In Episode 286 of Through a Therapist’s Eyes – How to Overcome, we’re diving deep into the power of resiliency with special guest Zay Grastley. From spending 14 years in prison to embracing his dreams and becoming an inspirational figure, Zay shares his incredible journey of overcoming adversity. We explore the impact of culture, the importance of vision, and how pivotal life events can reshape our paths. Zay discusses his affinity for Bob Marley, his strategies for managing anxiety and insecurities, and the importance of persistence. Join us as Zay opens up about his passion, the lessons he’s learned, and how he’s using his story to make a difference in the world.
Tune in to see How to Overcome Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Think about these three questions as you listen:
- How did something in life hold you down?
- What do you do daily to overcome distress?
- Have you experienced resiliency with something that was hard for you?
Links referenced during the show:
https://www.throughatherapistseyes.com/category/podcasts/personalstories
https://t.snapchat.com/BTRqXEjB
https://www.facebook.com/zay.grastley.music?mibextid=LQQJ4d
Intro Music by Reid Ferguson – https://reidtferguson.com/
@reidtferguson – https://www.instagram.com/reidtferguson/
https://www.facebook.com/reidtferguson
https://open.spotify.com/artist/3isWD3wykFcLXPUmBzpJxg
Audio Podcast Version Only
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Episode #286 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello, this is Through a Therapist’s Eyes. What is the date today, Mr. Cloninger? Something. 29th. 29th. 29th. Yep. We are so close to September and done with this heat, although you’re not quite done with the heat today, are you?
Adam Cloninger: No, I’m not. My power’s out in our neighborhood. So yes, it’s getting hot in my neighborhood.
Chris Gazdik: It’s hot in this office because they did a roving blackout for letting us cool. So we’re going to cool down here in a minute. But guys, listen, we got a special guest today. Mr. Zay Grastley. Sorry. I put
Zay Grastley: Grastley. Hey, it works. I’m used to it. It always gets butchered. You’ve been called worse, right?
Yes.
Chris Gazdik: You can’t do worse than Gazdic, I tell you. Pizza
Zay Grastley: people. I actually had somebody call me Gatsby. And like, in my mind, I thought of the great Gatsby, like I wanted to make a joke out of it so bad, I was like, nope, can’t. Oh, you should have, man. I
Adam Cloninger: should have said, yeah, that’s my uncle.
Chris Gazdik: That’s my uncle. Nice.
So this is Through a Therapist’s [00:01:00] Eyes, where you usually get insights from a panel of therapists in your home or your car, but not the delivery of therapy services in any way. We’re going to actually weave in the topic of, of resiliency, really. Talk about Zay’s experiences on the road and music and in life and kind of talk about how we develop resiliency.
We’ve talked about on show before, but questions I got for you this week to ponder as we talk is how did, how did, you know, how did something in your life hold you down? And then what did you do to overcome the distress that was there? So be thinking about that. And then, how have you experienced resiliency with something that was hard for you?
Because we’re going to answer some of that and how you get resiliency, build it, and play with it. You’ve lived it, I think, right? Definitely. Alright. John’s not here with us today. They, but they, they, you know, he gets pissed off if anybody gives us less than five stars on these shows. Okay. Yeah, he gets upset.
So we need five stars. Definitely get five stars. Contact us through atherapisteyes. com. Hit the subscribe button. Your job is to help us out. Bring your friends and everybody. Mash [00:02:00] that subscribe button. Mash it. Mash it. Mash it. I’m not from these parts, man. I can’t say that right. Smash it. Smash it. We press stuff.
We don’t mash it, mush it. Yeah, I don’t know. This is the human emotional experience which we endeavor to figure out together. Actually, I’m going to give Reed Ferguson the shout out. I haven’t done that every time, but he’s another artist. You ever hear of Reed Ferguson? I haven’t. You have? I haven’t. Oh, you have not.
He’s pretty beast. I’ll check him out. He’s pretty beast. Yeah, you really should. He did our intro. Okay. Music. You didn’t get to hear the intro here. We play it on the show. I did, but I didn’t know who it was. Oh, there you go. It’s Reed Ferguson. He’d love to come play for you. Find him on Instagram. He spells his name stuff weird though.
R E I D T F E R G U S O N. com We’re appreciative of Reed for hooking us up with the intro music. So, how did something in life hold you down? What What do you do daily to overcome distress and have you experienced resiliency with something that was hard for you? Because I [00:03:00] guarantee you, listening, you will come across things that are as hard, harder than anything I’ve dealt with or Zay’s dealt with, or pretty easy, but resiliency is always difficult to get.
So let me see how I could do this, Zay. Zaygrastleymusic. com Z A Y G R A S T L E Y music. com Pretty cool site. How long’s that been up? Almost a year now. Okay.
Zay Grastley: Almost a year.
Chris Gazdik: How long, how long you really been pushing in the music industry here to, to really get going? Probably about four years. About four years in?
Yeah. I like
Zay Grastley: that. 2020, I released. Like my first song out. Pandemic. How’d that work
Chris Gazdik: out, man?
Zay Grastley: That’s probably good timing. I had a lot of time to sit and write. Yeah, a lot of time. We all had a lot of time to sit and write. So he is a
Chris Gazdik: music artist with Gypsy Outlaw Music. He was born in Washington, DC. I didn’t know that.
I had to look that up. Hey, hey, start out in Washington, D. C. That’s
Zay Grastley: [00:04:00] I don’t remember. I was born there. He’s a little young. We live, I was probably like four or five years old. Gotcha. And the crazy thing we left there, we went to Knoxville, Tennessee, and then we came to Gastonia.
Chris Gazdik: I thought there was a few stops.
It was. Okay.
Zay Grastley: Knoxville is like the longest one of the longest ones.
Chris Gazdik: That’s like maybe we say we’re from Gastonia but really it’s the Charlotte area so we just say Charlotte. Couch a couple
Zay Grastley: weeks here, couch a couple weeks there, you know. Gotcha. Born in
Chris Gazdik: DC but moved around a lot with a single mom and landed in our little old hometown here called, what is it?
Gastonia. Gastonia. I was gonna pull Adam in and see if you remember where we live. Yeah, I remember. You’re actually from here. I
Adam Cloninger: am.
Chris Gazdik: And you’re from here, then, too, do you say, or do you say you’re from where?
Zay Grastley: No, I’m from here. Gastonia.
Chris Gazdik: Oh! Oh, yeah. How you claiming Gastonia over
Zay Grastley: D. C.? I don’t, I don’t remember it.
I don’t know it. Like I left when I left DC, I was three, four years old until [00:05:00] like, I went to school, all of my school and everything has been in North Carolina. Okay. So high school, this
Chris Gazdik: really was your, you’re growing up. So when we
Zay Grastley: came to North Carolina, I was in third grade. Okay, so third grade through, you know what I mean?
So most of my years like actually growing up was here
Chris Gazdik: So I came to North Carolina after grad school
Zay Grastley: You missed out on some good country
Chris Gazdik: times. I don’t know man. You might like West Virginia. I think that’s why I think I like you Huh? Yeah, I don’t Oh, I, I was just saying I like you man, now we have a problem.
I enlightened
Zay Grastley: you on that last night. So one thing is I stay away from courthouses in any state that I’ve been incarcerated in. Oh. That is like a, that is like a thing of mine. Alright man, I gotta give you that one. West Virginia is off limits. Yep, I do not go to West Virginia. It’s just like a bad, there’s nothing wrong with literally West Virginia.
It’s just like a, nope.
Chris Gazdik: I’ll give that bad memories. Maybe we’ll have a healing trip and we can go to West Virginia and I’m going to [00:06:00] sit
Zay Grastley: right on the state line. You ain’t going to cross. You ain’t going
Chris Gazdik: through the tunnel. There’s a tunnel that goes from Virginia to West Virginia. And when you’re in the tunnel on the south side, it’s Virginia.
And then you cross over and you’re in West Virginia. I promise
Zay Grastley: there’s a way around. It has to be. There is. Oh, it’s a long, it’s a little bit longer. It’s the easy way
Chris Gazdik: though. Good to see you in the tunnel. Like, come on, man. It’s okay. You can cross. All right. Let me see. What else do I want to introduce? So you had a birthday on August the 9th.
Happy belated birthday. Went to Hunter Huss High School. And so we want you to come. Oh, also D1 athlete. Was that mostly basketball?
Zay Grastley: Basketball.
Chris Gazdik: You playing football?
Zay Grastley: I play football also. Yeah, basketball. Did you play for? I played a hundred hooks. Oh, okay.
Chris Gazdik: High school. Yeah. Do you want high school ball in North Carolina?
I had
Zay Grastley: offers when I took my vacation.
Chris Gazdik: What’d
Zay Grastley: you do?
Chris Gazdik: Decline them? Yeah. You had to decline them. Involuntarily. Yeah. In 14 years. Come celebrate his birthday with him. He’s [00:07:00] going to be playing in Gastonia, his hometown, Saturday, August the 31st. Beast of a place, beast of a town. It’s gonna be a fun show. I really want you guys to come out, check him out.
