In episode 293, Navigating Mental Health in Transitions, we dive into the challenges and opportunities that come with life’s biggest changes—whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a new city, becoming a parent, or navigating a loss. Transitions can be overwhelming, bringing uncertainty, emotional highs and lows, and shifts in identity. But they also hold the potential for growth and transformation. In this episode, we’ll share practical strategies to stay grounded, manage stress, and build resilience, helping you turn life’s toughest moments into opportunities for self-discovery and empowerment.
Tune in to see Navigating Mental Health in Transitions Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Think about these three questions as you listen:
- What significant transitions have I experienced, and how did they impact my mental health?
- How do I typically respond to change—do I embrace it, resist it, or feel overwhelmed?
- What coping strategies have helped me in the past, and how can I apply them to future transitions?
Links referenced during the show:
https://www.throughatherapistseyes.com/category/podcasts/relationshiptoothers
https://www.throughatherapistseyes.com/category/podcasts/mentalhealthtips
Intro Music by Reid Ferguson – https://reidtferguson.com/
@reidtferguson – https://www.instagram.com/reidtferguson/
https://www.facebook.com/reidtferguson
https://open.spotify.com/artist/3isWD3wykFcLXPUmBzpJxg
Audio Podcast Version Only
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Episode #293 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Oh, this is Through a Therapist’s Eyes on October the 24th, 2024. I cannot tell you how cool it was to write all of my progress notes with that date today, John.
John-Nelson Pope: Yes, me too.
Chris Gazdik: Right. Exactly.
Victoria Pendergrass: When I get to them next week, yes, it’ll be great.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, she’s behind on her progress notes, y’all. I did say y’all. Anyway.
John-Nelson Pope: Okay, we’re not gonna report it to the board. No, we wouldn’t do
Chris Gazdik: that. It’s okay. Gee, thanks. But you do gotta get caught up. Gotta do your progress notes. I know, I know, I know. Do a session. Do a note. John Pope hanging out with us. How are you? I’m doing fine. Thank you. And Victoria Pendergrass we already established is behind on her progress notes, but you’re good.
I’m good. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Listen, we are going to be talking about navigating mental health in transitions so that you understand some questions that we want you to think about. What significant transitions have you experienced throughout your life, really? And how did they impact your [00:01:00] mental health?
Thoughtfulness develops insight, and you can do something about it. How do I typically respond to change? John and I agreed, like, ouch, right? Yeah. I don’t like change. It sucks. It sucks? Yeah. It sucks? Yeah. How do you like change? Victoria, do you like things? Yeah, okay, we’re all We’re all negative on it.
So do you embrace it, resist it, or feel overwhelmed with it? And lastly, thirdly, what coping strategies have helped you in the past and how can you apply them into future transitions? So this is through therapist eyes where you get insights from panel therapist in your home or car, knowing it’s not delivery of therapy services in any way.
Got the marriage book. I’m very excited about. John wants me to say the whole title every time you can, you do it. No, no, re
Victoria Pendergrass: understanding your marriage and becoming your best Thank
Chris Gazdik: you, Victoria. She can see there. Because I can read. She can see it. It’s on the bookshelf. So, that’s
John-Nelson Pope: two. That’s just five more.
Chris Gazdik: That’s two, and I gotta do five more, John says. Because we’re amping up [00:02:00] interest in this project. It is a really, really cool book project that you can get on your own on December the 17th, the publication date. I have them in my office. I’d be glad to share them, sell them, you know, let you have them. John.
Victoria Pendergrass: Will they be available on Kindle? Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Should be. Although, not in audio format.
Victoria Pendergrass: That’s fine.
Chris Gazdik: This is Amazon, right? Yeah. John, how many stars are they supposed to leave us?
John-Nelson Pope: Always leave us five stars. I’ve put two hands up, so ten stars. But five stars. Two times five stars? That’s right.
Chris Gazdik: Please leave comments.
Your job is to help us be found with Spotify, Apple iTunes, Apple Pro Podcast, all that kind of stuff. Contact at ThroughATherapistEyes. com. Finally, this is the human emotional experience which we do endeavor to figure out together with our two new friends. YouTube Live members. That is your job also.
[00:03:00] Listen, we spend a lot of time, effort, and energy doing a free podcast for you and we want to keep it free so that you can help us grow. Tell people, friends, help us to grow YouTube subscriptions. We haven’t had any for a couple weeks. We got two today. We’re going to play a game though, Victoria. We’re going to play a game.
No, we’re not. Yes, we are. We got to play a game. We have to each try to honor the one of the new YouTube Live subscribe button. Members by trying to pronounce this name and not to insult. I think we should all try not to be insulting, but it’s a very challenging name. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. So I think that we should all, if you hear me first, then you go and maybe we’ll get close because the first one is in Drac, she bat right.
I like that. Idrakshi Batatar. That’s got to be pretty. Indra. Indra. Indra. Indra. So
John-Nelson Pope: I like it. So I’m wondering if that’s a female name.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. [00:04:00] Go, Victoria. Come on. Play it. You got to play the game with us.
Victoria Pendergrass: Gabriel Rhodes?
Chris Gazdik: No! That’s totally cheating! Not fair! This is the other name of her?
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Should we let her get away with it, John?
I think that fits. That works. She, she was effective.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. And, and certainly our apologies for Butchering, I’m butchering. And yeah, I appreciate that.
Victoria Pendergrass: Thanks for joining us.
Chris Gazdik: Yes. And we are very happy to have Gabriel and that
John-Nelson Pope: reflects badly on us. Not not on the other individual.
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely. Absolutely.
But we try. Okay, I want to spend a minute on this current event.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, that’s fine. I think we need to
Chris Gazdik: because I was really, really Yeah. Sort of enthralled and you know whenever I hear something called about menopause. I want to bring it up
on line Here because I think that we need a worldwide Discussion on that topic and the other big influencing topic I would like to have us really think about is instead of the sheet [00:05:00] I really feel that we need to begin dealing openly, John, with the fact that men are victims of sexual abuse, and that is something that cannot even be mentioned.
It’s, it’s, it’s such a damning thing for a guy that, that we don’t even have the words or the platform to have any kind of discussion about it.
John-Nelson Pope: You don’t drop the soap.
Chris Gazdik: It’s just not okay. Mm hmm. I was really, really happy to see Some genuine reporting on an issue now. I am going to be clear. I do not have direct line information with this I am only taking advantage to be able to talk about this because I saw it on a news program News nation chris cuomo was talking about the the p diddy case and All of the, am I saying that right?
By the way, P Diddy, I believe, right? Yeah you know, with him being incarcerated for all kinds of [00:06:00] nefarious parties and events and just tragic.
