidtferguson.com/
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Episode #257 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello, this is Through a Therapist’s Eyes in 2024. Happy New Year, everyone.
Victoria Pendergrass: Happy New Year.
Chris Gazdik: Happy New Year. Happy New Year, guys. I must say, I plan on saying when the mics come on, I missed you guys doing this. I really did. Because the last time we were doing it, you know, in a different format, you know, rather than face to face.
You mean
Victoria Pendergrass: since we haven’t done this since last year? Well, it’s been a year.
Chris Gazdik: It’s been, it was
JOhn-Nelson Pope: definitely last year. You were waiting for that,
Chris Gazdik: weren’t you? Oh, sorry. This is where you get insights from a panel of therapists in your home or personal time in your car, not the delivery of therapy services in any way.
We are going to be talking about The holiday hangover that I know you’re probably struggling with. Because, really, it is a very, very common thing that you can probably understand the concept of. What it is how do we manage it, and how to be well. But I’m thinking in a track of, [00:01:00] I want you to think about all year long.
Goodness, like, how can we really be well? And not just get the momentum in the beginning of the new year, but carry that through, through the whole year. And I’ve really got some good ideas about that. And John and Victoria, who’s with us, is gonna join in with our, the things we talk about in therapy about that.
I think, fair to say, this time of year, like a lot.
Victoria Pendergrass: Right. I’ve already talked about it quite a few, and it’s only four days in. And
Chris Gazdik: we’ve definitely done therapy
Victoria Pendergrass: for two of them. Yeah, I’ve only worked for two of those, three of those days.
Chris Gazdik: So if I didn’t say it, this is January the 4th, 2020. Four, gotta get used to saying 24.
And writing it. And writing it. John, how many stars do you expect to receive for this show? Five stars. Right. We look for reviews on Apple. Helps us a lot. That is a big ask I’d like to make to you. Helps the algorithm. And popping the like button on YouTube is a big deal too. So if you’re on here, pop it.
Then you can leave if you, no, we want you to stay, [00:02:00] but contact it through a therapist eyes. com. This is the human emotional experience and yet for another year we endeavor and look forward to and enjoy Figuring this out together with you. Cool. Cool.
Victoria Pendergrass: All right. Here’s what we need to do. All right, we need to do like some sort of contest where for a whole month we like People subscribe and we pick someone that subscribes to our account on YouTube and they get merch
Chris Gazdik: or something.
I like that. Yeah, that’s a, that’s, I think you just launched it on air. You didn’t talk to us, Neil, or you, you better grab a mic or do something or heads up or you have any,
Victoria Pendergrass: if you have any protests.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: And you will pay for that, right?
Victoria Pendergrass: Sure. Why not take it out of my paycheck.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, it’s coming out of the paycheck.
Okay, we will, we will, we will launch that officially next. You want to
Victoria Pendergrass: do it for January or next month? We will
Chris Gazdik: launch that [00:03:00] officially next week. Is that cool? Yeah, we’ll talk about launching that officially next week. Cool. And give it the month
of January. So be prepared. If you listen to this show, you’re a little bit more prepared.
And you’ll have more time. Others will not. But I love that. It’s a good idea. So, so, we have the sponsor also. I was going to do that in the middle, but I guess I already launched it. Eh, go for it. First Horizon Bank is still with us as a sponsor of the show. We appreciate that.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Based out of Memphis, but a hometown bank in many communities.
Chris Gazdik: I love that. That, did they tell you to say that? No. That’s impressive, brother. It was. First Horizon Bank is going to be very, very impressed with you, sir.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Well, good. Do you give me a five star rating as
Victoria Pendergrass: well? John specifically, give John specifically a five star rating.
Chris Gazdik: They’re still riding with us in 2024 and we appreciate First Horizon Bank for doing that.
Check them out near you. So we have a current event and a mentor moment that you wanted [00:04:00] to do. So the current event, let’s, let’s cover. Kind of quickly, I think, and I also want to give a little blurb about it. Yeah, cool. I want to give a just a pause button. If you have small kids the current event is going to mention a a particular type of site in a specific site that you might not want your over the age of 18, over the age of 18.
So we won’t be gone long. You can just. Pass forward a couple minutes and you’ll be fine, but ready? Pause. Go. Okay. So this is what, Victoria?
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay, so this is about specifically we focused on the website Pornhub but recently due to a house bill eight that was came into effect in North Carolina January one.
Chris Gazdik: So it is a law now.
Victoria Pendergrass: North Carolina specific, a new law going into effect January 1st. Which requires all adult film websites to obtain age verification from users to prevent those under the [00:05:00] age of 18 from accessing the sites. Which is I gotta say,
Chris Gazdik: the way this came up, is that okay? Yeah, go for it, I mean I’m sitting in my office and as many times Victoria rolls over, she’s like, Chris, you got a second?
And I’m like sure, quick second. And she’s like, have you
Victoria Pendergrass: heard, have you heard it?
Chris Gazdik: So I’ve been waiting to say like, Victoria, how did you hear?
Victoria Pendergrass: I think I, well, like I told you, I do try to stay in touch. Yeah, I try to stay in touch of things that like couldn’t potentially affect the clients that we work with.
And being upset. with porn is something that we work with as clinicians and so therefore, let me jump in.
Chris Gazdik: I hope I didn’t embarrass you because that is that
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m over the age of 18. I am fully allowed to do anything I want to do. But having a little
Chris Gazdik: fun with that is important because there’s a topic here that is a serious current event.
How, how this is in operation, like we have had an [00:06:00] explosion of issue with this and I want to tell you a, a, a cool sort of comparative metaphor that is an important understanding about like addiction and, okay, can I finish
Victoria Pendergrass: my blurb first? Yes. I’m almost done. Okay, so because of this house bill that was passed, Neil’s laughing at us, because of this house bill that is passed Pornhub has officially shut down access for the site altogether for all North Carolinians.
And so, because they think that the, the policy is ineffective for having It’s shut down? I mean, you can’t access it. If you go to Pornhub and you’re in the state of North Carolina, it comes up with this dear user message, which you said
Chris Gazdik: that you have to get an account.
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m not a hundred percent sure if it’ll even because it won’t even let you create an account.
Oh, so
JOhn-Nelson Pope: I’m sorry, Victoria. [00:07:00] So you’re you’re not a Victorian. You’re a Victoria So in other words, you’re not you it appeals to your prurient interest Well,
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m
Chris Gazdik: just I did John just say I was doing
JOhn-Nelson Pope: a little wordplay,
Victoria Pendergrass: but basically they just think that the They argue that this is an ineffective way to police the site.
And so they do encourage you to like reach out to your representatives for the point of the whole bill is great. Yes. We want to make sure that kids under 18 people that are 18 or not using sites and are not being posted on these sites because sex trafficking, human trafficking is a real thing, but this is supposed to help.