He’s got some awesome music. We’re gonna play a piece here in a little bit from his album. His storage of music. He’s going to meet the rooster that I don’t think
Adam Cloninger: you said that so I didn’t yet
Chris Gazdik: So he has played in ashville louisburg ocean isle franklin port smith, ohio I love charleston. You’ve been played in charleston.
Zay Grastley: I played in charleston twice. I like charleston
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, that’s a great little town. So he is adam going to be at the rooster on august 31st Now, where is the rooster? I don’t know the rooster to be honest with you. It’s across the
Adam Cloninger: street from the post office Nope
Chris Gazdik: Right over there in downtown Gastonia at the post office.
Yeah,
Adam Cloninger: right across the street from the post office. All
Chris Gazdik: right, you guys got to check him out Saturday. He comes on the show about 8, but I guess doors open up about 7, 8 o’clock. You go on at 10.
Adam Cloninger: Yep.
Chris Gazdik: I know, because I’m gonna cry. I
Adam Cloninger: think you said the show starts at 6, right?
Zay Grastley: Doors
Adam Cloninger: open
Zay Grastley: at 6.
Adam Cloninger: Doors
Zay Grastley: open
Adam Cloninger: at 6.
Chris Gazdik: Doors at 6. [00:08:00] There’s a couple other people before him. So, they don’t matter. Okay, yeah.
Zay Grastley: I’m honestly excited to see the comedian. Oh, yeah? Oh, there’s a comedian coming. Yeah. I follow him on Instagram and he’s hilarious. Oh, I love God. Live comedy shows. He is like, he’s hilarious. I can’t wait to. I can’t wait.
He’s like, I don’t, the accent. That’s like who I want to see. That’s why you’re going. Yeah, I want to see the comedian.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, we got a, we got a comedy house down in Charlotte. I am way overdue to go there. I love comedy,
Zay Grastley: man.
Chris Gazdik: So, check it out. TheRoosterGastonia. com You can check out what they’ve got going on, where they’re at, get the address, get ready to go.
The R O O S T E R, as it sounds, Gastonia. TheRoosterGastonia. com. Check them out and let’s, let’s play. Let’s, let, we’re gonna, we’re not gonna play that though. We’re gonna play a different game.
Adam Cloninger: We’re gonna play rabbit hole.
Chris Gazdik: We’re gonna play rabbit hole. Now I gotta tell you man, I got, I got a rabbit’s nest in my yard right next to my driveway where my lawnmower rolled over it.
Did you [00:09:00] know that rabbits are like in a little shallow hole in, in yards? Oh yes,
Adam Cloninger: I’ve had a couple of them. Have you? Yeah. I’ve never run over one though. I didn’t know that. Did you run over one? Oh my
Chris Gazdik: god, it was like these little, no bigger than my fingers. Man, I had to because it was like A couple days before we found his nest or whatever.
Adam Cloninger: Are you okay,
Chris Gazdik: Chris? I’m a little disturbed about that, man. I figured you were. I don’t want to chew up no rabbit, no baby rabbit with my mower. Alright, we’re gonna be real quick with this. Normally we do a down the rabbit hole with, with Adam. Just saying, you’re
Zay Grastley: from West Virginia, rabbit stew is okay. I
Chris Gazdik: mean, I’m down with the little rabbit stew.
Just saying. Black bear as well. You wanna go, you wanna go crazy? We’re not going roadkill though, man. Just saying. Rabbit stew. Adam normally we do on the, the, the week, month in review, which we’re not gonna do this way, which we have like four or five shows to review. We’ll have to pick that up. So where are we going with the rabbit hole, man?
Adam Cloninger: Just a little quick story about. And actually, it ties in very well with your topics you have that you want people to think about this, this week, or over the next month or so. This just happened a [00:10:00] couple days ago. August the 26th, 2024, New York. We had a family of five. They met at noon at one of the family members house.
It was to discuss the sale of the house. The house used to belong to the person who lives there currently living there, a 59 year old man, but his mom lived in the house and she was deceased and it’s her house. The meeting was to discuss selling the house. But it didn’t go that way. He shot and killed four family members ranging from 30 to 69.
Chris Gazdik: I was afraid we were going that direction. And then walked
Adam Cloninger: out into this cul de sac, yelled at all the neighbors, proclaiming what he had done, and then he shot himself. As I’ve done before, I saw you really know about it. You don’t know any more details. I don’t really know if the other family members were siblings or cousins or what, but you know, I’m assuming they were all brothers and sisters, I’m guessing.
So what do you think, what kind of, what kind of stress was he going through? What was he thinking about? What kind of condition he [00:11:00] might’ve had or. Anything else you might want to think about it.
Chris Gazdik: Sorry, Zay. Usually he has some weird, obscure things like the night fighting I was telling you about. We’re starting with a little depression today or rage room.
Rage rooms are awesome. Zay, I don’t know. I’m curious what you think about a story like that. What, what, what it does in my mind is, is people really are struggling. I mean, you hear stories and things like that, and unfortunately it happened like way too commonly than you would think, but it does, it really does.
Doesn’t it?
Zay Grastley: I don’t like, I don’t, I think my brain goes to a different place. And it’s not like to be funny, but I wonder like, what were the other family members doing when he was shooting other like, right? You wait in line or like, right? How did you not get to him? Like, that’s the thing that goes through my mind.
Like, I know it’s traumatizing, but it’s like, do you really just sit there and let him go through the whole room? It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s a really interesting point. And
Chris Gazdik: honestly, in psychology world, you know, we know we, we have trauma reactions fight. Fight or [00:12:00] fleet. So, you know, if you’re freezing, that’s all you’re going to do.
If you’re going to flight, well, that’s not going to help. I’m sure there are some fight responses.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. I’m sure there’s a lot of shock there too. And they probably were actually first one that got shot. They’re probably another concern I have was try to. Take care of the person that got shot of course I don’t know where they shot him or whatever, but they might have been like, oh my god, John.
It’s it’s a
Zay Grastley: Last person besides him. What were they doing? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like did they wait he got three other people before you like what was his what was yours? Yeah, like what were you doing? Yeah, it isn’t that I don’t know. It’s just
Chris Gazdik: It is an interesting question. That is interesting that your brain goes there.
I, I, I think I just sort of think, Adam, like, you know, what stress could be anything. I mean, the thing really you need to realize, somebody said to me early in my career at one point, and it’s really stuck with me. I think it’s totally true. He said, in my mind, I was working in a mental health center where it’s [00:13:00] pretty bad.
unhealthy people, pretty sick folks. I mean, they got schizophrenia and bad bipolar. I mean, they were used to be in insane asylums when brought him back. So he looked at me, he’s like, man, Chris, you need to realize the difference between the people we serve and ourselves is no thicker than a piece of dental floss.
I was like, Thought he’s crazy, cause I was a young, 24 year old, whippersnapper, you know? But I mean, that has stayed with me, and so, Adam, I mean, it could literally be anything that happens. Because if you think you’re not capable of that, human beings do it. And you are most certainly capable about that, given the right circumstances.
Anybody can
Adam Cloninger: snap. That is for you.
Chris Gazdik: In a bad way. You know, so yeah, we’ll, we’ll, we go further with that, but I want to get to some stuff. So let’s, let’s get rolling. We love, we love definitions on this shows a, it seems like we always have a definition resiliency. So the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties or toughness.
And I like [00:14:00] this one better. The ability to successfully adapt to stressors, maintaining psychological wellbeing in the face of adversity. That to me, says a. A whole lot more. Let me say that again. The ability to successfully adapt to stressors, maintaining psychological wellbeing in the face of somebody or something giving you adversity.
And I, I think that’s, that’s a hell of a thing. So let’s, let’s, let’s get right to it. Part of your story is a 14 year vacation, as you called it. Part of that was in my. Home state of West Virginia.
Zay Grastley: You got to travel to a lot of different states. Sorry about that, sir. So
Chris Gazdik: that was a a, a prison experience followed by a determination to live out a dream and that you’re currently blazing through since 2020.
I wonder. What goes through your mind when you think of resiliency and adversity? I mean, that is some serious, steep [00:15:00] adversity to overcome. So what’s, what’s that do in your brain?
Zay Grastley: It’s kind of like fuel for me just because coming home and going back to Gastonia and seeing friends that were still there and, you know, places I used to go to see.
People still literally doing the exact same thing. Like nothing. It’s like Gastonia look different, but the people were still the same in the same areas. And it was just like, yeah, this isn’t, I mean, I love, I lo
I grew up, but I felt like I could do better if I was to get away from it and come back, come back with something different to offer to the town than just sitting there and like a, a melting pot, you know,
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, when and when did you come when did you come back?
I mean, how much time have you done and that’s a weird way to [00:16:00] say that Pun if that’s a pun does that count as a pun how much time have you spent in Gastonia really since as an adult I should say.