Victoria Pendergrass: Well,
Chris Gazdik: there’s more that’s coming out about this. There’s going to be a lot more that comes out about this, but Chris was talking on his program about the, People involved in these parties in these events and things and one of the groups was named Abercrombie and Finch that is a high end TV or a clothing line that men Models were told they would get a modeling gig with Abercrombie and Finch if they go and do these events With P Diddy and the parties and it had them involved in drugs being drugged sexual events Are they talking about the CEO?
Yeah, the
Victoria Pendergrass: former CEO was just
Chris Gazdik: I don’t know. Okay. Yeah, definitely. Well, yeah,
Victoria Pendergrass: he was just charged with sex trafficking and interstate interstate prostitution. That’s
Chris Gazdik: what this is related to. Yeah, it’s 100 percent the same. Yes. Would that happen today?
Victoria Pendergrass: No it was like a day or two ago, yesterday. It was, they [00:07:00] announced it, they made a press conference about it.
Right, yesterday. I think, yeah, it was, it was this week. It was earlier this week. Okay,
Chris Gazdik: because I saw that we’re on Thursday. I must have seen this Chris story on Tuesday. That happened yesterday. So that’s the follow up to the reality. So there’s definitely some teeth to this. And guys, it is absolutely terrifying.
It’s torturous. It’s horrifying. It’s tragic. Were these young men. Were cajoled and drugged allegedly into sexual acts of all sorts and With the threat of their industry and livelihood and name being completely mired By very powerful people essentially p ditty in the group, I guess I don’t know the particulars i’m not going to purport to know but yeah, this is male Sex trafficking john it is a it is something that I think We need to open up venues and avenues and outlets for Acknowledging it even exists, let alone [00:08:00] dealing with the issue like the Me Too movement.
Fair?
John-Nelson Pope: Fair.
Chris Gazdik: I would agree.
John-Nelson Pope: Tragic. It
Victoria Pendergrass: is. It is. Yeah. I really don’t have words for it. And I think
John-Nelson Pope: we’ve kind of turned a blind eye to this. There was, in fact, there was an actor that was on Law and Order. Kind of a veteran actor. He had been kidnapped and raped by John Wayne Gacy back in 1979 when he was 19 years old.
I, and I can’t recall the, the, the actor’s name, but he’s never talked about it because it caused him great shame.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. There’s again, that’s what I mean when I say there’s no avenue, there’s no venue, there’s no outlet, there’s no recourse for a man going through an abusive, tragic situation. And it’s just, I can tell you, I barely get to hear about this actually in therapy.
It’s even [00:09:00] so much so that it crosses over into therapy lines. Now I have, men will share their abuse for sure. But it is, it is, it is very difficult to get at those issues and to really work with them. We do thankfully, but that is the only space that I know of that this gets dealt with at all. Right?
Yeah, I would agree to that. Let’s, let’s open it up into public square people and understand that it exists and men need help with the issue. Just as much as women do. So, male sexual abuse. Haha, we have a YouTube listener that says, I respond to change with fear and trepidation. I am with you, Carolyn, absolutely.
It’s, and let’s just add overwhelm. So let’s get to the topic, shall we? Navigating mental health in transitions is a really cool and functional topic that Victoria you approached me about and I think it’s a cool topic because if you think [00:10:00] about just all the different Things that we experience in life.
I mean there are Transitions regularly and routinely. I think we’re probably gonna focus on some of the bigger life transitions that we go in To or through life, but I understand the mild ones the small ones kind of as well They add up like if I’m simply changing my office to this one to the one that has a window in it Which I’ve actually thought about don’t have enough room in that office, maybe but that’s a major change in my day to day.
That’s a simple change, but it still has all of these implications that we’re going to be talking about with the big ones. Yeah, because
Victoria Pendergrass: I would take over your office here.
Chris Gazdik: Would you? Yeah, we’ll just Excuse me! I’d have to fight John for it, but
Victoria Pendergrass: Oh! Yeah, and I think that, Transitions actually I was kind of surprised when I brought this topic to you that y’all hadn’t already done.
Chris Gazdik: It’s good. Good point. Absolutely [00:11:00] Absolutely, because I mean, you know, we’re talking about like when you go through separation
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: we’re talking about when like a pet dies.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, you have a baby
Chris Gazdik: you you get married
Victoria Pendergrass: new job
Chris Gazdik: you graduate College or high school. These are big transitions, right? So how do we go about this McFedoria?
What the heck do we mean by? Transitions.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay, so I did Did you read the three questions? Yes, you did. Okay. Look I’m blanking Okay, so I looked up a few different Like definitions of what actually we
Chris Gazdik: always like to know what we’re talking about, right? Yeah
Victoria Pendergrass: So, of course I use chat gpt, which I will say that was my very first time using it.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, really? Welcome to the chat gpt world
Victoria Pendergrass: quite enjoyed it. It’s okay, isn’t it? Yeah okay. So chat gpt classifies the term transition As it referring to the process of changing from one state condition or stage to another You Which is pretty spot on, I would say. [00:12:00] Oh,
Chris Gazdik: can I pop a thought?
Victoria Pendergrass: I don’t know.
Chris Gazdik: That definition, listening to you, and maybe we’ll get to this and what not. But there is a skill in transitions that I just thought might be important to mention. Later on? Huh? Or now? Huh? Now or later on?
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay.
Chris Gazdik: That has to do, because you just, because you just said, you know, the process of changing from one form or another, and it made me think like, well gosh, when we’re going through changes, it’s kind of like how water changes to a solid.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay,
Chris Gazdik: a gas
Victoria Pendergrass: or
Chris Gazdik: a liquid depending upon its environment.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: and So if it didn’t have that Malleability,
Victoria Pendergrass: right
Chris Gazdik: the malleability. Is it malleability or malleability John?
John-Nelson Pope: Malleability,
Chris Gazdik: I was malleability if you don’t have the flexibility But that’s what I said first. Yes, then I said malleability, which I said second
John-Nelson Pope: I have the ability to [00:13:00] change.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. I’m malleable. Malleability. I’m not Malibu. Malleability. Don’t you have to be flexible to be able to experience change functionally?
Victoria Pendergrass: For it to be like, yeah,
Chris Gazdik: right. Yeah, there has to be a certain amount of adjustability that you need in your life to have a skill and That changing from one form to another if you’re resisting that fighting that not accepting that and not changing with it You’re kind of screwed.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: okay, so that
Victoria Pendergrass: I also found another definition of life Specifically life transitions or periods of transformation that mark the beginning of something new, which continues on to say that it’s a distinct shift from one phase of life to another marked by identifiable beginnings, turning points and then an ending.
So coming together as having like an entry and then an entry into the transition, a resolution of the transition and then personal growth from the [00:14:00] transition.
Chris Gazdik: So you have a buildup. And entry and growth thereafter. Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: Okay, so it’s, it’s almost like thesis, antithesis and catharsis.
Chris Gazdik: You know what I was thinking?
Dating, engaging, and marrying. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yep.
Chris Gazdik: Yours sounds so much cooler though, I got to be honest,
Victoria Pendergrass: more complex words.