But Pornhub says that. They don’t necessarily agree with it. So therefore, if you live in North Carolina, you’re probably not going to have access to that if you’re over the age of 18. Until they figure out a way to move
Chris Gazdik: forward. You [00:08:00] have a thought, John? Yeah, I
JOhn-Nelson Pope: do. I’m thinking that maybe it’s like alcohol sales, and if you show your ID, you, you you would have access to it.
I don’t think, I, I’m kind of wondering why Pornhub felt like they had to shut down the whole thing. I’m not, I’m not a supporter of
Victoria Pendergrass: it at all. I think they’re just saying that showing your ID, Every single time you get on the website is ineffective. I think they’re saying if there’s a way for you to like store your ID so that, or you’re
Chris Gazdik: very, whatever.
Yeah. And the reason why I want to get off the tickers is we can go and go. Oh yeah, sure. And it’s interesting, even the energy that we have about the topic and the point that I want to make and the reason why I was kind of like, yeah, that’d
be a great current event is because we need to have an ever present, I’ll make this bold statement.
We need to have an ever present, readily aware. Awareness about this issue because as the internet has [00:09:00] come on line Relatively quickly thereafter. I heard I can’t take credit for this metaphor myself, but it’s is at a conference. They talked about how The problems with alcoholism increased around the turn of the century.
You know why? Because we learned how to distill alcohol into liquor. Prior to then, we didn’t really know how to make strong, strong alcohol. And it proliferated the problems that people have with alcohol. So the same thing has happened with The sexuality online, it, it has been essentially distilled into this intense version of, you know, what we used to have, John, back when I was a kid and maybe probably pretty similar when you were a kid, you know, the magazine thing, playboy, now my Goodness.
And so the regulatory realities that are around this are profound. So I don’t want to go into details with this at all. We need to move on, but we just [00:10:00] need to keep a present awareness about this because it’s huge.
Victoria Pendergrass: Well, yeah. And I mean, just for the sake of also like. Human trafficking, sex trafficking, all those things, like, you want to make it a responsible
Chris Gazdik: usage, I guess.
Sure, there’s a lot of things going on with it. Alright, John, what’s your mentor moment?
Victoria Pendergrass: My mentor moment. Sorry, you’re hearing me talk a lot right now. Okay, so I had a client today, and I don’t think they’ll mind me mentioning this, because I would like to know how y’all approach it. So
Chris Gazdik: this client Of course, just for the listening eyes, we’re Protecting confidentiality.
Yes,
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. This client came to me She was referred to me by her mom and her sister, I see both of them, whatever, but they don’t necessarily, she [00:11:00] doesn’t understand how talking about your problems can help
her. Okay, sure. And so she questions therapy. And so what we’ve done moving forward is to agree to just, as of right now, just do a monthly check in.
Not mean weekly, but just do a monthly check in as just something, but I was wondering like how do you kind of cuz like, okay So today she came in and she answered the question. Yeah, she said I said what is it? What do you want to talk about today? And she was like, honestly, I don’t really even want to be here today
JOhn-Nelson Pope: College age college age. Okay.
Victoria Pendergrass: So then
like what like what do I do with that? You know
Chris Gazdik: to me Victoria. The question is how can I? Deal with the question about what, you know, does therapy help and how will this right? Yeah, that’s a question that you need to answer if you’re a therapist. Honestly, I’ve had that question many, many [00:12:00] times. What, what say you, John?
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Well, I have to I have. Actually, I’m doing supervision of, of someone who’s a counselor and I mean, he’s, he’s going to get his full license within a a year, but his wife is adamant, doesn’t believe in in counseling whatsoever, actually doesn’t believe in what he does and is adamantly opposed to medication.
If, if that were. were needed and she’s it makes it very difficult if that mindset is so strong, you, you cannot possibly reason with them about the, the efficacy. What I think the check in that you’re talking about is, is wonderful because what that’ll do is you’ll develop trust, you’ll be able to develop a relationship with her, even if she’s against [00:13:00] it and doesn’t believe in it, you might be planting seeds where three, four, five years down the road, she might be more amenable to
Chris Gazdik: it.
Yeah, I agree. It’s, it’s an interesting thought, John. So it’s just the
Victoria Pendergrass: pro, the pro. Longing of building rapport rather than typically we build rapport very quickly right within the first month You know seeing people weekly or twice a week or every other week You’re saying that i’m just prolonging that rapport and maybe Yeah after six months maybe or so or however long of her
JOhn-Nelson Pope: doing you’re preparing you’re preparing the soil Right for her to be able to grow right?
And she right now where she is in her life or because of her prejudices or whatever, you’re going to be, she’s not
Victoria Pendergrass: there. Right. I mean, I mean, she’s been, today was her fourth time seeing me. So I did give her props for like, Hey, All your other therapists, you only went and saw one [00:14:00] time and never went back.
And, you
JOhn-Nelson Pope: know, she’s been You’re already, you’re already there.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Yeah, it’s already major progress. Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. I just wasn’t quite sure, I mean, we, I got through it today and I mean, I usually, I was just interested in kind of how y’all handle that. How do you, when someone’s like, what, like, why am I here?
Chris Gazdik: I’d like to say like, you know, I, I, and ironically, I just had somebody today as well, you know, that is here literally wrote on the, the, the form. I’m here to satisfy my parents, college age kid is as well, ironically. Right. So, you know, the way I deal with that is in I give a spiel every initial session that gives an idea of what to expect from me and this process.
And in that it’s a lot of information I throw at somebody, but I’m very active that way so that they can have an understanding of what it is that we will be doing. And, and that, that, that spiel has certain pieces that really directs the conversation. From a client’s [00:15:00] perspective, a client centered approach, you know, one of the things is how is life like now and how do you want life to be like is the language I use and it’s like, whatever you are wanting to accomplish, I don’t have any magic, but that becomes what we’re really looking at.
And then I’ll go in if I, if I feel an opportunity in the session to talk about that
JOhn-Nelson Pope: more with them. I’m wondering if, if she, your client is worried that she’s not going to be heard or to be seen as a person. And so you come, so what you’re doing is joining alongside her in that. Journey or in that trip and you’re able to, to, to make some sort of connection with her.
Chris Gazdik: I love that, John. That’s, that’s where I’m going for in the rest of the session is kind of like that connecting. What is the hangup? Is this a, and that’s where some of the art comes, Victoria, I feel like, you know, is this a situation where they’re ashamed of something? Is there a situation where [00:16:00] there’s a a reticence because of a dominating.
You know, a figure in your life telling you what to do. Is there, is there something maybe that is just anxiety or a diagnostic issue that you’re not really realizing is a thing? And we identify that and that helps to say, Oh, okay, I didn’t even know I had this thing then. So, so there’s different directions from that that you can kind of go into along the lines of, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah,
okay.
Victoria Pendergrass: That’s that. Yeah. That’s good stuff. I feel, I feel like I experience it with kids. More because there are a lot of kids, you know, because I’m here because my mom made me come here You know when they’re under the driving what
Chris Gazdik: therapists don’t see kids a lot because it’s difficult. Yeah
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, and so this was really my first adult client Who’s ever been honest with me about, like, not
Chris Gazdik: Like 20?