Zay Grastley: Couple months. Yeah. Okay. Not a long time. So
Chris Gazdik: this is kind of a big trip for you this week, really, in a way.
Yeah, this is
Zay Grastley: my first show that I’ve ever put on here, and Dang! No kidding.
Adam Cloninger: Oh, man. I’m just thinking about all the extra people here now. I know. Can’t go anywhere without a line or anything now. 14 years away.
Chris Gazdik: Right. Yeah, that’s gonna trip you out then. I mean, is that resiliency or is that something else?
Like, just arriving, like, how do you, that’s a hell of a turnaround, like, literally right now, today, and whatever this week.
Adam Cloninger: So it’s like a drive to, like, not go back to those times and you just want to be well, it’s a
Zay Grastley: drive to because believe it or not, when it comes to [00:17:00] sports. Music Gaston has a lot of talent.
Chris Gazdik: James Worthy,
Zay Grastley: Sleepy Floyd, Daryl Armstrong, right? I can name Hassan white size. We’ve had, Oh, you’ll
Chris Gazdik: appreciate this man. I was actually playing softball with the highest all time score for Belmont Abbey. Nice. Yeah. I forget his name though. It was going to spend many years. Is it Robbie Waldrop? No. Robbie Walters?
No. Waldrop. No, it wasn’t him. Okay. Yeah, I think maybe I got a stat wrong as well, but he was he was it was going so well He forgot his name. I know right? Well, it’s been I mean gosh, that was like seriously It was two one t years ago. At least we were playing softball. So yeah Maybe that’s a good place to kind of kick in.
We wanted to play a little bit of one of your One of your cool songs, southern charm. Okay, tell us a little bit about what this is And yeah, we’re gonna fire it off here when he when he tells us about what this is What this thing is, is [00:18:00] this one of the bigger, newer hits, I guess that the Southern
Zay Grastley: charm has been out almost a year and it’s actually the one it, I’m not going to say it went viral on tick tock and went semi viral and you write it, but it’s yeah.
Okay. I write all my music. Okay. It’s still, the numbers are still going up at it right now. It’s like, I think 172, 000 views on YouTube. Okay. But when I wrote Southern Charm, it was really Sure, after this show, man, we’re
Chris Gazdik: gonna have like 250, 000 views on this sucker. We hope so, anyway. I hope so. I hope so.
That would trip me out if that were the case. I’m not promising that, brother. I hope so.
Zay Grastley: But no, I wrote Southern Charm really as like a, and believe it or not, when I went to my engineering thing to put the song out, that was like my least favorite song.
Chris Gazdik: Really?
Zay Grastley: Yeah. And that’s the way that works. And that’s the one that took off.
But Southern Charm was more of a song just for me. I don’t know, trying to explain me to people, you know, you get a, you get a little hood, a lot of country. Okay. Play it back. You know, it was just a little bit of
Chris Gazdik: [00:19:00] hood, a lot of country, a
Zay Grastley: lot of country. And how
Chris Gazdik: does that. Play to you. That’s what you are. A
Zay Grastley: little hippie.
A little gypsy. You know, it goes back and forth.
Chris Gazdik: A little hippie, a little gypsy. I love that. That’s a quote. Neil, what you got, man? Let’s, let’s, let’s hear what this thing is.
You ever get tired of hearing it?
Zay Grastley: No,
Chris Gazdik: I don’t. Awesome every time.
Zay Grastley: I laugh because I had a guy ask me one time. At the beginning of the video, like some of my buddies down in South Carolina, they’re just like throwing up pieces. He’s like, are they throwing up gang signs? And I’m like Dude, we’re a long South Carolina on a farm.
I . I was like, I’m very seriously. I doubt they know any gang size. Wow.
He was like.[00:20:00]
We’re not. My grandpa taught me wrong from My grandpa taught me wrong from right before I live my life. right before I live my life. I’m a jack of all trades but the I’m a jack of all trades but the master of none. I’ll be master of none. I’ll be up before
Chris Gazdik: the chickens. I might’ve lost my mind. So, So,
Adam Cloninger: So, what the rabbits sound like?
to
Zay Grastley: me?
Adam Cloninger: When Chris runs over, I’m sure they will be a little bit. Oh, that makes my heart hurt.
Zay Grastley: Just think of that rabbit stew. Do what?
Chris Gazdik: Oh, rabbit stew. Well, no, after a lawnmower, man. Love that, man. That’s an awesome tune. Really? I was compliment. I didn’t know much [00:21:00] of your, your, your work, to be honest with you.
And I was kind of checking it out and, you know, jamming with it last night as I was preparing. So I love you. You got a fan. You know, what’s that I said I
Zay Grastley: have a
Chris Gazdik: lot of music out do you yeah Well, I’m gonna I’m gonna pull some CDs and get some music and I invite you to do it with him because it it is Down home southern charm is is I mean you might not have had it as your favorite song, but it’s a good title It fits it is charming down here in the south So Gastonia’s history the question I have with resiliency is how does how does culture or the things around you affect you in your life?
remember like The questions, have you ever experienced resiliency with something that was hard for you? And, you know, Gastonia has a tough history. And, and interestingly enough you know, I’ve been around his area for 20 years doing therapy and it took me like a long, long time to, to figure out a, a interesting, unique component of, of, of like a [00:22:00] subculture.
And Adam, I’m curious if you ever heard of this because I grew, you grew up around here and.
Adam Cloninger: The Klingons?
Chris Gazdik: Not the Klingons. Okay. That just threw me off. You know, if you went on Star Wars, we got Groot. That’s Vulcan.
Adam Cloninger: Don’t be Vulcan crazy.
Chris Gazdik: So really, when I, you know, a couple of clients, you know, there was something that was off.
And I never really Could figure out what was going on. They’re from Gastonia. Yeah, pretty much. It’s in the water. It does. It does something to you. Yes. I, my, my kids are born and raised Gastonians. It’s so sad to me, but it’s okay. No, I love this area, but, but this area is very steeped on mill history. Lots of manufacturing.
Firestone mill made tires and all of the, you know, I mean, I’m very familiar with all that from West Virginia with, with, with, with coal mining and, you
know, plants and I mean, a lot of blue collar, all of this, a lot of textiles [00:23:00] here, textiles, all huge here. So people that lived in these mill towns, though, little mill homes, white men specifically really, really struggled in poverty.
And for instance, there’s an awesome book. I was going to mention it somewhere today. I get well now Jimmy Wayne, you ever come across that feller? I’ve
Zay Grastley: heard that name
Chris Gazdik: before. Yeah. A walk to beautiful. You really, I think would enjoy his book because he, he grew up in the foster home system. And horrible neglect, horrible abuse, terrible trauma, like everything you can imagine, someone being hacked up with an axe in the driver’s seat when he was a kid in the backseat kind of stuff.
Anyway, he did a, he did a walk across the country. You know, bringing awareness and support for foster kids. I was just enamored with, with his story, but it, it has a lot to do with this area. Like these particularly white men were [00:24:00] struggling, not with milk money being taken on the way to school, but it was.
Every day watching your six every day is could be a knife fight or was it
Adam Cloninger: because
Chris Gazdik: they were like coming back
Adam Cloninger: from work or something or what
Chris Gazdik: kids man drugs and the whole nine your advanced street, you know, the whole mill area. Yeah. And so That’s the culture that they grew up on and I identified that now three or four times in therapy And so and because they never dealt with it, right?
So my curiosity is like in in your experience and all of that, you know, what you know What is that culture influence, you know for the good and for the bad like how does that play into? Your music your life your view your perspective your life experience
Zay Grastley: Well being from gastonia You And then also growing up in prison, I will say Gastonia between the two [00:25:00] more Gaston yesterday was better.
I mean, definitely. Yeah, it was better, but I would say Gastonia keeps me humble. Like I have a lot of people say, Oh, you don’t really seem excited about things or, you know, stuff like that. And it’s like, you know what I mean? You don’t, you, you hear a lot of things, but. Things never fall through. So it’s like, you just don’t put your hopes on it.
Right. I know, I know exactly what he’s talking about. Do you know what I mean? And it’s most people in Gastonia, like you could tell somebody in Gastonia, Oh, the baseball field, the baseball stadium is coming. They’re like, Huh? Oh, well, it’s going to be a million jobs. Okay.
Adam Cloninger: Wow. Okay. They don’t, you know what I mean?
But it’s like, it’s like, you’re not expecting it until you actually happens. You’re like, okay, I know they’re talking about it, but okay. We’ll see. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I can relate that totally.
Chris Gazdik: And I can actually really bond with that because where I’m from, Wheeling, West Virginia is, you know, it’s all the valleys, it’s up by Pittsburgh, but there’s, there’s a, [00:26:00] yeah, there’s like a cultural depressed, not wanting to get.
Like, ask any, you know, Steeler fan before the Steelers got good, right? Like, it was year after year after year after year of horror. I didn’t hear you. Are they? Harlan, man. This guy’s making me mad again. Neil, what are we doing here? Get this guy out of here! I like him. Yeah, you like him. Everybody likes him when he says stuff like that.