John-Nelson Pope: Well, and that, and that, and when you brought this up and this is the first time I’m, I’m just an observer right here. Okay. And I’m observing this. It’s like, this has been. Issues that keep coming up because 50 years ago or 40 years ago.
I think his name was Levison came up with the seasons of the, of a man’s life and talked about that material. And then Gail, Gail, she, he also, she’s, she’s passed as well, but she did passages, but all these were kind of interrelated. It was based on [00:15:00] transitions and changes. And. I think we kind of rediscovered this.
And, and I, I think you’re very, and I think the reason why we keep rediscovering it is because they’re valid.
Chris Gazdik: Right. Yeah. I, you know, honestly, when I’m working with somebody in a therapy relationship, I, I spend a lot of time really thinking about where this person is in, in, in, in a life cycle and an entire life cycle.
And because. There’s, there’s definitely those stages that we go in. John is probably age, age is old, you know, in, in philosophy and, and, and thinking and being aware of human behavior because, you know, don’t we have just constant transformation in our lives? Yes, we do. I mean, you think about becoming a teenager, you think about menopause, think about, you know, being single and before you’ve ever been married, you and you have specific things things in each one of these phases and stages that are [00:16:00] common.
Like how many people have been single and never married and never had the thought, is there any Freddie for me out there?
Victoria Pendergrass: Right.
Chris Gazdik: I would say that’s gotta be a universal thought when you’re single pre marriage. Right. I’d
Victoria Pendergrass: say for most people,
Chris Gazdik: I think so. So, so there’s a lot that kind of is going on. There’s a lot that’s happening in all of that.
And so, yeah, that’s,
Victoria Pendergrass: yeah. And then I guess that’s just another thing is. To add is that there are different types of transitions So like specifically today, I think we’re focusing on like life personal Transitions. Okay, but you also have transit which I thought this is kind of cool when I saw this mention But you also have transitions like of education technology biology and music So like, personal, okay, hold on, personal life was, is like when you’re going, you know, having a kid, getting married, graduating college, things like that.
Education would be more like graduating high school, transitioning to [00:17:00] college, transitioning to grad school, or like your doctorate. So
Chris Gazdik: we’re layering out different areas of life. But then
Victoria Pendergrass: technology, like going from like analytical to digital, and like those types of things. So, yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. Yeah. Slide rule.
Victoria Pendergrass: Biology is menopause, hormones, periods, like all those things. And then music, it was talking about like the transition between like like melodies and like, well, there’s not a lot,
John-Nelson Pope: there’s not a lot of melodies now in our music. Oh, Mr. Critical.
Victoria Pendergrass: like transition and they’re all considered transitions, but specifically for today, I think we’re focusing on probably more of the personal transitions,
Chris Gazdik: but you know, not necessarily maybe we throw in because I think there’s There’s personal transitions, which catches a lot of those, those categories, but then there’s also cultural transitions, right?
I mean, we’ve had a lot of transition around the world that’s [00:18:00] caused various points of disinformation and chaos and my gosh, where
John-Nelson Pope: are the flying cars where
Chris Gazdik: we need them?
John-Nelson Pope: But no, I mean, it’s just that we, we always think of something like that when in fact that we’ve gone through a greater. Cultural revolution as a result of our technology.
And there’s a big one coming. Yeah, definitely. A I, which she just,
Victoria Pendergrass: which I just mentioned, she
Chris Gazdik: just embraced. It’s, it’s, it’s going to be, it’s a
Victoria Pendergrass: lot and,
Chris Gazdik: and what’s interesting. Okay. So here’s an interesting thing too, as we go through this conversation, understand like how rapidly. Transitions are really occurring.
You know, if you have ever seen the timeline of just technology and think of that as part of the cultural thing, would it take us a hundred years to get from the radio to the TV? And then it took us like, you know, 50 years to get from the TV to the [00:19:00] microwave. And then it took us, you know, 10 years to get from the microwave to the first flip phones.
And then it took us, you know, one year to get to these, you know, Things called computers or whatever and then it’s like every year every six months now We have this major new thing like neuralink coming online with you know, elon musk I mean, it’s the transitions are amazing
John-Nelson Pope: Well, I would agree. And that’s the sense there’s there’s an idea that every year the amount of data that can be stored is doubling, doubling.
Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Same thing with like, it’s Moore’s
John-Nelson Pope: law. Yeah. Moore’s law.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Yeah. There’s a, yeah. I like to, this guy, I haven’t listened to our, our podcast for a little while, but they talk about things like that. What’s Moore’s law. Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: Oh, it’s just, just the idea of how much computing power is, can be put into a computer chip, and so they’ve gone now from, we still use the silicon chips, which are [00:20:00] very, very important, but now we’re going into quantum computing, and there’s that, that sense that it actually takes a lot more electricity and processing power to And data crunching to develop the algorithms.
And so it’s not just how small you can make a device, it’s how much information can, that can be stored on said device. Okay.
Chris Gazdik: Right. And these are stressful, scary, lots of these things that we’re going to talk about. that people struggle with and we’re
John-Nelson Pope: talking now about the idea that there may be Senate that, that, that AI will become sentient and
Chris Gazdik: sentience in AI or we’re so I totally, I know, John, I hear people talking about it.
I think we’re, I think,
John-Nelson Pope: I think we’re many years away from that, if it’s ever, but, It can resemble [00:21:00] because it’ll resemble sentience. Yes. Sentience, by the way,
Chris Gazdik: listening audiences if I’m correct on having awareness of yourself. So it’s self awareness, consciousness, and self awareness. So that’s saying that AI will have that
Victoria Pendergrass: awareness of itself, even though it’s a computer,
Chris Gazdik: right?
John-Nelson Pope: Well, so I don’t think it will ever go ahead. John Skynet. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that’s totally the term. Okay. Determinate. But there was now someone is sued. A child was committed suicide because the chat bot gave answers that would en enable that child to make a decision to commit suicide.
Chris Gazdik: And there was a lawsuit about that. The lawsuit about that. That sounds like that’s a current event. It’s a current event.
John-Nelson Pope: I
Chris Gazdik: mean. It’s just gosh.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Tell you what, if you get that, bring that to us next week.
John-Nelson Pope: I will.
Chris Gazdik: That would be, that would be a good one to talk about if you see that. Do you think you can find it?
Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Bring that next [00:22:00] week. That’ll be a good thing to kick around. It’s in the
John-Nelson Pope: guardian, I think.
Chris Gazdik: No, I don’t want that to just be mentioned and then we get lost with from it. So Victoria, I have a question.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Do people ever thrive? Yeah. And enjoy, or revel in, or even purposely create their own transitions and feel secure in them?
Victoria Pendergrass: I think they can.
Chris Gazdik: Huh.
Victoria Pendergrass: But I think oftentimes
Chris Gazdik: Huh.