College age, she said. College
Victoria Pendergrass: age, so 19, I
JOhn-Nelson Pope: think? She’s still a late adolescent. She’s still a
Chris Gazdik: For sure. But adults, [00:17:00] I do this with adults, though. Yeah. Same kind of thing. Let’s get on to our stuff. Holiday hangover. I don’t think there are really great definitions out there, guys. You know, I mean, there, there is, everyone knows, this is kind of like one of the, I, I did too, that’s what I, that’s what I, I wrote.
In your
JOhn-Nelson Pope: brilliance, you come up with a new concept, and I think that’s good. What’s
Chris Gazdik: no, that’s, I, I am not brilliant, A, and B, that’s my point. Like, it’s not a new concept. I’m
JOhn-Nelson Pope: just trying to pander to you. Ah,
Chris Gazdik: stop it. Okay. Everybody knows what a holiday hangover is, but there isn’t a lot of formality around this.
That’s, that’s my point, right? That’s, that’s my point. So what is it that we’re, you think we’re talking about, Victoria, when you sort of say, I need to make one up?
Victoria Pendergrass: How do you, oh, like, how I would define holiday hangover? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, we all, most people, know what a hangover feels like. That dread, [00:18:00] down low energy of the new year.
After, when the holidays have been so busy, kind of thing. Right. That’s kind of what I
Chris Gazdik: imagine. That’s on point. John, what do you think we’re talking about?
Victoria Pendergrass: Maybe the, drained.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Yeah, I, I think the emotional and even the physical just kind of let down that comes after you’ve kind of pushed yourself and maybe not have slept as much as you needed to during Christmas season and during the New Year’s.
And so you, and then of course you’re. You’re overindulging and of course that affects you physiologically. By overindulging, I mean
Chris Gazdik: drinking. Neil, this panel rocks. I’m telling you what we’re in the presence of brilliance. I had previously time to think about it. And so I came up with actually the words, my own definition of.
The holiday hangover is the emotional state of feeling drained due to not having enough energy to accomplish [00:19:00] all the tasks that have been done Like you guys just nailed it, right? Y
websters, you know They got definition number one and definition number two. Okay, so I got I got definition number two, too You want to hear victoria?
Sure You’re going to tell me anyways. So I know, right? The feeling when all the fun and relationships leave the day after a holiday. Sort of like a There’s a sense of ennui. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, of course, the third definition, drank too freaking much. Yes. That’s the hangover. But, you know I think people really actually aren’t thinking about, you know, the alcohol hangover.
It’s much more the, this is a very difficult time of year. Yeah. And, and it still is. I mean, you know, we’ve talked about last time we were together, all the challenges of the holidays. And I don’t know how many people you guys had, but I mean, there’s a lot of people really, really struggling. I’m not, I’m, I’m looking at their faces right now and thinking of their, their, their names.
There’s a weariness. My spirit. Yeah. Brutal. [00:20:00] Brutal. So I, you know, to me, I really feel like, Overextending, and Victoria, that’s kind of where you went, I think. You know, over That’s right,
Victoria Pendergrass: where I go, yeah, that Go into that. Like, well, like, when you drink too much, it’s kind of like that. You overextend yourself.
You commit to more than what you’re mentally and physically able to do. You, you overdo it. But It’s kind of like how, you know, we’re talking about how I’ve been taking a break. Because I felt like I overdid it at my old job, and now I just like working and going home and hanging out with my family. Yeah.
And not doing much else. It’s kind of like that.
Chris Gazdik: You know? Okay, well, I know what you’re talking about they don’t, but now you went into it. Take a minute to describe, because that’s a really good example of what we’re really talking about. Of my example? In a microcosm of the holidays and what it is that Okay,
Victoria Pendergrass: so I’ve been And Chris recently asked me [00:21:00] to be more involved with the podcast, with Metrolinos, all of it together.
And so I explained to him It was your
Chris Gazdik: own stuff to benefit with, right? Yes,
Victoria Pendergrass: to my own benefit. Those things would benefit me. Professional activity. Yes. However, at my previous job, I felt like I was being
pulled in a number of different ways all the time. And I didn’t feel burnt out from therapy. per se, but I felt burnt out from doing all these extra things on top of therapy, which was my job.
And so now being in semi private practice, I really like just coming to work, like dropping my kid off in the morning, coming to work, doing my job, picking my kid up in the afternoon and going home. As I
like
Chris Gazdik: to say to people that are new to this sort of format, see a client, do a note, see a client, do a note.
That’s it. That’s it.
Victoria Pendergrass: Go home at five. Go pick up [00:22:00] my kid, go home, like, I’m not really interested right now in doing a whole bunch of extra, extra.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: And I, and I understand that writing notes, for example, I think that’s draining. Come on,
Chris Gazdik: guys.
Victoria Pendergrass: But, so that’s how we’re comparing it to this. When you do too much, when you get pulled too many different ways, and then you kind of feel burnout after the holidays is basically the bottom line that we’re
Chris Gazdik: saying, right?
It’s an exhausted feeling. Like a Like, I don’t just mean tired from the wrapping and the cleaning and all of that is, is, is a big factor also, but I’m trying to lay out the idea and your situation, Victoria, thank you for sharing that because it’s, it’s like a life energy thing. The emo, can I say that the emotional drain that people feel is way more of a life drain than any physical drain that you.[00:23:00]
You can feel, yeah. You’ve done a lot of physical stuff in the Navy, in the military, John, would you, how would you hear that stuff?
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Oh, I, I think my life is a lot more draining than I when I was in the Navy. Yeah. Kinda the emotion. The emotion because of the emotional level and being involved with people in terms of their of clients and in their lives and being a minister on top of that.
Right. And going down to Florida, for example, and my 92-year-old mother. God bless her said, but did you see Kevin? Did you see, did you see this person? Did you see that person? And I’m going, Mom, I’m just trying to relax and No,
Chris Gazdik: I didn’t see Kevin, Susan, Jane or anybody else. Yeah.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: And so that, I mean, there was a, and that was draining because I’m a mild introvert.
I mean, I’m just mildly introverted and it’s tough being mildly introverted introverted and being a minister or being also a therapist.
Victoria Pendergrass: How many times, and [00:24:00] I’m sure this has happened to y’all because it happens to me. How many times have you gone home and you just want to lay on the couch and your spouse or someone close to you goes, why are you so tired?
All you did was sit all day. All you did was talk to people all day. I’m like, okay. Very true, yes. But I will be so mentally exhausted. I’m not physically exhausted. I’m so emotionally and mentally exhausted from talking about and processing through all, everybody all nine people that I see on our normal days.
Problems like
Chris Gazdik: I have to say I wouldn’t before Neil Neil’s going for the mic. He’s you triggered you triggered the producer But before he says I need to say like no, I have honestly Victoria. I want to give my wife props I have never heard that really I never not once never I think it’s because she understands, like, you know, emotions are draining and she, you know, they’re draining to her and she’s really
Victoria Pendergrass: insightful about that.