No, but that, that cultural, is that part of overcoming? Like, how do you overcome that? Humility is good, but that can also hold us back from reaching out for what you’re doing now.
Zay Grastley: Just knowing there’s more out there, there’s something better out there. And my thing is to, it’s a lot of people in Gastonia with no hope.
You know, they just, they’re comfortable with that. I could go down a list of people that’s never, that’s never left out of Gaston County. And if they have, they went no further than [00:27:00] Myrtle Beach. You know what I mean?
Like, when people leave Gastonia, like, oh, we’re going on vacation, it’s Myrtle Beach. Right.
Yeah. Literally, Myrtle Beach or Virginia Beach? Which is three hours away. That’s a vacation. And it’s like, dude, there’s so much more in the world. There’s so much more to see. There’s so much more to do. There’s so many more opportunities outside of Gastonia.
Adam Cloninger: To his point, I’m 53, and it’s been four years ago, first time I ever went to West Virginia.
For real? Yeah, and I’ve always lived in West, in Gastonia. Okay. And it’s not that far. Yeah. No. It’s not. It’s not far at all. So there you go. It is not that far. In fact, that’s the first time I even went to Virginia. And that’s just passing through it.
Chris Gazdik: Really? Yeah. Yeah, I, I can vouch for that as well. I mean, I, I did work with kids in, in this area.
And yeah, like literally they never, I mean 15 years old, 17, whatever, but never left Virginia. The city like holy cow
Adam Cloninger: And if you’re like me, you probably know a lot of people that are like, oh man, I gotta get out there [00:28:00] And they say it every day. Yeah, and then some people you they do get out that you don’t come back
Chris Gazdik: So family culture is another piece of family culture It lives, you know in us the family culture the family experiences primary life experiences with With all of the growing up stuff and and and even as an adult But you know family culture lives in us until we’re aware of it And make purposeful conscious decisions to determine what it is that we want to be or how we want things to be in our life and developing a certain amount of agency over what it is that that you want to accomplish or do.
Curious if you can think of. Like, what created that agency over your life? What, what really helped you feel like you have control that you took it? Cause it seems like you took it at some point.
Zay Grastley: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: And, and really are running with it. Getting ready to get into a sprint, I have a feeling. So what created that, [00:29:00] that agency?
What created that empowerment to overcome feeling the culture around you?
Adam Cloninger: And why you’re answering that. Let me ask you something else too. You answer probably at the same time. So when did you decide this is going to be your path? So, it
Zay Grastley: is So to answer yours first.
Adam Cloninger: Okay.
Zay Grastley: I wrote my first song when I was probably about 12, 13.
And I used to always go to my sister and be like, Hey, listen to it. And I do it. I used to be, but it was terrible. Like the thing of it now, like every word was literally a cuss word. But to me as a kid, you know, it was like, okay, I’m writing music. But from what you heard too. Yeah. And that’s what I heard.
So I knew I wanted to do music. Like I knew it was, and I’m not even gonna say music. I call it art. It’s all art, music, painting, tattooing. And I do it all. You know, I was a tattoo artist for years and I still tattoo. I just focus more on music now, but it’s all art. And so [00:30:00] I knew young, I want to do something with art.
I’m not a mechanical person. I can put gas in the car, change a tire, but that’s about it. That I don’t have that side of the country in me. I’m just, I can cook. Come on, man. Country boys are supposed to fix stuff. I can cook. Okay, well, that’s art too. I got buddies that work on cars and motorcycles and I cook.
Call it whatever you want, but I Feed them while they fix it. I got you, yeah. But no, I think me coming out and going, I was in Gastonia for about a year once I got out of prison. And it was like a fight because I didn’t want to get comfortable just tattooing in tattoo shop, going home from work and doing nothing, getting drunk, getting up, going to work the next morning.
I didn’t want to become a stereotype. You know what I mean? Cause it’s like most people come home from prison. They, you know, they don’t want to do anything. It’s like, they [00:31:00] feel like the world owes them something. So they don’t, you know, they get lazy and it’s like, I never wanted anybody to look at me like that.
I never wanted, I look at prison as a saving grace for me and I don’t, I don’t look down on it because from where I was at, if I would have kept doing that, it’s no way I would have been here today. I would have been gone years ago.
Chris Gazdik: So what led you to that? What was the charge or what happened? What was life like that led up into culminating to like this big deal?
There was a lot of them. Yeah, there was a lot of them. Okay. There was a lot of them. Yeah,
Zay Grastley: it was a lot of them. I had trafficking charges, selling guns drug charges, selling drugs, B and E charges, breaking and entering, robbery charges. When I was young, I was young It was a lot of influences. It wasn’t I can’t, the influence I, I’ll, I’ll take a section from my half because even though it was an influence, I made a choice.
Absolutely. Sure. And when people are like, [00:32:00] I understand you have the influence, but you still have the choice to make. And if you know, right from wrong, you know, what choice to make, you just choose to make the wrong choice. And the choices I made then I think to myself now, and I’m like, Dude, you were retarded.
Like what was wrong with you? What are you thinking? Like how, now, if I accidentally walk out of the store with a piece, I’m like, Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m sorry. Here. Like, like, here you go. My bad. But I think like, dude, you were brave. Like I was brave then, you know? And I didn’t understand how stupid I was.
Chris Gazdik: It’s just interesting because I think there are, there’s definitely accountability. We definitely make choices. It’s good, good, good spot to throw in Adam. This statement that, you know, I hate, what is it? It is, it is what it is. And that’s the end of that statement. That is not the end of that statement.
Say, because he, it drives me nuts because it, it, it really takes that [00:33:00] agency away. It takes the empowerment away. It’s a passive statement. There’s not a lot of passivity in, in, in positive mental health. And so I’ve added a statement. So you do what you can do. It is what you make it. It is what you make it.
I like that even better. What are you talking about? All right. Well, Neil added it. What are you talking about? Okay. Well, he did it. We have to talk after the show. You know
Adam Cloninger: what I need to do? I need to get him to give me a tattoo. It says it is what it is.
Chris Gazdik: No, there’s no period after that. Say you can’t do that.
You got to have a comma. Yeah. Give him a dot, dot, dot. If you’re going to do that.
Zay Grastley: So I’ll do it is what it is on him. And I’ll do it is what it is. Dot, dot, dot on you. That’ll be your matching tattoos. Okay. There you go. I like that. What do you think, Neal? So, first of all, tattoos terrify me. I don’t need Neal going
Chris Gazdik: in and out of me that many times.
Secondly, I don’t like the idea. If I get a tattoo, it’s going to be a problem. I love that idea. You see me and Neal’s reaction, we’re like, oh. Yeah, he’s got to tear them up, man. You’ll be done in 10 minutes. Zay, I’m going to hear it from this. for like [00:34:00] the next five years, man. I don’t like this conversation anymore.
I
Adam Cloninger: can’t. Well, you’re going to be picked on about this for months.
Chris Gazdik: Yes. Yes. Seriously though, it is what it is. So you do what you can do and you have decisions, but it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s interesting to the way that things really do affect us. Like, you know, one of the things that drives me nuts about doing what I do for a living, which is mental health and substance abuse counseling is when people have these mental things that are really.
Holding them in a stuck spot. They’re really being held down. They’re really being overwhelmed by the things that are around us. And when we don’t know it, right. That’s the key when you don’t even know. You’re in a spot, right? And like you said, you know, you know, there’s more out there now. I don’t know what taught you that obviously on the road and the music industry, but yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s, that’s a part of overcoming.
Definitely. Right. So. [00:35:00] I definitely wanted to check with you about Bob Marley. I think I, I dug into you a little bit. I was a little weird stalker on Facebook and whatever. That’s my guy. You like Bob Marley, man. Did
Zay Grastley: you see his movie, One Love? I did, I went to the theater the night it came out. That was a beast movie.
I don’t feel like it was long. Are you sure? Yes. I feel like it was too short. Very much so. I couldn’t agree more. Yeah, I feel like as soon as it got good, it was over. And I was like.
Chris Gazdik: Exactly, I couldn’t agree more. There’s so
Adam Cloninger: much to his life. Did he have any tattoos? I don’t think he did. Oh, man.
Zay Grastley: I should have said yes.
He didn’t think he did. I don’t think
Adam Cloninger: he did. I was trying to mess with Chris. What kind
Chris Gazdik: of weird people get tattooed? I mean, I can’t say that because Zay’s here. But I’m concerned about your tattoo. He’s in a runaway train now. He got one. Now he’s got four, man. What’s going on? Hey, that’s how it happens.
That’s That’s maybe one of the reasons why I’m scared to with
Adam Cloninger: one and Keep in mind, Chris, you’re in the smaller group here. Very much so. In this room. There’s four people in this room and you’re the
Chris Gazdik: only one that doesn’t have one. Everybody’s teaming up on me here, man. That’s not right. Dot, [00:36:00] dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot.