Victoria Pendergrass: No.
Chris Gazdik: Ow. Ow. What percentage of times would you say people can? Because I don’t think it’s a single digit, honestly. I think we need to have both sides of this aware. Because, you know, sometimes I will just change my office around furniture wise just because I want a change, right?
You, right? I know, you should see her face look on YouTube live saying, what does your face say?
Victoria Pendergrass: Says, I’ve probably [00:23:00] rearranged my office in the last two years, like, 17 different times. I mean, what
Chris Gazdik: the heck? It’s almost scary, she does. Like, when
Victoria Pendergrass: Chris comes out of session, what’s all that noise? I’m sorry, why is everything in your office in the hallway?
Because I’m reorganizing my My office again, ask my parents. My poor room was above their room growing up and like, at like two o’clock in the morning, I’d be like, yeah, it’s an ADHD thing, but when I couldn’t sleep, I’d be like, huh, I wonder what this table would look like over here in this corner.
Let me move this. Chest of drawers that’s full of clothing. But yes, I mean, but those I think would be like the little ones. I would classify that as like a small. Sure,
Chris Gazdik: those are not major trends. But
Victoria Pendergrass: percentage wise, so you’re asking for the percentage of people that revel in it. Yeah. I would say 20 to 30 percent.
Chris Gazdik: What do you say, John?
Victoria Pendergrass: Are we speaking specifically on America?
Chris Gazdik: Boy, that’s a good question. [00:24:00] Cultural differences are probably very profound. Let’s just
Victoria Pendergrass: do the states, because that’s what we know.
Chris Gazdik: Better, yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, I would still stick with the states. You struggle, John. You
Chris Gazdik: don’t want to say I don’t want to say. Why? Do you think it’s
Victoria Pendergrass: higher or lower than what I said?
John-Nelson Pope: What, 20?
Victoria Pendergrass: 20 to 30 percent.
John-Nelson Pope: Of what?
Victoria Pendergrass: How many of people actually like a rebel in humans in transition? Well,
John-Nelson Pope: I think it depends on what stage the person is in. Oh, that’s a good point. So, I think one of the things that that I lived through the hippie land times and They went from being very laced down, tight buttoned up in the 60s and I swear, everybody had birth control eyeglasses and Really?
You know, slick, real cream and all of that. And then they became hippies. Okay. And that happened very quickly. So the, the age But they were usually very young people and they [00:25:00] were they became the flyer children, for example. Fair, right. Yeah. So, that was a higher level percentage, perhaps. I remember growing my hair out I was just 14.
Yeah. Something like that and I got sent to the office a couple of times. I had long hair
Victoria Pendergrass: too. Because you had long hair? Did you
John-Nelson Pope: have long hair? For me, I had, I had
Chris Gazdik: long hair down past the collar on my jean jacket. I did. As a matter of fact, I went a jean jacket so bad like nowadays. I, I don’t know.
That’s totally random. I had a jean jacket, yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: But they sent you to the office because you had long hair.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah. Yeah, I could get paddled.
Victoria Pendergrass: Goodness
John-Nelson Pope: gracious, man. By the board of education. Had holes in it. It was like a, a pike you know, fraternity.
Victoria Pendergrass: It’s less resistance. Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: it’s a, it’s a little different now.
Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: But yeah. No comment. And, I remember, and I was sweet on the don’t tell my wife this, but I was sweet on the deans of dean of boys daughter and her name was Pat and she was just gorgeous and and he’s, he called me in and he said you [00:26:00] know, Mr. Pope, you need to get your your hair’s getting a little long.
You need to get it cut. , you will get it cut. You will. When I see you tomorrow it’ll be cut. The audacity? Yeah. Power move. Geez, that was Coach Crawford
Chris Gazdik: and you were a rule follower where like I was, I think so. It terrified you didn’t Yeah. So I got it cut. I’d like not too much. Who
John-Nelson Pope: gonna get in trouble?
Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay. Chris, what about you? What about, what do you think the percentage is?
Chris Gazdik: I think it’s probably less than 30% for sure. But I agree. I mean, I, I, I don’t want to. Be scientific about it, but just in way of discussion. Yeah. I, I, I feel like there’s, there’s a significant percentage like that though. It’s not like 5%.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. I wouldn’t say single digits either.
Chris Gazdik: And I thought that it was important to mention that and, and gear into that because, you know, we don’t need to demonize this. I mean, this isn’t something that we want to build fear up about transitions are wonderful. As a matter of fact, it just popped in my head.
How [00:27:00] cool it was. That he accepted this but it’s scary at first because you just don’t know the outcome, but I’ll never forget my son He first I don’t know. He might have been 10 or something like that And we’re on the stair top stairs of the steps. We’re on a little landing on the second floor and He looked up at me, and he just in his cute, sweet eyes, soft voice tone, at the time, he’s like, Dad, dad, he’s like, you have hair on your arms.
And I looked at him, I was like, yeah, I And he said, dad, dad, I, I don’t want I really don’t want hair on my arm. AHAHAHAHAH He was really panicked about this. This was something that he concocted in his head. That he was like, oh my god this is the worst thing ever. And I just told him, look it’s okay buddy, You know when you grow up, You get bigger, And you become a man, It’s to [00:28:00] the point
Victoria Pendergrass: you don’t notice it.
It gets to the point where you don’t notice. Well, of course.
John-Nelson Pope: I mean, you know, then you may want to have hair on your chest or something like that. And then you end up gluing it on or something. People do do that. They do that. Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: they do. Don’t they?
John-Nelson Pope: Chest toupee. So it
Chris Gazdik: is to say that there’s so much fear about this.
There’s so much angst about this, but people really can be, can to grow into like, Actually being comfortable through these things but the much larger percentage struggles how Victoria and why? Do we struggle so bad? So
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m not gonna necessarily read through like all of the definitions that go or like the things that go with it But like we have things like uncertainty the whole like fear of the unknown Which I feel like a majority of the people have.
Like that’s definitely going to be able to hold, or not going to be able, but that is going to hold you back from being like fully accepting of transitions [00:29:00] because you don’t know like what’s on the other side. Now sometimes you might have some knowledge of what might be on the other side, but I feel like a lot of times we don’t necessarily know what the outcomes will be.
I think to me So that uncertainty is kind of like why I think that’s a big thing for why people struggle. To me,
Chris Gazdik: I think it’s the thing. Yeah. That, you know, I, I, I feel like when you’re facing a major change, you, you get into a comfortable space throughout your life and you know that this is going to be different.
And there’s just no way to know until it happens what it’s going to be like. And you know, my son just moved out for the second time. He floored me when he looked at me. Same kid about the hair, by the way. And he looked at me and he’s like, man, it hit him. Right. He went and got the U Haul and he drove home.