Well, it’s other people. [00:25:00] Yeah, I’ve never been told that. I mean, other people, like friends and stuff sometimes, I’m like, y’all just don’t get it. I mean, I may not do physical labor all day. But my emotional drain, I’m emotionally drained.
Chris Gazdik: It’s
Neil Robinson: funny. My stepdad was hurt his back and he went into cabinet design.
And so he’s been on both sides of the spectrum. He’s been physical labor. And then he also does a lot more mental now. And he told me like about a month ago, it was the same thing. He’s like, I did both. And the mental sitting there mentally doing stuff all day, wears me out a lot more than physically building cabinets.
And unless you do that, you have that type of work. You don’t understand. Right. Your
JOhn-Nelson Pope: serotonin gets depleted. When you do a lot of mental exercise in terms of dealing with issues and processing many things. Yeah. Well, you also
Neil Robinson: have to look at how much calories your brain actually legitimately burns. I mean, like you’re running those, you actually burn a lot of [00:26:00] calories and people don’t understand that.
That’s a big thing. That’s why overthinkers are skinny. Hmm.
Chris Gazdik: Are they? I may not follow that trend. Is that a thing? I may not follow that trend either. Victoria. John. John.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Neil’s the
Chris Gazdik: skinniest one in our group. John, how many emotions do you think fly when you’re flying around family for extended periods of time?
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Did I say something wrong to my aunt? Did I say, did I insult my son? Or my daughter, or did, or what did I say to my wife? And my wife’s upset that a family in law said something to her that hurt her feelings and I go from anger to some puzzlement and some joy.
Chris Gazdik: You did this really well, John. Do you think Victoria, he had some of that?
Cause we all have that. Yeah, no, that was well done, John. Like all of that and more. All of that and more like I really want to normalize this [00:27:00] for you listening you who’s hearing this because I’m sure that you know You’re experiencing some level of this if not a big deal of this like this is super super Normal, I really felt it a little bit more this year than you know most years and and it’s no it’s no mystery to me as to why Cause we had just a lot of emotion missing our son.
You know, we got our first contact Christmas Eve. It was four and a half freaking minutes long. That’s it. For those who don’t know, he went off to bootcamp at the Navy. I still, yeah, yeah. I’m going to get used to doing that. Thank you, John. I love that. Although I don’t know if I can say that myself, a marine stepson of mine in our family said it’s, it’s not really a big deal, like you can do that.
Can I do that, John? Do you think? Yeah, yeah, you can do that. I can do that? Yeah. Okay. Because I don’t feel, I, I feel humbled. I don’t, I don’t
JOhn-Nelson Pope: If if you see somebody that’s got a hat, that’s got a marine or or uniform, do it. Hurrah. [00:28:00] Yeah. Hurrah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I I, I, I’m learning man. I’m learning. I’m gonna learn.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: But the Marines and the Army do it differently A little bit. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Hoorah. Yeah. Yeah. They’re, they’re hoorah. And the navy is, is what? Is
JOhn-Nelson Pope: the same as the
Chris Gazdik: Marines. Okay. Yeah. So anyway, listen, there’s so much emotion is the point with, with, with what your New Year’s and your Thanksgiving and all of this year end stuff.
And so, you know, this happens with blended families. This happens with finances. It, it happens, as we said, with. with close family and friends and, you know, the immediate situations that you get with extended family as well. I mean, all of these areas really have so much emotion going on with this, that you feel overwhelmed and you feel just exhausted when it’s all said and for
JOhn-Nelson Pope: example, my brother in law died of COVID about four years ago, three years ago.
And which tragic my, [00:29:00] and it was his birthday on December 31st, the good news. And so my sister was just distraught. My brother and his wife got married on December 31st. My dad got married and on the 27th, my uncle died. On top of this and I dealt and worked with
Chris Gazdik: just,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: just recently. And so, and it was about two days after Christmas and that was on the 27th and then on top of that, I worked and I had to work with my my aunt that had, that lost her, her husband and It’s kind of a difficult time on the plate and all those different areas emotionally.
And it’s supposed to be a happy
Chris Gazdik: time. Happy Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Happy wedding.
Victoria Pendergrass: Oh yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Oh gosh. You
JOhn-Nelson Pope: know. So, [00:30:00] and all those family members. Interaction and all of that and I think we process through all of that very well, but it’s still demanding.
Chris Gazdik: Well, you know, I’m glad you, I’m glad you put that, that, that last tag on it because whether you’re, you know, whether you deal with this emotional stuff well.
Or you feel like you’re not so well at dealing with this emotional thing, I don’t care either or it’s still going to be, it’s a common experience. It’s a, it’s still a common experience because if there’s another thing that I’d like to accomplish today is understanding that you’re not alone with this.
Like we have this whole social media thing, you know, You look at everyone else’s Christmas pictures and everyone else’s New Year’s Eve party and all the things going on. You’re like, geez, you know, like, I just feel like ours was that festive. It was like, you know, like, dude, you’re not alone. Every, every single one of those pictures you’re looking at, they feel this every single one.
And I don’t like [00:31:00] permanency words, every all and all that. But I, by golly, I think I’ll stand by this, this particular one, right? Well,
Victoria Pendergrass: yeah, I mean, you know, I always say social media is not real anyways. Yeah. You
Chris Gazdik: do have it. Oh, I like that. A good jump on that. Well, I mean,
Victoria Pendergrass: Everything that we post is curated.
We add a filter to it. It’s posed. It’s an advertisement. It’s a sponsorship. It’s a whatever. I mean, like they always say, the models in the magazines don’t even look like the models in the magazines. Because even, well, they all
JOhn-Nelson Pope: have a phone and they all have duck lips,
Victoria Pendergrass: so we’re past that. We’re past that.
Yeah, we’re not doing that anymore. We don’t do that. What do you mean? We don’t do so. We don’t, we still people still do selfies, but we don’t really do duck face anymore. Yeah. But I
JOhn-Nelson Pope: always see these photographs of, of women, the models that have pictures, they’re influencers.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. What’s the duck face? [00:32:00] Oh, is that a thing?
Yeah, it’s
JOhn-Nelson Pope: a thing or was.
Chris Gazdik: Like you’re pursing your lips. Anyways,
Victoria Pendergrass: I just say that social media is not real. And the things that you post is cause think about it. If I have a picture of my son crying and I have a picture of my son laughing. I’m gonna put the picture of my son laughing up there, even though those pictures may have been taken two seconds apart, you know?
Right.
Chris Gazdik: I mean if you play I love the way you just put that, that’s totally true,
Victoria Pendergrass: right? Yeah, I mean, or
Chris Gazdik: if If you’re crying and laughing within the last five minutes and the one, the laughing picture is gonna go up. I mean,
Victoria Pendergrass: in, in our group, in our friend group, love her to death, but we have this friend who is notorious for checking.
We take group pictures all the time, but she checks the picture before we move to make sure that it’s good. And I will tell you that sometimes
Chris Gazdik: she has like a veto or
Victoria Pendergrass: something. No. [00:33:00] Yeah. If, if she doesn’t like it, we’ll take another one. But I will say sometimes. Just because she approves it doesn’t mean everybody in the picture looks good, you know, like
Chris Gazdik: it’s But she looks good.