There you go. That might have to happen. Anyway, one love, Bob Marley, was beast because of the I didn’t know a lot about his story. I really didn’t. And that’s why I was interested in watching his story and his music. Oh my gosh, I love it has a whole nother meaning to me now in what he lived through The civil war that was down in jamaica He had to leave because he was shot And he went and kind of made his name and he came back and what he meant to jamaica and and what he?
Well, you know, you have to have a cause in life. You have to have a purpose that helps you to develop resiliency, because if you have a purpose, man, you are going for it. So in much of the same way, you know, I guess if you can imagine, if you can dream up, like, how would you like to make an impact, you know, or what draws you to Bob Marley in the way that you know, his story,
Zay Grastley: just the way he was spreading love and [00:37:00] positive.
And I heard him say something in like an interview years ago. And, you know, somebody asked him, what, what would he do with the money? Or what would he do with his money? Once he gets this big deal when he was coming to America or something like that. And he was like, I’m rich. He was like, I have something money can’t buy.
He was like, I got love from people. Right. And you know, you think about it and like that one statement was just like, you know what, that’s more than money. Yes. You know, if you have the respect and love from people, it’s, money can never, you know what I mean? You can do whatever.
Chris Gazdik: You know, give, give, I like, through a therapist’s eyes, I think it’s a cool name.
Mm hmm. Part of what I like to do with mental health is, is just give a little bit of vision of how we see the world, like through our eyes and whatnot. So follow me for just a second in AA. You know, there’s different kinds of meetings, people getting sober and they go to a [00:38:00] speaker meeting and that’s a speaker telling their life story and engaging, you know, the, the audience as a part of their recovery and whatnot, but the audience is listening and they’re receiving and they’re joining and like, wow, I’m not alone.
I mean, there’s a lot going on in what we call speaker meeting. So correlate that standing on stage. Here you are, literally, like, not a lot of people have had that experience, right? Comedians have, I played in a band, you know, I mean, people have done stuff, but you’re like, a, a, a artist, spotlights on you, standing on stage, you’re kind of giving a speaker meeting, almost.
Almost. Talk about you. Yeah. Whether people know it or not. Who benefits the most, receiving the audience energy, or providing an artistic display of wonder? To the world crazy question, right?
Zay Grastley: Make you think today. I think it’s receiving the crowd’s energy isn’t that crazy because [00:39:00] if the
Adam Cloninger: Good crowd bad crowd.
Zay Grastley: Well, you got a good crowd bad crowd, but if it’s a crowd that knows your music They’re already there right to support you, you know what I mean? So it’s like you don’t have to I watch some artists, you know, you see
some artists going tour They might say three words to a song the crowd Oh Puts on the show.
Have you ever noticed that
Chris Gazdik: that’s not really but I’d you mean like let the crowd sing Mm hmm. Yeah, but
Zay Grastley: even even if you look at some big artist shows, they’re singing but you literally can’t They’re
Chris Gazdik: over overrun. Yeah,
Zay Grastley: so it’s like once you get to that point where you have that much love they make it easy Cause they’re there with you, I guess.
Okay.
Chris Gazdik: I think what I’m saying is it’s, it’s, it’s a, it’s a powerful experience for a speaker who’s delivering in a speaker meeting. It’s, it’s gotta be a powerful experience when you’re essentially like leading. Yeah, go ahead. [00:40:00] I think it’s just lit up because I’ve had people
Zay Grastley: tell me like, dude, your, your music hits me so hard and I’m like, yeah,
Chris Gazdik: you
Zay Grastley: might, when I hear people say that, I’m like, Yeah, he’s been through something in his life.
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely.
Zay Grastley: You know what I mean? So like, that’s the first thing pops in my head is like, if you can relate to my music, you’ve, you understand pain.
Adam Cloninger: Well, in a way, you’re kind of giving almost a, kind of like a therapy session to a large group of people.
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely. Say more about that though. How, your songs interestingly seem uplifting in a lot of ways.
But there’s pain in that, which is kind of what made me think, like, how do we want to weave mental health into this interview, which is what I’m always angling for, because that’s my passion and whatnot, that, that sounds like resiliency. Oh yeah. Right. Well, in a big way, I mean, you know, a life of pain and the process and say more about that, if you could.
Zay Grastley: So when you say it’s like there, I would say music is my therapy, [00:41:00] right? Because I don’t, I mean, I’ve sat down with therapists when I was incarcerated and stuff like that. You got to go through evaluations and all of that. But I think for the easiest way for a person to find out about me is listening to my music.
You, you’ll learn more from me about my music than talking to me. That’s like my vulnerable
Chris Gazdik: state. That’s really cool. It’s, it’s definitely an expression. Definitely expression.
Adam Cloninger: So what drove you to turn things around?
Zay Grastley: I don’t know. It just, and back to like, well, there was an event you
Chris Gazdik: mentioned last night. I don’t know if that factors in which one you remember in California. Well, you had said that was, Oh,
Zay Grastley: turning. I thought you were thinking about music, life, turning around. Yeah. Resiliency. Hey,
Adam Cloninger: what, what, what made you drive to, to like turn things around and [00:42:00] near death,
Zay Grastley: okay.
A near death experience. No. I was in a race ride in Victorville, California and literally had nothing to do with me. I got stabbed six times in the chest. I was in a coma 18 days and when I, like, when I came to, and when
Chris Gazdik: was this
Zay Grastley: timeframe? 2010. Oh,
Chris Gazdik: wow. 10 years before 2020,
Zay Grastley: yep. 2010. Well, dang.
Chris Gazdik: Okay.
Zay Grastley: So that’s where the RAs come from.
I never had like a raspy voice before I went to prison. Oh, my
Chris Gazdik: goodness. Are you serious?
Zay Grastley: Never had a rescue was
Chris Gazdik: okay.
Zay Grastley: So it’s kind of like the calls to
Adam Cloninger: absolutely.
Zay Grastley: That’s why I look at it. I was like, prison’s like a gift and a curse.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, that’s wild. You know, that is truly crazy. You know, you’re on a mission, brother.
You are going, this is happening. That is, that’s too much coincidence, too much happening, too much to do it good. Victorville,
Zay Grastley: California is on that [00:43:00] list with West Virginia too, just to let you know, so you don’t feel alone. Okay, good. Along with Mississippi and Beaumont, Texas and all of that. Wow. It’s a
Chris Gazdik: couple places.
No show. Nevada. Where do we miss it? Yeah. Maybe we’ll have a healing visit, man. Because of honestly, it turned things around. It gave you your voice. These things are all together and and and now you’re overcoming it and using these things. Yeah. Maybe we can redefine some of those places in this conversation and head to all of them.
Zay Grastley: I always said though, I said, if I ever got big to where I could just really get a voice to do things. I would love to go back. Through the federal
prison system and just give like a speech and perform do we need to make that that’d be our look You know what? I mean? I like it. I were really loved even juvenile systems or anything like that.
I will love You
Adam Cloninger: want to
Zay Grastley: start
Adam Cloninger: in West Virginia I got hookups there I will. Let’s do this. Seriously, I mean, [00:44:00] that’s what
Chris Gazdik: I’m talking about. Like, look, look, people. I love people’s stories that like you say,
Zay Grastley: there’s going to be some dude get up. Hey, he owes me for a bag of chips. I knew you’d be back. I got
Chris Gazdik: you that and some that you keep telling me.
There’s a lot of bartering And I don’t think it’s just about chips neither, but i’m just gonna stop there Maybe other bags involved. Yeah Yes now I lost betrayed thought but i’ll move on to another one because I picked up on the idea, you know if you’re You’re listening so far. And, you know, there’s a lot of things that you listening have gone through.
And again, you know, how, how did something in life hold you down? What, what did you do daily to overcome this distress? And, you know, did you experience resiliency, helping you to overcome something? I, I think I heard you say somewhere, maybe it was an interview when I was doing my digging and whatever you don’t like the word can’t, no, [00:45:00] I hate that word too.
Zay Grastley: Why?
Cause I feel like I can do anything. Anything I, it might be things I don’t want to do, but I feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it, whether it’s something I have to do or something I want to do or don’t really want to do. Like, I don’t want to work on a car, but if I, if I had to, you know, I’m sure I can go out there and do it.
Yeah. I’m just, I don’t, I don’t believe in can’t. Cuz I don’t know I guess I’ve heard it so much. When
Chris Gazdik: did you lose if you will when did you quote unquote When’d you lose the use of the word can’t in prison in prison? Well, that was quick. It’s a turning
Adam Cloninger: point. Yeah
Chris Gazdik: Yeah,
Zay Grastley: okay, because the CEOs and guards tell you can’t do so much rape You can’t do this.
You can’t do that unless they want you to do it. So it was like, dude, [00:46:00] one day, you’re not going to be able to tell me what the hell to do. You’re not going to be able to control me. You’re not going to be able to keep me in this room. You’re not going to be able to let me go to the bathroom when you want to look like no more camps.