He sat home and he sat on the couch. We were getting ready to hang out, probably watch a sporting event. And he looked at me, he’s like, man, I just, [00:30:00] I just kind of want to go now. I’m like, Whoa, you want to go like move to Raleigh now? Like he’s like, yeah, it’s. Because we were going to move tomorrow. And he’s like, well it’s, Dad, it’s just the anticipation.
It’s the hardest. Yeah. Hey. Oh
Victoria Pendergrass: yeah, do you know how many times I’ve done that?
Chris Gazdik: Oh man. It, it is. John, you know, when you’ve got something major coming up and you know it’s going to hit you and you don’t know what it’s going to be like.
John-Nelson Pope: You don’t think it’s, I know he’s anxious to do it, do you think that there’s more energy to do it when you’re young?
To go out? Or not? To
Chris Gazdik: just go through a transition? Well, yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: Or live on your own specifically? Well, just to take up and go.
Victoria Pendergrass: Oh, yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Like prior to having a kid, I would just be like, Hey, let’s just get the car and go to the beach. Like,
John-Nelson Pope: but, but also make life changes. Like some, I have, like,
Victoria Pendergrass: I’m just going to go like get a tattoo and not think about it.
Yeah. Are [00:31:00] we talking bigger,
John-Nelson Pope: bigger, like moving, going to
Victoria Pendergrass: a different school? You
Chris Gazdik: know, John, I don’t know. I, it’s an interesting thought. I wonder if you’ve thought a lot about it. My initial reaction to that is no, I don’t, I don’t think because I, I think in different stages of your life, you handle things differently.
That’s all. So maybe there’s more energy when you’re younger. But hopefully when you’re older, you have more flexibility that because life forced you to move around and you’ve learned it better not fight this, better just go with it. Well, I’ve
John-Nelson Pope: always found change moving hard. I’ve always found. And you’re
Chris Gazdik: speaking specifically just about moving.
John-Nelson Pope: About moving or changing a job or, or something of this sort. Well,
Chris Gazdik: those are transitions then. Major
John-Nelson Pope: transitions, yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, I don’t, I don’t know that there’s just more, so you’re proposing that younger people just have more energy for this or more acceptance. I don’t
John-Nelson Pope: know if they have been able to [00:32:00] think it out completely and then they would talk themselves out of doing something.
I think people my age tend to, to, they’re forced to have change and become more flexible. But at the same time they. They probably have considered a lot more what, how that would disrupt or change your life. Whereas a younger person may not, may be more impulsive. I, I, I don’t know. I’m, I’m agnostic. I’m really curious.
You got my brain swirled. I’m agnostic
Chris Gazdik: about it. You got my brain moving a little bit though. It’s fun because huh. I really kind of am thinking about, no, like, you know, high school graduation and the first semester in college, man, people are struggling. I was young and full of energy, but man, my freshman year, saw a first semester was hard.
I was homesick, was horrible. That’s only one of two times I’ve ever really gotten homesick. And it was. It was rough. So I don’t know. It’s curious. I think there’s [00:33:00] Also, there’s just many different personalities involved and and and and traits that we have and and that probably influences it But it’s fascinating.
It’s fun to think about for sure, you know some other things though. I think you know, we were talking about loss of stability. I mean it’s That comfort zone that we get into even in a Toxic or bad marriage, relationship, you get comfortable.
Victoria Pendergrass: Do you know how many times when my husband and I moved, I started driving to our old place, like after work.
And I would basically get to like our town home that we lived in before. And I’d be like, oh my god, I don’t live here anymore. Like, whip it around. And like, just cause I was such in that habit of like driving the same way. Home every day like I didn’t even think about it until I got home and I was or got looked It’s how I got to the townhome and I was like wait, we don’t live here anymore
Chris Gazdik: That must have been a shocker But [00:34:00]
Victoria Pendergrass: yeah I mean, I think you do get like, you know There’s stability in that and the things that you do every day or you do repetitively and then all of a sudden now You know, having a kid, you know, you’re used to being abl
Like, you can just go to the bar after work and meet up with your coworkers or your friends. But now I have a child. I have to like, I can’t do that. Right. I have to pick up my kid from daycare, and then, like, if I want to go out, I have to find a babysitter, or I have to go somewhere that’s kid friendly that I can bring my kid, or like Biggest life
Chris Gazdik: change you can go through, I feel like.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, like, so I think, yeah, and then that kind of throws you off, because then I think that leads into, like, one, the identity shifts.
Chris Gazdik: Okay.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay. Of, like, again, becoming a parent. Now, how do I identify? Do I identify still as Victoria? Or am I a mom? Or am I Victoria the therapist and a mom and a wife and a da Existential
Chris Gazdik: crisis.
Victoria Pendergrass: [00:35:00] Yeah. But then also like the emotional rollercoaster. Like when we’re going through all these transitions and you’re feeling all these feelings whether it be fear, anxiety, whether it be excitement.
Chris Gazdik: I don’t want to jump off the identity that quick, because that’s, that’s really a huge piece that I feel like
Victoria Pendergrass: contributes to
Chris Gazdik: the instability and the fear that we have because we really value our identity.
I mean, I like me some me, you might say, right? And when you’re telling me I’m going to go through a transition, and I’m not going to be the same me, I’m not so sure I want to do that. It’s really intimidating. Postpartum depression, postpartum
Victoria Pendergrass: anxiety, like, I think that’s why people go through those things is, one, you’re, Drastic change in hormones, like the chemicals in your body, but also like, yeah, like I don’t think she would mind me telling this.
I have a friend [00:36:00] who dealt with postpartum depression and it was because she like, didn’t know who she was anymore. She had been this one
person all her life and now she’s a parent and like, she struggled with like, Who, like, other than being a mom, now who am I? Some women
Chris Gazdik: struggle to even accept the child’s presence.
Yeah,
Victoria Pendergrass: and like, I mean, and she went to therapy and did all the things, but like, yeah, I mean, it’s definitely a, that is a huge transition. And then if you don’t have, like, the support people around you to help with that, then like,
John-Nelson Pope: I was, I was thinking also people that are in I, I’d say failing marriages with the, sometimes the spouse is perhaps bipolar or borderline, has a borderline diagnosis.
Oh, yeah. And. It’s always walking on eggshells or walking on glass, right? [00:37:00] And there there’s a walking on glass. Well, that’s the way it was described to me. But that person hasn’t left. That’s a powerful description. Yeah. And so. It’s hard. I think sometimes to make that transition. So I, I never did come down with a percentage on how I think it depends on the individual.
And I think it possibly and I mentioned that it possibly has to do with the age. But I think the more settled you are, you could be settled in your misery. In let’s say a very difficult situation in a relationship. Yeah. And not know where you stand and yet at the same time, that’s the only thing, you know, I
Chris Gazdik: mean, when you get
John-Nelson Pope: unseated, man, you’re
Chris Gazdik: not in your seat anymore.