Victoria Pendergrass: Maybe. I don’t know. I can’t speak for her. She wants
Chris Gazdik: to look good at every moment. Well, she thinks she looks
Victoria Pendergrass: good. But I’m just saying, like, social shows I can’t talk today. Social media is not real. Like, but we’re all experiencing the emotion, different emotions behind what we post on social media. And I, I feel like amplifies during the holidays because you want people to see, Oh, I had all this special moments with my family, blah, blah, blah.
But then what they’re not posting is like the depression they experienced in between those things or after or the anxiety they feel whenever. They, you know, something happens or something didn’t happen or
Chris Gazdik: whatever. I feel like you were jumping in.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: No, I was [00:34:00] just I was going to mention Marshall McLuhan.
The the media is the message. And so, there is that I guess that it’s simulation. You want to control the message and you do it through media. You do it through and that was true. Marshall McLuhan did that over 50 years ago and talked about it. He was a Canadian academic who talked about it, but It seems like everything’s being orchestrated is that what I’m hearing from you and so it’s not real The fact is it’s like a play And everybody is in this play now, whereas we used to just go to theater or to the movies Everybody now is is is a director or producer
Victoria Pendergrass: Really
Chris Gazdik: involves That’s reality.
Yeah, but that takes a lot of energy. Yeah, John. Yeah. [00:35:00] John, yeah. I mean, you, I just, I just took a little journey in thought with you listening to you there. And it’s like, yeah, you know, like you, you, you don’t realize, you don’t realize that you’re doing that. But basically what you’re saying, I think is, is that we are constantly performing
JOhn-Nelson Pope: now.
It’s exhausting. It’s exhausting. And it’s exhausting. I mean, your friend, God bless her, is, she’s, Yeah, she’s sweet,
Victoria Pendergrass: we love her, I mean,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Okay. Well, she hears this and says, who is that jerk, you know,
Chris Gazdik: She
JOhn-Nelson Pope: knows we love her. That tells me that it’s, she’s seeking control, and the control of it,
Chris Gazdik: Maybe. Yeah. And, and I’ll tell you, John, the serenity prayer I quote many, many times over, and maybe this is an important thing through your holiday recovery, the serenity prayer, you, you’ve got to have the wisdom to [00:36:00] know the difference.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. When you try to change things you can’t control, you will beat your head up against the wall and drive yourself crazy. The second line, you know, the courage to change the things that I can, I do think that we missed that second line.
But I love the third, the wisdom to know the difference. God grant me the wisdom to know the difference between those two. I, I think we just get that all twisted up and try to control things like pictures and Performances and we don’t control the things that we can, such as boundaries. And, you know, I developed a rule of taking nap during the holidays.
I haven’t done it for a couple of years cause it’s a different life that I have now, but I would force myself to lay down for 20 minutes on every Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas, primarily. Like that was it. That was a rule that I created for myself. Control the things that you can control. Accept the things that you can’t.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: So, in other words, you’re saying that we’re not just senseless blind [00:37:00] objects that like two rams competing and beating their brains out, literally.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, you’re giving good metaphors today, John. Like, holy cow. Totally, totally true. Okay, well, let’s, so let’s, let’s focus in guys a little bit on what do we do to manage this?
So you know, we got the new year, we do have a lot of the old enzyme and, you know, I get, I get reflective very much around the new year. I didn’t this year for some reason, oddly enough, I really didn’t. I think my son’s got me all upside down, honestly, I don’t, I didn’t want to be like reflective, I’m kind of like, you know, what’s happening, what’s happening, you know, but I, maybe so did Victoria, and she’s more shocked than anything, but I mean,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Victoria the
Chris Gazdik: Victorian.
I had I had, right, I had a client. That was talking about like I really want to get my life together That’s actually a little bit of what generated this show. I was like, yeah, because she’s talking about you know [00:38:00] I got this job. I want to do this relationship that I need to end I got the stuff that i’m doing with finances and you know, my living circumstances my family i’m doing this and i’m doing that I’m, like, you know, yeah, like that’s where we need to get to john when we’re When we’re in this holiday hangover rest, take care of ourselves.
But then like, can we get into stuff? What, what plan are we developing? What, what direction are we moving in? Because that actually energizes you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: I guess I’ve just been in this game for so long, but I talked, I talked to my clients and they were just like, where are you coming from, man? I was saying have you made any resolutions?
Have you? And I said, I used to think that was really the dumbest thing in the world. And I’m, and I don’t make res, I make a resolution that I don’t make a resolution or something like that. If you don’t plan. You’re going to have your year go out of [00:39:00] total control and you’ll be just as tired or more so right the end of the next year,
Chris Gazdik: right, John?
Yeah. Yeah. I love your I love your excitement with that because that’s that’s where we’re going today. So let’s circle back around to this. You know, as the last segment that I want to do is really looking at. And so here’s a tip, you know, the life planning, you want to talk about life planning in a, in a bit.
So what else though, you know, realizing that there’s, there’s the loss, you know, the, the drain, you know, I think. I think my, my deal, my, my idea of the definition, you know, the emotional state of feeling drained due to not having enough energy, right? That’s, that’s realizing the renewal and what we want to do.
But the other is, you know, the grief and the loss of all the fun relationships and all the fun events that are now done. So how do we manage that? There’s the loss that there’s the overextension that we have. What do we do, you know, to, to recover with that grief and loss, [00:40:00] essentially.
Victoria Pendergrass: I don’t know. You’re going to have to repeat the question. I was zoned out there for a minute.
Chris Gazdik: She is zoned out. Where did you go? Where did you be?
Victoria Pendergrass: Sorry, my husband texted me asking for dinner. Oh, wow.
Chris Gazdik: I got distracted.
Victoria Pendergrass: He wants Chick
Chris Gazdik: fil A. It’s good to know. Victoria will have Chick fil A tonight.
Victoria Pendergrass: Sorry, can you repeat your question?
I do apologize. Can you repeat your question? What are
Chris Gazdik: you thinking, John?
JOhn-Nelson Pope: No, I just think it’s, I think it’s hilarious. I think I love your, your spontaneity. I’m sorry.
Victoria Pendergrass: No. ADHD is like really kicking in today. It’s probably that coffee you bought me earlier.
Chris Gazdik: Oh yes. It’s all your fault. It’s my fault that she has ADHD.
Did you hear that everybody? Please. No, it’s not your fault. Write in, write in and tell us. Would you, would you reframe that a little bit? Yeah. So the thing that I’m getting at is. The first part of what happens in holidays is one thing. Then there’s the loss of holiday, a [00:41:00] loss of relationships, fun, activities, and friends and stuff.
So how do we deal with the grief component of the holiday hangover?
Victoria Pendergrass: By keeping in contact with the people that you saw. Right. So I mean, yeah, you see Cousin Billy Bob once a year at Christmas, but that doesn’t mean you can’t FaceTime with Billy Bob throughout the year. You can’t write letters. You can’t send gifts.