So it was like, when I get out, it’s what I want. That’s what I say. It’s what I do. I’m gonna do it my way.
Chris Gazdik: Man. I love this. Was there any particular
Zay Grastley: prison that was,
Adam Cloninger: More of a turning for you. McDowell. Just saying,
Zay Grastley: whew, , man, that’s my boy.
Chris Gazdik: But I’m, I’m seeing this in a different space, man. So that’s the one that you go to first?
Zay Grastley: McDowell and right. I would say McDowell and probably Beaumont, Beaumont, Texas. I started off in Beaumont. Beaumont.
Chris Gazdik: I, I guess we gotta go to the Wire or what? What, why you say that Yeah.
Zay Grastley: Was rough. I mean, you gotta think I was 19. Yeah. When I hit my first they called me high school. Oh, wow. When I first got to prison.
Yeah. And I played sports, but you know, like. Anybody that’s been ever been in the prison system knows Beaumont, Texas is not the place for a [00:47:00]
19 year old kid whatsoever. I don’t care where you’re from. Like it’s just not. It’s just not.
Chris Gazdik: It’s a scary reality. I mean, I went to Moundsville in West Virginia. It was an old state penitentiary.
You know, I mean, we were just taking tours and old rundown thing or whatever. I have a few jail stories. One of them was like, never prepared for this in school. What the hell do I do with this suicide assessment in a jail? I’m like, I’m like a 19 year old kid myself. Like what the hell I don’t know what to do in here.
But but when I was an adult and went to do the tour where they close you in the. the cell. There ain’t nothing like that sound.
Zay Grastley: That sound, but that sound is the worst thing ever.
Chris Gazdik: That’s got to be torturous.
Zay Grastley: But to hear the doors pop is a good sound. Okay. Shutting sound is bad. When they pop open is a
Chris Gazdik: good sound.
I can appreciate that because I was looking at a roach in the toilet at the time and I was like, this is kind of weird. And they popped it about two minutes later. So I was like, that’s good. You
Zay Grastley: get [00:48:00] pets. You get little pets. Oh,
Chris Gazdik: brother. Name them and everything. Well, we got, we got some stew with that too.
No, no stew. No stew. I can’t
Zay Grastley: kill your pets. You ain’t got nobody to talk to in there.
Chris Gazdik: What do you mean? Wow. How about we move on to a vision board? So really you’re listening and you’re hearing some things that Zay did in his life and I’m kind of feeling like, you know, how do you develop resiliency? How do you overcome?
I would submit to you one of the powerful things that you can do for yourself when you want to overcome something or create something is to create a vision. You ever hear of a vision board, Adam? You ever hear of a vision board? Have you done one? I had one. Alright, what is on it? Well, I don’t have it
Zay Grastley: now.
Chris Gazdik: You don’t have it on? I had,
Zay Grastley: I actually had one when I was incarcerated.
Chris Gazdik: Break us down, what is a vision board?
Zay Grastley: So, my vision board was different places. So, I would always have, like, different females I’d talk to. I’d be like, hey, Get the mailing stamps and send me different stamps from different states. And I would always try to collect [00:49:00] the different states and I’ll stick them up on the board and say, okay, I’m going to Idaho or I’m going to Wisconsin or going here or going there, or it could just be a picture out of a magazine.
You know, I used to take clothes. I will see like a lot of denim clothes and I’m like, Oh, cut them out. So he’s
Adam Cloninger: focusing on what he can’t do. And then he decided he can’t, he can’t
Chris Gazdik: turn it into the can’t or turn it into turn the can’t into the. The actual can I like that no, is it is it in a is it Your first tour was it in order?
Did you know I?
Zay Grastley: When I left gastonia, I literally didn’t know where I was going. Yeah, I left gastonia and went to massachusetts I went to massachusetts to do open mic literally just I will look up different places to do open mics and just go there
Chris Gazdik: That’s where you started building in 2010
Zay Grastley: 2020
Chris Gazdik: That was 2020?
Zay Grastley: Yeah, I was out. I couldn’t travel while I was incarcerated. They wouldn’t let me
Chris Gazdik: travel that much. That would be probably against
Zay Grastley: those rules. [00:50:00] They wouldn’t let Well, I guess I wasn’t sure when you got out of prison. Yeah, they wouldn’t let me travel and come back. Dang them.
Chris Gazdik: They were kind of against that.
Stupid people, anyway. Well, like I say, you know, when you have a purpose, when you have a vision, when you have something that really drives you, you know, mine is mental health and, and you know, it, it, it’s empowering because Mm-Hmm, , you, you, you almost feel like, like I’m on a mission, you know, what is it? The, the, the movie back the back, the, the Black glasses and Men and Blues.
Blues Brothers. Blues Brothers. Oh, I’m on a Mission from God. mm-Hmm. , right. And they’re running through the the country and doing all the things that they do But but I mean obviously I don’t know they really felt that in the movie, but you feel that yep It’s almost like you can’t not succeed right? You can’t not do What your vision wants you to do gotta do it, right?
So I wonder if we create a vision for prisons You just let that bake in your head because I want to I want to be a part of that man Influential people in [00:51:00] our life. This is another major area of resiliency or You A drain to resiliency kind of back to that culture thing. You got to look dr Phil actually did something cool years ago He had activity five most influential events in your life five moment influential people in your life And there was a third part but I forget but you look at those pieces And and it it pulls together like even just those two that I remember events and persons that That can be detrimental, but it can be also very, very helpful.
Now what am I missing?
Zay Grastley: Nothing. I’m laughing ’cause you said Dr. Phil and I’m literally looking at you like imagine you with a bald head . And I’m like, he would probably look like Dr. Phil if he had a bald head. . Oh, dear God. , is it the, the, yeah. I’m like, he would probably look like Dr. Phil. He had on my head,
Chris Gazdik: I, I need to lose some weight.
we gotta do something on the Halloween episode. We know what Chris is costing him. We gotta do something about this. You gotta do it. [00:52:00] Tell me about your grandfather. Is this, is this one of the most influential people? And mom, being a single mom, I know, I grew up a single mom too, you know, she’s my hero. I love my mother for that dearly, I could go into that for an hour.
Zay Grastley: I love my mom for making me tough. My grandpa was like, and I don’t, I didn’t really appreciate him until he passed away. Yeah. And it’s like, I appreciated all the ass whoopings, the making me. Trim the hedges with like head shears, like hand shears. It’s like, dude, you got all some automatic stuff over there.
Gas, like, why am I out here doing this with my hands? Like, but it’s like, I appreciated it once I was older and I didn’t then. I was hell. I was young, you know, but no matter what I done, I never done nothing wrong in his eyes. A man come pick me up from jail, bootcamp, juvenile. He’s always there. Didn’t [00:53:00] matter.
Chris Gazdik: Accepted.
Zay Grastley: Never heard him cuss a day in his life.
Chris Gazdik: Alright. And accepted you for where you’re at and what you are. Yep. Unconditional love, sounds like.
Zay Grastley: Definitely.
Chris Gazdik: That’s a powerful elixir for overcoming stuff. Yeah, you know, it really makes me sad. One of the things that’s tough to, to, to deal with in, in therapy, I feel like, is, is folks that, One, have, have experienced neglect, not abuse, not sexual abuse.
All this like neglect is brutal because you, it’s so powerful for a baby. That’s born into a world of neglect. They simply just die is sudden infant death syndrome and different reasons for the sudden infant death syndrome. But that’s part of the outcomes. And secondly, or. Right along with that is a critical person in your life.
I’ve come to believe that critical people in our lives [00:54:00] just destroy our soul. Mm-Hmm. , right? So when you have, you know, figures in your life that are supportive, you can really use that as a springboard. So how do you, how, how does that play in your mind now with, with, with, with these two figures, you know, with, with positive moments and.
Things that have happened and I’m sure you wish he was in Gastonia at the rooster Saturday night, August the 31st here in two days.
Zay Grastley: No, I, I feel like him and my brother both played, my brother played a big part of me getting into music. But I’m a big spiritual person and I tell people like I always see two eagles anytime.
Eagles. Anytime I drive. It’s like, I don’t know what it is. I always gonna look up and it’s two eagles always. Oh man. And I always, if you like ever look at my Instagram, I’m all you’ll see. You’re like, why is he always taking pictures? And I tell people they’re always there. I literally look, I’m taking a picture, it’d be two eagles just circling around.
Adam Cloninger: Where’s the eagle tattoo?
Zay Grastley: On my head.
Adam Cloninger: Figured he had [00:55:00] one. That’s why. You knew it was there somewhere, right? On your head? Mm
Zay Grastley: hmm. Where at? My whole head is covered in tattoos. Oh,
Chris Gazdik: dang. Okay. Yep. Right on my head. But. Starting to make me think of Assassin’s Creed, Adam. I
Zay Grastley: get that a lot. Yeah. I get that a lot. I had a kid ask me I done a show last Halloween.