And, you know, thought leaders, content creators, successful people will talk about break it all down and build it back up. That takes a special ability, which is good [00:38:00] feedback. I mean, you really do need to break what you’re doing and you create a new. And just like muscles, when you break your muscles down and then you add protein, you get stronger muscles.
So, life is like that. We really exercise our emotion. You mentioned the emotional rollercoaster. Losing the identity that you had previously. I mean, these are big deals. Yeah. What else do we struggle?
Victoria Pendergrass: What else comes to mind? Social dynamics. So, like, these changes in these, like, relationships, or can affect relationships.
Absolutely. Sometimes can lead to those like isolations or the need to like rebuild a social network say I do You know next week find out that I have to like My husband got a job in seattle and I have to pick up and leave north carolina Which i’ve never lived outside outside of and now I have to go live in seattle, washington That’s where the
John-Nelson Pope: bluest skies you’ve ever seen.
I mean in seattle [00:39:00] But
Victoria Pendergrass: Like, I would have to start over. Like, I don’t know anybody that lives in Seattle. I don’t have a job in Seattle. Like, I would literally have to, like, rebuild my entire social I lived that actually. Huh?
Chris Gazdik: I lived that. Yeah. When I graduated grad school and I was engaged and got married and then got my first full time gig in the field and moved from West Virginia to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, that brought me to my knees, John.
I mean it brought me down to the ground, man. Yeah. Hit hard. It was like, wow, what is my life? I’m no longer a WVU student. I’m no longer single. I am now married. I have to be a professional. So you had to give up. And I’m not a West
John-Nelson Pope: Virginian. Your corncob pipe and your moonshine jar. Stop that.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, I did, but I still have [00:40:00] them.
So I didn’t have to give them up. Totally. It’s a lot of change.
Victoria Pendergrass: But yeah,
John-Nelson Pope: it’s a big change that’s and I think that’s where people that I think that sometimes you have to encourage people to travel to get outside of their, their comfort zone to get out of the state of North Carolina,
Victoria Pendergrass: to live outside the state. And it’s a big difference
John-Nelson Pope: living.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, not just visiting and
John-Nelson Pope: I think that’s because you, you find yourself on the outside of a culture and you get, let’s say if you live overseas or if you live in Europe or. When I was in Italy for two weeks
Victoria Pendergrass: at one point and that was like a culture shock.
I think
John-Nelson Pope: I learned very quickly how to order off the menu. In Italy, in Italy. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, cause I had to eat. Yeah, absolutely. So, but you just use Google
Chris Gazdik: translate, didn’t you?
John-Nelson Pope: No, no, no. AI
Chris Gazdik: is
John-Nelson Pope: making
Chris Gazdik: this. I [00:41:00] was, I was,
John-Nelson Pope: yeah. No, it was before that. It was, it was when I was, I studied in Rome for six weeks.
Oh, you was a youngster.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah,
John-Nelson Pope: yeah.
Chris Gazdik: A young pope.
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah, I was a young pope.
Chris Gazdik: So Victoria, it’s interesting, this, this next one that you have listed. Expectations versus reality. I’m really curious what you mean by that or what you’re thinking there because you know, I think a lot about expectations
Victoria Pendergrass: Don’t mind my hand gesture But I think it’s more of like we have an expectation that an Outcome of a transition is going to look a certain way.
And so when it doesn’t actually Happen that way, then we end up with like disappointment. We end up feeling let down We end up feeling like it’s
Chris Gazdik: Betrayed.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah, like
Chris Gazdik: wronged.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay. Well, yeah, okay if I’m sticking on this moving to Seattle thing Like if I go to Seattle and I expect okay, [00:42:00] like we’re gonna find this guy Place to live.
I have, you know, and I like a job lined up, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then I like, don’t get the job. Or we like, you know, our like, loan for the house doesn’t get approved or like, whatever. Then like, okay, well what the heck am I gonna do? Like, we don’t have the place to, are you going to Seattle Victoria? No, I’m gonna Seattle Victoria.
But. I’d like to visit seattle though. Just not live there.
Chris Gazdik: So, okay, you guys there’s a good Pull us back in and focus on sometimes
Victoria Pendergrass: it’s saying that there’s just a gap between How how we want transitions to go how we expect them to go versus how they can actually happen
Chris Gazdik: expectations versus reality But here’s interesting.
I I think a lot about expectations and and i’ve said many times many times before You The best way to have an expectation is to only do that when you have an agreement between you and the other person. There has to be an agreement. Both people need to agree. That is, in [00:43:00] my mind, the, by far, the best way to come at an expectation.
Or long term norms, and I always use the example, you know, Sunday meals. It’s seven. We’ve done it 72 times in a row. I can expect the 73rd time to be that
way. But can I make a bold statement and say that it is, may I, if I’m told no, I wouldn’t do it, John, it’s your show.
John-Nelson Pope: Chris,
Chris Gazdik: is it fair to make the bold statement and say.
It’s dangerous for you to have expectations
Victoria Pendergrass: when
Chris Gazdik: you’re in transitions internally in your own
Victoria Pendergrass: thinking, even if you’re not vocalizing them to like other people, would
John-Nelson Pope: you restate that again? Be so bold as to describe that again. Sure.
Chris Gazdik: It occurs to me is really curious that if you need [00:44:00] agreements with others to have safe, healthy, fully cool.
Expectations then when you’re thinking about them internally and you’re and you’re going through a life transition, I’m thinking that it’s probably not advisable to have expectations.
Victoria Pendergrass: Like going with clean slate.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. You really can’t control what’s going to happen when you move to Chapel Hill. You can, you know, that
John-Nelson Pope: is one of the most difficult things to do though.
Moving.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah.
John-Nelson Pope: No, well, no, to, to, to not have to
Victoria Pendergrass: not have expectations because it’s almost the same as like When people say, oh, don’t get your hopes up. Well, sometimes it’s hard not
to like, have hope for specific things. And that’s what you’re saying. Right. I can’t, I can’t, like, I don’t know how to stop it.
Like, I don’t know how to stop having expectations when I know that realistically, like, those might not be able to, [00:45:00] Become the outcome. Be reality, be reality. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: I felt like you had more thoughts there. No,
Victoria Pendergrass: no, look, I can read John. I know when he’s when he’s done talking. Are you sure? Okay. So can we move on?
Well, I guess so. Yeah. Maybe I was going to make a quip. I don’t really resource management. Like, I just kind of threw that in there is like, I mean, Okay. Adjusting to new circumstances often requires new skills or resources, which can be a source of stress if not adequately prepared for.
Chris Gazdik: Fear of failure, definitely not to miss.
Look, you know, I love that you highlighted Victoria, you know, really requiring the support and the encouragement from others. And well, you put time, support, and self compassion. I think grace is an important part of that. And, and, and, and just listen, [00:46:00] Pat McAfee on the McAfee show. I said like say something nice to a friend.