I mean, like you can stay in contact, text, love that, whatever, love that. I mean, that’s a great way to, yes, you’re not seeing them in person, although you can schedule times to see them, maybe if you’re able to, if you’re privileged enough to be able to do that, you can schedule times to see them in person throughout the year.
You don’t have to thought of this,
Chris Gazdik: but I like your response, Victoria, and the thing that I would get you to think about, you, you, the listener, to think about, like, is there a deficit in contact with people? All year round, so that [00:42:00] when you have these fun gatherings, these fun events that then end, resulting in more of this feeling.
So, how can we get contact with your friends? How can we get contact with your family, if that is something that you ultimately want? All through the year, not just in Thanksgiving, Christmas. So in other words,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: you don’t put every, all your, you don’t put everything into that. This has to eggs in one
Chris Gazdik: basket.
John, I think people suck about reaching out. I just think people suck about reaching out and having a dedicated intention to, to build, foster and enjoy. The relationships, right?
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay. So I’ll use a personal example. I do those a lot. I see my, your husband wants, yeah. Well, that aside I see, I see my grandma and
my aunt sometimes twice a year, growing up, it was typically twice a year, [00:43:00] Thanksgiving and Christmas.
And they don’t live that far away. It’s like four hours. I mean, it’s not. It could be worse and now we see them three times a year that I have a grandson I mean that they have they have a great she has a great grandson, you know, they come for his birthday parties
JOhn-Nelson Pope: So you’re talking about intentionality?
Yeah,
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m talking about like there’s no like honestly that I look at it There’s really no excuse that my husband and I or even myself can’t make a visit more like, you know
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Yes, I do. And I, and I’m going to add I’m going to do a little throwback to a wonderful 1843 novelette named A Christmas Story by Charles Dickens and Scrooge basically, who’s the, the protagonist and the antagonist at the same time has, his life has become so small.
It is [00:44:00] just in terms of what Money that he has. And he’s very screwed. He’s very stingy and all of that. And he’s visited by three ghosts and he, and you talk about grief. You talk about he lost the ghost of Christmas past. He lost his love. Because of his love for money above all other things, his world increasingly became smaller and smaller.
Right. And so, and then when he lost his his sister Nell, I think it was Nell, what, anyway, his older sister, it even became more small. Whereas his, her son, Fred was someone that got his, his, actually his Scrooge’s sister’s openness and expansiveness and always would invite him. Now where I’m going with this is when he had his conversion, so to speak, and he had the last person, the ghost of [00:45:00] Christmas.
Future of what could be or whatever he saw his mortality. And he said, I screw this. Yeah. I’m going to be good now. Good now. And he started keeping Christmas every single day of his life. Oh, okay. Okay. In other words, that’s what you’re talking about. Yeah. Yeah. So you’re going to go see your, your grandmother on some
Victoria Pendergrass: random.
Show up
JOhn-Nelson Pope: and you’re gonna spread that Christmas joy, right? I took me a long time to get to that
Chris Gazdik: Okay, yeah and I’m excited about that because honestly we’re getting a little bit to the stealing of the thunder of the end but the idea of planning the life out All year long, like, I, I, I’m excited about that because, you know, when, when you, when you feel hurt and you feel harm, you grow the most, when you hurt the most, you grow the most.
That’s a common phrase. And I think there’s a lot of truth to that. And isn’t it funny that we [00:46:00] do movies and things and shows that it plays on the human experience because we can really identify with that, John. And so, you know, thinking of that Christmas story that is, you know, It’s a Wonderful Life is a lot like that as well.
Exactly.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: And they’re all retelling of
Chris Gazdik: the rebirth. It’s a common theme, isn’t there? It’s rebirth. Yeah, it’s renewal and re engagement. Hope. Hopeful re engagement. I like that. Like, you know, part of what I was thinking about is really, you know, when, when you, when you’re talking about managing the holiday hangover, I like to think of it as really, I mean, a therapist would, right.
You know, the, the opportunity that it is, you know, Cass wrote into YouTube live and I love that Cass, but, but there’s like thought, like, I don’t, I don’t like to reflect, right. That enters the past, which, which is gone. Think of the present as that is the only thing we truly have for the future goals and tables and goals should be an adventure.
I, listen, [00:47:00] I agree with you there, Cass, but you know, also, at the same time too, when we’re looking at things and we know we do this Victorian therapy all the time, right? That are of our past, that are of our experiences, it’s hard, it’s uncomfortable, but man, there’s incredible great growth in that, of course, right?
Yeah. So when you’re in a space where you’re in before the renewal, John, before the, the, the re energized part of those stories and that experience is. I got an opportunity here to be in this, and this will resurface, and will resurface over and over and over again until we really take advantage of that opportunity, and so now that you’re in it hang over you, the listener.
You right now have an opportunity, and I’m excited about that opportunity for you. To identify the things that maybe have been re [00:48:00] reoccurring in your life over and over that now you can begin to really make change and celebrate Christmas every, every day. A
JOhn-Nelson Pope: myth, a mythology story is Janice. Do you know who Janice was?
Janice was the god of doors, doorways, and Janice was depicted as a face that was looking in the past and also a face that’s looking towards the future. And we have an opportunity to go through the door of the past, and I think that goes with what Cass was saying, and then we also go into the future.
Hence, January. is the name Janice, January’s the
Chris Gazdik: name of Janice, yeah. That’s where that comes from? I didn’t know that! John, you’re a brilliant man, Mr. Poe.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: You’re a brilliant man, Mr. Pope.
Chris Gazdik: Ho ho! Ho ho ho! That’s a mean
JOhn-Nelson Pope: man,
Chris Gazdik: Mr. Grinch. I love that. [00:49:00] I think we just went off really well right there. Yeah,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: yeah we did.
Ho ho ho! Oh! Yeah, we
Chris Gazdik: did. So, let’s go into the last segment that I wanted to spend some time on today with the weird thought of You know, you, you, you hear a renewal, you hear New Year’s, you hear holidays, and you know what to do, and lots of people, you know, you can, you can catch, you know, vibey five things to deal with your, you know, holiday hangover, and all these kind of things that people talk about.
You know, one of the things that I think is really important about, about this time of year is, is getting, Routines gathered, not resolutions. This is why I make a resolution not to make resolutions is so popular, John, because, you know, the people
Victoria Pendergrass: know they don’t work. Or I make a resolution to make routines,
Chris Gazdik: patterns, routines.
What are the regular chronic, where’s the chronicity in your life that’s dragging you down or building you up? How do you turn,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: how do [00:50:00] you turn just ever so gently and change the direction of your life?
Chris Gazdik: Right. So I routinely make a suggestion in therapy and I get so frustrated with it. Thought leaders and content creators and coaches and stuff nowadays that say, Oh no, it can’t be a one, five and 10 year plan.
Victoria, you ever hear this? John, you know, it has to be a one, three and five year plan. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I reject it. I’m old school. I think that our human brain still had the capacity of thinking between now and 10 years from now. This is where I kind of want my life to be in direction for. So I stand about, I don’t care what most of the people say nowadays.