Mm hmm. And dude was like eight years old, man. This little kid, red hair, like down to his shoulders. And I’m in a bar and these people call me up to the front, not to get off topic, but he just reminded me to go anywhere. So they called me up there and I was like, Hey, this guy’s wanting to get in this and that.
And I’m like, I’m not from here. I don’t know nobody, you know? So I go up to the front and this guy’s got his little kid out there and his wife. He’s like, man, look, my kid wanted to come here. You for Halloween. I was like, what? Are you saying like, he’s a kid, like, what do you mean? And he’s like, dude, he loves Southern charm.
He didn’t, he was dressed up as Spider Man and everything. [00:56:00] Oh man. I was like, dude, can he come in? Like, I was like, he’s before I took him on stage with me and performed with him and everything. It was crazy.
Chris Gazdik: That is so fun. That’s awesome.
Zay Grastley: It’s an impact. Yeah. I forgot what you asked and I got sidetracked.
Doesn’t matter. We’re going with this because this
Chris Gazdik: is another way of building resiliency, to be honest with you man. How about overcoming stuff? You know, beating the hell out of the negative things in your life and springboarding with the help and encouragement and love from others to make an impact. I mean, if you’re, if you’re realizing, it’s still a struggle.
What’s that? It’s still
Zay Grastley: a
Chris Gazdik: struggle. What do you mean?
Zay Grastley: just to be the better person every day. Yeah, it’s still a struggle.
Chris Gazdik: Oh. Well, now we got two points to go along with this. Absolutely. Like, look, you might be sitting here listening to our show talking about, okay, resiliency. Yeah. I’ve had things that hurt me.
Yeah. I’ve had things that held me down. Okay. I’ve had a little bit of moments of resiliency, whatever, but okay. I can, I can not use the word can or not use the word. Can’t I’ll use the word can, and I’ll [00:57:00] do what I could do all these different things we’re talking about, but that gun, man, I can’t feel good about this one.
I can’t make an influence like Zaycan. What can I do that a famous singer up in front of thousands of millions of people all around the world. I can’t do that. So, so that one’s not for me.
Zay Grastley: And a lot of people don’t,
Chris Gazdik: I don’t buy that obviously, but
Zay Grastley: I think as an artist, a lot of people always expect us to just to be happy and never have any dull moments or never have a moment where it’s like, dude, I just want to be by myself.
Oh yeah. You know what I mean? But. I mean, you do.
Chris Gazdik: A lot. Well, the two points here are you can absolutely, you, the listener to this show, you can absolutely make an impact on people’s lives. Like, your next door neighbor needs you. Your friends, you are a powerful person. Use that power for good. And secondly, you aren’t going to feel great all the time.
The reality of it is, it is an absolute, I couldn’t agree with you more, Zay. A daily struggle. I mean, look, I [00:58:00] deal with stuff all day long. You think therapists are straight in our head?
Do not put people you look to up on a pedestal, realize they are in the grind of life, just like you are. And we’re all in this together. One of the reasons why I love the opening line that I do with the show. It’s I, I, I want to market it and probably should patent it because you know, the human emotional experience, we figure this out together.
You ain’t figuring this stuff out alone. Very well. Is what I believe. Speak through your why and speak through your passion as a thought that comes along with, you know, overcoming resiliency. And we talked about how you speak through your songs. Can you give another example or two outside of Southern You, you sang something else besides Southern Comfort.
Yeah. What’s, what’s,
Adam Cloninger: what’s the one you sung? You said your favorite song. Yeah, yeah. What’s your song? You mentioned one of my favorite songs. You said, you said that wasn’t your favorite song, so which one is your favorite song? Or one of your favorite songs? They’re all so great, right? Just, I would say Gypsy on the Run.
[00:59:00] Gypsy on the Run. I’ll have to listen to that on the way home.
Zay Grastley: I’ve heard it. It’s just, you heard it? I have. I told you it
Chris Gazdik: was background music when I was preparing all this stuff.
Zay Grastley: Gypsy on the Run. I wrote it literally sitting at a rest stop. And it was just How long ago? How many years ago?
Adam Cloninger: Recently, a couple of years, maybe three, four years, three, four years ago,
Zay Grastley: maybe three years ago.
It wasn’t
Adam Cloninger: before 2020. I was going to say, yeah, maybe three years ago.
Zay Grastley: But I was at one of those points where I was just like, what am I doing? You know what I mean? Like, dude, you got a second chance at life and you’re out here running around, living in a van. Bouncing state to state, like you’re 16, 17 years old and this, and it was one of those things that’s like, and I heard Jelly Roll say this.
So this is my, like, one of my, my my catches. It’s like you stealing it from him or is he stealing it from you? I’m borrowing it.
Chris Gazdik: You borrowing? I’m borrowing it. All right. It’s like I know who Jelly Roll is. Are you borrowing it? Borrow proudly. Are are you proud of me, Adam? [01:00:00] Yes. I, I know who this man,
Zay Grastley: I had somebody tell me earlier they didn’t know who Jelly Row was, and I just looked at ’em like,
Chris Gazdik: I’m glad I didn’t get that look.
Zay Grastley: I was just like,
Adam Cloninger: what?
Zay Grastley: That was
Chris Gazdik: good. I did. Well, yeah,
Adam Cloninger: that might have been me yesterday. He looked at like, I don’t know. It might have been
Chris Gazdik: all right. We’re taking away from stink. So jelly roll.
Zay Grastley: Oh, it’s it’s like, am I chasing my dreams or pretty much am I running away from being an adult?
Chris Gazdik: Oh, am I chasing my dreams or am I running away from being interesting song for
Zay Grastley: that, you know?
And it’s like, and I think that every day. My engineer tells me, I actually got it on video on my phone, I watched it, he’s like, how many times have you watched Jelly Roll today? Like, because he knows, I guess by my tics, if I’m in a good mood or bad mood, and he’s like, how many times have you watched it today?
And he’s like, dude, you’re doing good. And it’s like, it’s easy for people to say when you’re not physically there. Like on the road [01:01:00] traveling and making sure the car is good making sure you got gas key here making sure you can do Yes, always something always something stress is real
Adam Cloninger: powers out.
Zay Grastley: Yeah Oh, yeah, for instance
Chris Gazdik: Adam today wondering if he’s going home to a hot house in the south with the humidity yet What is it today?
150 degrees it’s like brutal There’s always something and I tell you, you know, we, we really, this is such an important topic and I appreciate you playing along and, and, and helping us out to figure it out because resiliency is something that you will then come need every day because there’s always going to be something that wants to pound you down.
And, and, and unfortunately, you know, the regular Jane and Joe’s out there, we really struggle with that and get stuck in that and it owns us.
Zay Grastley: I get it a lot. I get it a lot. And it’s I would say another way from doing it is, is, is Weird, but you know being in the south performing at bars and stuff you get your drunk crowds Hollering stuff out and I think a [01:02:00] lot it’s like you know what I let three seconds of anger or three seconds of stupidity Send me over here for this long, and it’s like do I really want to jump off the stage and kick that dude It’s like do I really want to kick him in the stomach for what he just said it I just let it go or keep you know Yeah It’s things like, things like that that just keep me grounded.
Because it’s like, it’s really, you know, whatever.
Chris Gazdik: You do strike me as, as, as, as having a lot of humility. Do you think, do you think humility helps us to overcome things?
Zay Grastley: I think so.
Chris Gazdik: Because I do too.
Zay Grastley: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Matter of fact, some of the, one of the populations of people that I work with that I love the most is just so powerful with, with people that are in recovery.
I mean, matter of fact, there was a local radio guy around here, kind of forget his name too. You see a theme, don’t you, Adam? Anyway, he was a local radio guy years ago, and he would always say in his [01:03:00] little morning show entry, you know, proof that you can’t come home from the living dead. I’m like, okay, never really paid attention to that, but I happened to catch a show one day where every year he will, he will bring out the progress notes and the discharge summary is what we call it actually from his, from the rehab that he went to.
You see, and so he celebrates on air every year, annually, this this idea that we, you know, we can come back from the living dead because he, you know, people that are in recovery, the humility that they have, dude, powerful. Like they’ve been to hell, lived there. And come back and are sober and alive now, you will, you will, you will not meet a friendlier, more genuine, and that humility group of people that have overcome amazing things.
So they’ve been McDowell too. They may
Adam Cloninger: have been down in McDowell also. They’ve been to McDowell also. He may have a song that’s kind of along the same lines.
Chris Gazdik: Well, they say addiction ends in jails, institutions, or death. And that is [01:04:00] anecdotally what I have. They say it ends there? Absolutely. Addiction ends in jails, institutions, or death.
That’s, it progresses and gets worse until one of
Zay Grastley: those. I think it gets worse in the institutions.
Chris Gazdik: Well, for some, for some it’s death, I mean, you know, you go to the jail, it didn’t end there, you go to the institution, it didn’t end there, and I mean, people will die from addiction if it is left unfettered, that’s 100%.