You might change their life, you know It’s it’s absolutely true. Like you you’ve got to have other people in your life that tell you you’re not losing your crap You’re still you John you went through this change, but you know, it’s we’re gonna get through it because otherwise, I mean you’re you’re it’s scary So
John-Nelson Pope: Having friends.
Chris Gazdik: Having companions, friends. Nothing alone. I
John-Nelson Pope: think one of the concerns of our age that we live in I’m looking at this sociologically
Victoria Pendergrass: diverse group right here
John-Nelson Pope: well is we we We used to be able to talk to the village elder for advice now We have to go yeah, and we used to talk to the to the priest or to the to the minister, right?
We don’t have that anymore. We Go to who’s the go to therapist Joe Biden Joe Biden.
Chris Gazdik: Okay famous actors P Diddy
John-Nelson Pope: Yeah
Chris Gazdik: idols [00:47:00] Taylor Swift. Taylor Swifties. Swifties. And I, I agree. I, I think your spirit of your statement is really interesting. That’s really transitioned. I’m going to say transition though, because unfortunately we do go to probably not the best sources.
Facebook, Twitter. Yeah,
John-Nelson Pope: that’s right. You get your, you get your self image, right? Having the duck lips. Yeah. You know, or to yourself or how you could Photoshop shock yourself.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s, that’s probably something that we need to step back. Society’s gone too far and we miss, you know, we need to listen
John-Nelson Pope: to wise people
Chris Gazdik: have good counsel
John-Nelson Pope: and be able to have the discernment to do that, which would help us with change.
A hundred percent
Chris Gazdik: agree.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. How do we
Chris Gazdik: do this? Let’s a good train. Okay.
Victoria Pendergrass: Do the read my little spiel thing. I found, I just think it’s like, I didn’t really know where to plug it in. So I kind of just threw it in there. But I found [00:48:00] on psychology today talked about how life transitions, I’m just going to read it verbatim, life transitions can induce stress affecting
mental health and leading to symptoms of anxiety, fear, loneliness, physical issues, such as it.
Trouble sleeping, panic attacks, and digestive, digestive issues. Oh, that’s my issue. So it’s crucial to just keep in mind a good, I guess this is a good segue, but it’s crucial to Can I not read today? Apparently, good Lord. It’s crucial to manage stress effectively to prevent its negative effect on your wellbeing.
So I think like when, like we’re about to go through ways to manage life transitions, but I think like if we’re not doing that, like it can have not only like an impact on your mental health, but it can also have an impact on your physical health. Like Getting stomach aches or digestive problems or like having headaches or things like that
Chris Gazdik: it’s Mind body tied.
I [00:49:00] mean your emotions and your body are absolutely intertwined. And yeah you’re You’re it’s interesting I’ve been talking about this a lot in the podcast That I listened to my buddy adrian sent me a podcast on left brain right brain stuff And it really is fascinating If you really layer into what happens, I’ve been using it in therapy with people lately, and you just made me think of that with these sensations, you know, your left brain is really the linguistic center.
It actually processes language. Like you are listening to us in this podcast and your left brain is receiving our dialogue. And all four of us, you, the listener, John Victoria, and I are all connecting on our left brain, but our right brain is into imagery. symbolism Observations it in it’s considered possibly to be the older part of the [00:50:00] two hemispheres because they split apart very easily if you know the anatomy and and so They both want to tell you something and it’s it’s an older part of the brain where we see the bear and we know what the symbol means and it’s highly linked in there are a lot of neurotic connections to our hypothalamus also our memory banks like it’s highly wired the left side of the brain isn’t as much I think that’s a fact and so when you’re experiencing those things Victoria that you just put out It’s basically your right brain saying, Holy crap, we have a transition.
We’re losing our identity. We don’t know what this is. Outcome is going to be. This is scary. This is bad. This is dangerous. And then you get the digestion. Then you get the heart rate. So you’re not as
John-Nelson Pope: articulate. In other words, you don’t have very articulate,
Chris Gazdik: very articulate, however, not with words, with meaning.
Tension. Tension. Stress. Right. [00:51:00] Queasiness.
John-Nelson Pope: So in other words, you may not have the, the, the composition structure in your brain. Right. Right. But you are connected with your digestive, my, my little sojourn into the hospital for over eight days. I had somebody come in to me, by the way, you were talking about health and and I want to give a a shout out to Our nutritionist.
Gorilla. Absolutely. Yeah. And because she’s been talking about this, one of the things was that they said, did you know how much, how many nerves and neurons are in your digestive system? Oh yeah. Yeah. And she said, yeah, it was phenomenal. Absolutely. Phenomenal. So it’s a second brain.
Chris Gazdik: They call it the second brain.
Your stomach. Yeah. Yeah. Produces hormones too. Yeah. And neurotransmitters. It’s kind of
Victoria Pendergrass: the reason why the term trust your gut.
Chris Gazdik: Your gut. Yeah.
Victoria Pendergrass: Like.
Chris Gazdik: True that. True that.
Victoria Pendergrass: Okay, so let’s get to some. Yep, we need to get to it. Ways to manage. So [00:52:00] quickly, the first three before, because those don’t have things to go with them.
Doing things like exploring a new hobby. That’s more of a distraction tool.
Chris Gazdik: Self care. Yeah. Cornerstone of mental health.
Victoria Pendergrass: Improving your sleep hygiene. What that means is having like a routine, doing your skincare, brushing your teeth, getting, developing routines within the chaos. It’s kind of okay.
Practice healthy eating habits.
Chris Gaz
Victoria Pendergrass: Why do you do mid sentence
Chris Gazdik: stops, Victoria?
Victoria Pendergrass: It’s my brain computing. I’m not as fast as AI. So then we have more things like setting clear intentions, defining like what it is that you want to achieve during this transition and be have clarity about the goals in which you can provide direction with the understanding that’s We don’t want to get our expectations too high for that.
Chris Gazdik: I love that. [00:53:00] And I tell you why I love that Having clear intentions
Victoria Pendergrass: is different than expectation is
Chris Gazdik: different. And I think that we talk about, I expect North Carolina to be wonderful. And that’s why I’m moving there. Well, you’re, you’re really in a powerless zone. You can’t make North Carolina anything.
But I intend, I intend to put myself in a good situation, and they have four seasons. They have lakes, rivers, and trees in between the beach and the mountains, and I love it. Which is why I decided to come. But, so I had clear intentions.
Victoria Pendergrass: Right.
Chris Gazdik: I think when you have expectations about your intentions, that’s dangerous.
So that’s, that’s, that’s fascinating. Intentions versus expectations. I, that might not be a bad idea.
Victoria Pendergrass: I’ll write the content for you. All right, let’s rock and roll. Okay, so then we move on to things like, and we’ve kind of mentioned it this before, John did, like creating a social network support system, [00:54:00] reaching out to those friends, family, mentor, These people that can offer you advice, encouragement, even if it’s just a listening ear.