One, five and 10 year plans. 10 is still, I think the best way to go with sound and true psychological. Realities. Well, I’m curious what you both think about that.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Well, I agree with you. Do you really? 100 percent I’m old school. Yeah. Yeah. [00:51:00]
Victoria Pendergrass: I don’t know if I have an opinion. Really? Yeah. But that’s because you’re Yeah.
I mean, I could Young. I mean, 10 years from now, I’ll be 40. Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: you better have an idea what you’re waiting for, right? Yeah. Oh, there’s that John laugh that I love so much. It says so much. Yeah, you’re just I’m a baby.
Victoria Pendergrass: You’re still a baby. I’m a baby. Yeah. In John’s eyes. I mean, yeah, I don’t necessarily think I have quite input to put.
It’s just, I mean, I do at least agree. I agree with like the one in the five year. The ten year, I mean, I don’t Yes, I think you should give thought into it. How much thought? I’m not really
Chris Gazdik: sure.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: When I went, because I did, I did this, I did it the old school way of getting my advanced degree. Okay. Even though I could not do it in 10 years, that was always a constant goal that was out there that I was working [00:52:00] towards and I planned and I was able to, to finally do it once the kiddos were.
Out the door, out through college. Right. And, but, so I needed to do that. I needed to have that.
Chris Gazdik: Well, also, I think it I just, I just gotta cut in and say it. I wanna, I wanna circle back because, first of all, yes, Cass, you got, you got it, right? She, she’s, she’s with us today. Huh. And she says, you know, yeah, once you visit and reframe your past, you will do better in the present.
Excellent! That’s the point! Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. She’s a,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: she’s a
Chris Gazdik: logo therapy. She’s brilliant. Okay. What do you mean by
JOhn-Nelson Pope: logo therapy? Okay. Which is Viktor Frankl existentialism. Yeah. And in other words, reframe the past. Yep. Is that then you recharge your future. And when I work with my clients that are mid, mid middle aged in their midlife crisis, You know, they’re able to start to reframe it and Cass got it.
Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: yeah, I love that. So she [00:53:00] gets it all the time. That’s, that’s movement. That’s movement, right? So, but you know what’s funny, Victoria, is the 1 5 year. You know, you’re, you’re the generation, the millennials, right? That are, that are of concern when people say, Oh, life moves so fast. You can’t think about 10 years from now.
Like. There’s a reason why you do a 1, 3, and 5 year plan instead of the 1, 5, and 10. You know what? I, again, I just categorically reject that. Yes, things move so fast, and, and, and you’re not used to that. But psychologically, I would almost argue, this is just anecdotal, and my experience base, that’s all it is.
But I feel pretty strong about it because I’ve thought a lot about it. Like, we are almost not, not psychologically designed to work that fast. Well, our bodies and
brains can’t keep up. Our emotions can’t keep up. Why do you think our anxiety levels are so much higher? Yeah, social media, but also the pace of life, John.
I don’t think that [00:54:00] we can like feel grounded in that. Well,
Victoria Pendergrass: and I also going back to kind of what John was saying, I, and you might not agree. I also think it depends on an individual’s level of motivation. Because I think, okay, what you’re saying, John, is when you were doing your extra schooling, you even though you knew it, like you needed that, that goal of a 10 year point, like to push yourself forward.
But I think not everybody’s like that. I don’t know. Do, do you get what I’m trying to say? I, I Maybe, maybe I’m just, Maybe it sounds better in my head than saying it out loud. Oh. Neil has some input.
Chris Gazdik: Oh yeah, Neil’s, Neil’s going for the mic two times in one show. Wow, this might
Victoria Pendergrass: be, is this a record?
Twice in one show?
Chris Gazdik: Whatcha got Neil?
Neil Robinson: I think because I’m, I’m you in 10 years cause I’m, I’ll, I am 40 this year and my, you don’t look at, Oh, thank you. My immaturity ages me [00:55:00] well. So when I was younger, my goal was to get to a certain point in my career, which was about 10 years as I got to it, what it was at that point, my family came along and my family came to think, but what I found is after I hit that goal.
Not having that next 10 year or what that next was it kind of leaves you kind of stranded Like even without having like without having that part of it because I would just live my day to day just dealing with the kids I thought it was you do feel a lot different because you don’t have something that you’re pushing for And so while it’s it you shouldn’t set it in stone.
It’s kind of the idea like One years like in Penn. It’s tentative. Yeah, it’s but at least knowing where you’re going like knowing I’m gonna go to California in 10 years It’s gonna be a slow process. Now how I get there. I might go through Montana I might go through Texas The idea is my goal is to get to a certain point at the end and I think without having that 10 year Final destination to look forward to or to strive for it.
You do kind of feel kind of you’re wandering [00:56:00] And I think there’s a lot of people that are my age and younger that are stuck with that. Where they,
Chris Gazdik: because they
Neil Robinson: don’t have that 10 year plan, it’s so wide open. And I think part of the issue with society, it’s do what you do. What makes you feel good now?
And not think about long term like long term is where do you want to go right now? It might suck because you have to strive to do, you know, push harder, but in the long run, like without having that final place to know where to go.
Chris Gazdik: You’re just yeah, you know, it’s it’s a fun. I love what you’re saying neal and i’m listening too because I know you’re an Entrepreneurially minded person and you know a lot of the content leaders and thought people that talk now and whatnot about this And so it sounds like you you you’re because we we haven’t talked about this But it sounds like you’re kind of you know, you don’t like that one three and five year plan thinking either.
Is that? Is that part of what you’re saying? You’re like in agreement. I see the
Neil Robinson: value in the 10 years process. Yeah. I think there’s, there’s value in that long term goal. And I, cause I think you can’t [00:57:00] in today’s society, we’ve talked about it with the speed of technology. Things happen so much faster than they used to.
When, when I was in high school, the idea of getting to where you need to go is a lot different. Now, everything is shrunk and shrunk a lot as far as how fast things can go, but you still have to have that long term goal. You still have to have that long term goal of I’m gonna, I want to have my wife is now in this cake to look at blueprints for our next house.
I’m like, we’re nowhere near that, but it’s like, oh, I’m getting kind of frustrated, like all these things. I’m like. It’s giving us something that, Hey, if we really like it, then there’s that push. There’s that next thing. And so it’s, I think the 10 years should not be
Chris Gazdik: discounted. Well, you know, strongly about it.
Absolutely.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: I want to go one more thing and that’s because I’m retirement age. Okay. So I’m semi retired on one, one hand and the other is that
I’ve got my hand. I’ve got it. I’m, I’m still got going. I’m still going, but I need the next 10 years to plan because I [00:58:00] have goals and I still think I’ve got the edge mentally that I could do the thing and physically to do new things.
And one of the things that we find out a lot of people that particularly people, unfortunately, that have been in blue collar jobs that have worked in meals and things like that, they get a good retirement and then they’re dead in six
Chris Gazdik: months. I don’t know why people stop. Yeah, I was listening to Hulk Hogan talk about it on Rogan actually the other day and, and Willie Nelson, of all people talk, he’s like 90
JOhn-Nelson Pope: and he’s still playing a guitar and he’s got a hole in his guitar.