But the point is like, you know, when you go through stuff like that and you have that humility, that humility changes you and makes you, this is nothing but a chicken wing, I mean, you can’t be got by the moment quite as much.
Zay Grastley: That’s how I look at things, I’m like, you know what, 14 years and 10 months, I’m like I can do that.
I’m just like, yeah, anything else is just like, I compare this, like, oh, I got this. And again, you might be
Chris Gazdik: listening saying, well, I ain’t been in prison for 14 years, I don’t know what the heck that is all about. Listen, you have been through something, you listening to the show, that [01:05:00] has absolutely stabbed you in the soul.
We’ve all have that pain point and you can allow that pain point to stay present, untouched, unmanaged, unaddressed, which a lot of people live a lifetime doing. Or you can take that pain point and turn it around into your life and make that your passion, make that your can make that your positive, make that your, your, your drive, make that your vision.
Stuff just happens to be sometimes, but seriously, like it’s powerful, absolutely powerful. All right. Another quick thing. We’re going to taxi in here a little bit. So, but. Persistence is a big piece too in resiliency. I have a belief that you’re probably pretty daggum near super persistent when you have a goal.
Is that a fair statement?
Zay Grastley: I try to be. I try to be. I have my days. Like some days I can sit there and I’m like, Alright, I’m doing this, this, this, this, and I’ll get it done. And then some days I, I get in my head and it’s like, Dude, what are you doing? And I sit there for eight hours out the day just [01:06:00] moping and it’s like, Okay, get up and do something.
But.
Chris Gazdik: Insecurities are very real. Fear is very real. Sadness is very real. Grief, loss, you can get into all of it and you can stay stuck. But again, you know, if if you want to develop persistence or develop resiliency what does that
go? I don’t know this guy, but this is a quote that drove it out. Co founder and CEO of Connect Hub.
I don’t know who that is. But he cites that research has shown that people who write down their goals are 42 percent more likely to achieve them than those that don’t. And I think that’s, I mean I’ve heard things like that before and I think it’s absolutely true. I also believe in therapy. I do a 1, year plan and do an activity with that.
So I’m curious if you wrote goals down. If you got this kind of in the vision board you have.
Zay Grastley: No, I think I just thought of them so much they’re like etched in my brain. I’m that way too. Yeah, they’re like etched in my brain. I don’t, I don’t, [01:07:00] I mean I wrote them down at some point in time. And I wrote them down over and over and over again, but I think they’re just like stuck in my brain.
Chris Gazdik: I get, I just, yeah, I’m pretty verbal that way myself too. I mean, I, I do do it right out the one five and 10 year plan, but you know, yeah, I sound
Adam Cloninger: focused, ma’am.
Zay Grastley: Good, good. Absolutely. I don’t have a plan, like, and it sounds bad not to have a plan B, but I know this is going to work, so I got to make it do what it’s going to do, then.
Chris Gazdik: You know, that’s interesting. Do you need a plan B if you’re really personal or personally driven for plan A? I mean, you can always flexibly adjust or change course or take in new information and do all that, but
Zay Grastley: The adult says, yes, you should have a plan B. The adult does say that, doesn’t he? But the gypsy in me is like, you know what, dude, you live once.
Well, you know, it’s like that Batman episode. I dig the gypsy.
Adam Cloninger: The [01:08:00] gypsy’s like, man, do it. It’s like that Batman pit episode where he kept on trying to jump across. He couldn’t until he took the rope off. No plan B. See,
Chris Gazdik: there you go. Yeah, for real. I think, you know, you, yeah, there’s, there’s something about just throwing down, throwing into what you want to make happen and make it happen.
I have a very much of an entrepreneurial mind as I’m sure you do in the music industry and, and there’s so many thoughts, so many. Businesses, so many companies, so many events, so many beautiful things that could have been in the world that never even got started because people can’t take the first step, right?
Which is another thing about creating resiliency. Take a step, do something.
Zay Grastley: Then when I left Gastonia, my family thought I was on drugs. They thought I was crazy. They’re like, this dude just got out, got a, I just got a place, you know what I mean? Got my place furnished, everything. I made my mind up, sold everything.
They were [01:09:00] like why am I seeing your bed on Facebook marketplace and your couch and this and that? And it’s like, I’m leaving.
Chris Gazdik: You know where you just took me? You took me to a therapy session about two, three days ago. You did. Cause I, the things I talk about on this show and the things that we deal with, with like, they’re real, like I deal with them all day long.
And, and they’re genuine. That’s just the, you know, that’s what a lot of our topics are about. This dude like just up and took a vacation trip, wanted to be in He come back here, he told me that he found a place he’s about ready to buy. He got a job. His start date is October 1st. He’s going to freaking Montana.
I was like, what the hell? What? Yeah, I’ll do it. He’s just rolling, man. And it’s just, it’s, it’s vibing for him. He’s feeling it. And you know what? There’s a lot of negative naysayers. He said he really appreciated my excitement for him and my pride for him. Because he’s like, you know, man, I got nothing but naysayers.
People were just telling me, you’re not going to do anything. You’re not going to do it. You’re not going to have it. It’s not going to work.
Zay Grastley: I got it so bad so bad make it happen. I was like, dude, I’m going I was like I’m gonna be a star. I’m going to do music. I’m [01:10:00] going to chase my music dream. They’re like Yeah, real lik
Right. Like, dude, you’re from Gastonia. Come, come on back and just come down to earth. Yeah, like, come on. I know you’ve been gone for a while. You want to go explore, but come on, go to go to Myrtle Beach and come back. And wow, but basically that’s like, yeah, that’s basically like what I heard. They’re like, dude, take you a vacation and come back.
And I’m like, where’d you get it? They’re not getting it when I live. Yeah. Massachusetts. Okay.
Chris Gazdik: Mm hmm. Yeah. Make it happen. I mean, take a step. It’s any step. Take a, take a do statement. There is no camp. There’s can, there’s a lot of things with this. I think, and I, I just really appreciate you hanging out with us and talking to us and, and, and catching a glimpse of behind your eyes, you know, what it is, is that you see Adam, you got.
You got thoughts or closing things?
Adam Cloninger: No, I know we got to kind of cut it a little
Chris Gazdik: short. We need to roll. Cause you got a show. We plugged the wrong show. Where, where are you going to now? Voltage and Charlotte [01:11:00] voltage in Charlotte in a half an hour, get your tail ends out of your seat, get your tail ends to your car, probably don’t cost that much daggum money, but you have an awesome show at voltage tonight in Charlotte, North Carolina, but we’re going to see you Saturday at the rooster.
So you’re saying
Zay Grastley: you’re going to be there on there, so just letting you know. Brother, I had a conversation with him
Chris Gazdik: last night. See, we had a conversation about this. My kid’s giving me grief. It’s, it’s, it’s going to be a pull, man. You’ll see me,
Adam Cloninger: man. I’ll be there.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, I got a Penn State WVU football game to go to, and I’m going to be rolling down I 85 at like 120 miles an hour to get back home.
Nah, don’t do
Zay Grastley: 120.
Chris Gazdik: I think it’ll happen. Not in West Virginia. Yeah. I’m in control, my son’s not in control. You’ll be stuck to Monday. That’s true. They are, yeah, well, there’s that. So what do you want to sum us up for? What would you like to say, or anything kind of come to your mind? I just really appreciate the conversation.
It’s a great topic, you’re a great example, and I think we can all learn from it. [01:12:00]
Adam Cloninger: Anything you want to say about yourself?
Zay Grastley: Go check my music out. Hopefully somebody will love it, somebody will like it. Somebody will share it.
Chris Gazdik: Zaygrastleymusic. com. Z A Y G R A S T L E Y music. com. Gypsy Outlaw Music.
Zay Grastley: Alright. I had somebody tell me the other day, I was like the 2024 Will Smith.
And that was like the craziest thing I, like, comparison I’ve ever heard. And they was like, cause you don’t cuss in your music. And I was like, I never thought of that.
Adam Cloninger: Not anymore. Yeah. Not anymore.
Chris Gazdik: I mean, maybe that’ll have changed.
Zay Grastley: Not anymore.
Chris Gazdik: Well, I gotta say, I don’t know. You’re, you’re, you’re certainly a big old beefed up version of of will, if that’s the case, Will Smith ain’t from the country.
He ain’t never gonna do that. I appreciate that as a hillbilly mountaineer. Good deal. Well, we get you off to your show. I appreciate you hanging out with us. Thank y’all [01:13:00] for having me. Don’t be a stranger, man. We, we really, I would love to team up with you somehow maybe and do this prison tour thing.
I think that would be absolute beast. I would love that.
Zay Grastley: We can start right here. I
Chris Gazdik: love it. I love it. All right. Go check them out at the rooster in a couple of days. Gastonia, North Carolina. Appreciate you hanging with us. Hopefully we’ve helped you give a good example. Cause you too can live this out.
This isn’t somebody else’s story. This is our story as we figure this out together. So stay well, we’ll see you next week. Take care.