Chris Gazdik: And Willie Nelson said, if you stop Hogan, you drop. Huh. I mean, I don’t know why you’d want to stop, you know, when you have stuff to offer and things to do. Craig and I have talked about that co host from, from a little while ago, and it’s like, yeah, man, I mean, I love, John, what it is that you’re doing, because you’re absolutely still providing all kinds of particular quality, even with this show, you know?
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Yeah, I’m noticing something that’s changing in me. In the past, [00:59:00] maybe, maybe part of it is old timers, but I’m actually starting to see, wow, how everything is connected. It’s blowing my mind. I’m seeing connections, the things I’ve not seen before. And so I come up with these metaphors. It’s, it, it’s just a lifetime of experience and I’m integrating them and I’m doing that.
And so I’m. Okay, that
Chris Gazdik: sounds super intriguing. And very incomplete, so I don’t know how much you can go into that, John, but I’m dying for you to do so.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Well, for example, I would have never thought of the Janice thing in terms of, of looking in the past and looking into the future and showing how those, how that continues.
It’s in our. culture. It’s in our literature. It’s on all things and transitions. And we have a tendency to just think the time that we’re living in [01:00:00] is right now. We’re, we’re stuck as a people that is on the immediacy of now. But we’re not able to plan or to dream or t
And the key to survival and the key to thriving is to be able to, to really go out and make new dreams and plan new things.
Chris Gazdik: I’m not asking this to be silly. I’m actually asking this because I wonder if it fits with what you’re talking about. I mean, you’ve become the resident musician linguistics matchup, right?
Like, you’ll bust out with song that fits the topic of the moment. John like all the time. Is that part of what you mean? That’s part of it. What I mean?
JOhn-Nelson Pope: Yeah, I’m doing that more now. Yeah, and I’m freer
Chris Gazdik: See you
JOhn-Nelson Pope: brought out
Chris Gazdik: the good that’s fascinating
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah Okay, my mom has been retired for 10 years now [01:01:00] and I swear she is busier than Now than she was when she worked as a full time teacher, right?
And I mean they my mom and dad they travel they do things I mean half the time I call her and she’s like, I’m sorry. I’m busy. I gotta call you back, you know Like she’s doing Pilates. She’s she’s like doing all these things. I swear. I’m like mom You’re busy now. She’s
JOhn-Nelson Pope: saying how precious
Chris Gazdik: time is. Yeah they’re doing
Victoria Pendergrass: all these things that like They would not have been able
Chris Gazdik: to do.
It’s 8 Mile, that’s, that’s what’s the song from 8 Mile, the, the, the white rapper. Yeah,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: yeah. Eminem.
Chris Gazdik: Eminem, baby. Dude. The moment. Eminem. Seize the moment. Seize the moment. Absolutely. I did pull, I did pull Eminem in here. Still, don’t
JOhn-Nelson Pope: stop worrying, thinking about tomorrow. Yesterday’s gone.
Yesterday’s gone. That’s.
Chris Gazdik: See, I can’t sing Eminem. I can’t, I can’t.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: [01:02:00] But that’s not Eminem.
Chris Gazdik: Eminem. No. So listen. There’s other things in, in sort of life planning that I want to mention before we run out of here without our time. I, I, I want to suggest that you really spend some time in this holiday hangover that gets you out of this holiday hangover.
Something that is encouraging and empowering to engage in, which is, you know, thinking about what I want, thinking about what I need. Like, you know, with that one five and ten year plan, matching that up to answer that, it’s a hard question to answer. Yeah, people struggle with even admitting to ourselves or to others that we have needs.
I know I do. I don’t like to have needs You know, I was asked once in therapy, like, what do you need, Chris? And I’m like, I have many needs, you know, but we do and we certainly have wants and we want to look at what are the reasonable needs and wants that we have and how do we get them? How do we get them met?
And then another one, I really wanted to make sure that we got mentioned [01:03:00] are that you know, It’s directly in the, in the light, in the, in the face of resolutions, goals. I have no problem with goal setting. I mean, we will do whole shows on emotionally charged, smart goals and, you know, goal setting. I mean, all that’s great.
So I have no problem with goals, but they’re, they’re good. They really are good. I’m not patronizing it, but I feel like patterns is where it’s at. Like when you’re in this holiday hangover, you got to think about like, okay, so what got me here? That. is an opportunity to identify the patterns that you have.
I know you have them. You just have to figure out what your patterns are and whether you want to keep them, lose them, or tweak them.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay, you know how people say new year, new me? Yeah. I say no. Right. It’s new year, same me, but with different patterns. Love it. And with different
Chris Gazdik: habits.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: What a wonderful aphorism.
Thank you,
Victoria Pendergrass: John! But it is, I [01:04:00] mean, cause I’m not magically Thank you. I’m not magically a different Victoria just because it’s January of 2024. I’m the same Victoria, but now I have different pat I can create different patterns, I can create different habits, I can do those things. While still being like the same Victoria I was four days ago.
Chris Gazdik: So say this again. This is gonna be the new me! No. Okay. Say
Victoria Pendergrass: it. New Year. Same me. Different patterns.
Chris Gazdik: Love that. Right.
JOhn-Nelson Pope: I think that’ll, that’ll preach.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Put it on a shirt. We need some, actually that is, we do have quotes that we need to start doing something with. Oh boy, in this lifetime. And that should be one of them.
Because I haven’t heard that actually. That’s really
Victoria Pendergrass: cool. Well, that’s cause I just created it right now. Oh, you did? Seriously? Yes. I didn’t get that from anywhere. I said that on
Chris Gazdik: my own. That needs to be written down. The producer is writing it. It is, new me is not a [01:05:00] thing. New day, new year, same me, opportunities for new patterns.
Yeah, I love that. So another big thing that I want to say in tagging this together here in what are we talking about? How do we doing, you know, life patterns or life planning and and that is honestly to not be alone. Yeah. Like, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t do that. Be very, very careful about trying these new things and thinking about these things and you know, you can be overwhelmed with it.
You’re exploring what chronic patterns I have, like, don’t be alone.
Victoria Pendergrass: Also, it’s okay to reflect on the holidays and then create boundaries based off your reflection of the
Chris Gazdik: holiday. Absolutely. Yeah, boundaries and limit setting, you know, there’s, there’s a lot there. Yeah, I feel like we really need a taxi in for a landing today.
Sounds good. Sounds good. Closing thoughts, comments? I mean, what do you [01:06:00] guys want to leave us with? I almost mic dropped with the I think,
JOhn-Nelson Pope: I think she Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: I’ll
Victoria Pendergrass: say it again. she mic dropped us. New Year, same me. Different patterns.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. Amen. Let’s go with that, guys. Take care. Have a happy new year. We’re riding with you in 2024.
Happy trails to you.
Victoria Pendergrass: Bye, y’all.