Like, having the support system. I don’t think, I don’t know how often y’all deal with this, but I don’t think people realize like how crucial to well being Having support.
Chris Gazdik: Can’t do it alone, Victoria. Yeah. It’s just stupid. Like. I’ll say that. It’s just stupid.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. To
Chris Gazdik: try to go through a major transition. I mean, if you’re changing your office around, fine.
You know, whatever. Yeah, nobody
Victoria Pendergrass: has to. When you’re, when you’re
Chris Gazdik: talking about a major life transition, John, I don’t know why people feel like that’d be a loan. I’m tough. I got it. I made my own decision. I made my bed not to sleep in it. Listen I just have a client that moved to montana up and just moved and we talked about it.
He was excited it was it was but it was apprehensive and hey buddy i’m thinking of you really rooting for you and He he’s he’s [00:55:00] happy and well, I understand in montana Boom just went and did that you you You can’t do that alone. Yeah. You know, he’s got his partner, and he’s got his job, and some people up there, it’s dangerous to do stuff so alone.
I
Victoria Pendergrass: mean, yeah, you’re basically, like, self isolating yourself.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah,
Victoria Pendergrass: in one form or another
Chris Gazdik: and then when you do it, I think I see you brainstormed out, you know doing this gracefully and Gradually
Victoria Pendergrass: embrace. Oh, yeah
Chris Gazdik: slowly Like we don’t need to just jump in and you use the word impulsive with young people John They probably are a little more impulsive Thoughtful about this that we’re doing it when we can
John-Nelson Pope: What do you think?
Oh, I agree. I agree. I think you have to be methodical about it.
Chris Gazdik: There’s a word. Yeah
John-Nelson Pope: methodical
Victoria Pendergrass: also Journaling things like that. Yeah,
John-Nelson Pope: I do you find that there’s a resistance to people doing? journaling [00:56:00] or writing And because it takes a commitment, a will to just sit down, put pen to paper or typing. Yes,
Victoria Pendergrass: which is why I have recently started informing my clients of an app that I have found.
It’s called how we feel. It’s got a little like colorful heart, black background, colorful heart. It’s a free app because they thrive on donations to be able to provide the app for free. But it is a, an app where you can check in with your feeling. Like it tracks the time of day you’re checking in the date.
It also, you can track you can journal with it. Like you can. Attach a photo. You can write like a short blurb of what is like kind of going on. You can also track where you are, who you’re with, what you’re doing, and then it like combines all this information and over time the goal would be to like see if there’s any patterns that develop [00:57:00] like in feeling.
It also has resources for psychoeducation and feelings and it, Emotions and all the things as well as like coping skills and other resources. I really like it. And it’s a free app So it’s called how we feel but I think Encouraging things like that, where your phone, most people nowadays, we always, I mean, literally my phone is sitting right here and John’s is right there and yours is right there.
Like, we don’t really go anywhere without our phones nowadays. But so then that makes it easier journaling type thing where it’s an app. It can be discreet. No, like you can just be typing away on your phone. Nobody has to know that you’re journaling. And I think you maybe not. You might not be as consistent as we would like, but I think it is a helpful thing.
In going forward. Very cool. Yeah. Thank you for that.
Chris Gazdik: Thank you for turning us on to that. We just run, run through
Victoria Pendergrass: kind of like, Sounds very
Chris Gazdik: helpful. Well, we’re, yeah, we’re, we’re, we’re, we’re, we’re aware of time a little bit. I, I think obviously [00:58:00] mindfulness is something that’s always on your agenda and staying open to
Victoria Pendergrass: learning.
Chris Gazdik: I, I thought it was cool that you, you thought through new routines.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yes,
Chris Gazdik: that is an important specific skill when you’ve when we moved to Chapel Hill again We it was it was really stressful because I needed to learn like Where this crazy thing is if we had time I’d tell you about finding this place called Bojangles, which we don’t have time I can’t go to it because it’s a horrible hot day greasiest chicken i’ve ever had in my life It was terrible for me that day.
I know people love Bojangles. I am committing mortal sin I am committing mortal sin throughout the world Y’all need to understand these these north carolinian people just love their freaking Bojangles, but I didn’t But I needed to flexibly change with that. And we had to find these new places and develop new routines.
And that helps to stabilize what it is like. That’s a direct skill to help. So you
John-Nelson Pope: take an internalized map and, or you take [00:59:00] an external map and then you internalize it and you do vice versa. In other words, you get milestones and places that are comforting. Yes. Yes. Like mine’s Duncan.
Chris Gazdik: Love that. Miles Duncan.
What’s that? No, my mine
Victoria Pendergrass: is Duncan. Mine is all Duncan
Chris Gazdik: Donuts. Yes. You have the comfort and yeah, so
Victoria Pendergrass: I would like to also quickly mention celebrating the small wins.
Chris Gazdik: Definitely
Victoria Pendergrass: adds up.
Chris Gazdik: That is a huge
Victoria Pendergrass: and also like seeking professional guidance, whether that be through therapy. Or if you choose to go, I know we talked about coaching a couple episodes ago, but whether or whatever route that it’s okay, and it’s okay, it’s okay if you feel like you’re can’t handle it and you need some additional help other than talking to your best friend.
John-Nelson Pope: Okay, now you, you also. What would you have on that list? Avoiding comparisons. I love that. Yes. That’s very good. You were brilliant. Limit
Victoria Pendergrass: comparisons and I don’t like it. I don’t want to compare my move to Seattle versus your [01:00:00] move to Seattle. I would go to Vancouver.
Chris Gazdik: Okay, but but I like that you said limiting comparisons because they can be helpful.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Also, you’re going to do it. I I understand West Virginia so much better by living in North Carolina. I’m willing to bet my son. Hey, Dad. Hey, Adam. I love you, man. He’s over there in Japan. Yeah. I’m pretty sure he’s going to understand the United States of America so much better by being able to have the experience of living in Japan.
Yeah. You know, so, so you do incorporate Higher level understandings of life situations, like you understand being a teenager better when you’re in your 20s in some ways, right? So, so we do compare, but limiting that. Why? What says y’all? Why do we want to limit it?
Victoria Pendergrass: Well, because then I think that we can come become, we can drown ourselves in [01:01:00] it, and then it kind of goes back to the expectations.
When our experience that doesn’t equal or live up to the experience that somebody else had, then we feel a certain type of way about that.
John-Nelson Pope: You tie your happiness to what another person has gone through their experience. And so you can learn from others experiences, but you
don’t have to covet it. You can, you can actually say, well, I want to make my own experience, but it’s kind of difficult for some people to do that.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. So it’s, it’s, it’s safe, healthy, and can we say this I’m learning right now. Can we say it is safe and healthy? Healthy and good to compare your transition from what was and what is, but it’s really damning and dangerous to compare your transition to others. Right. Exactly. That’s a big difference. Yes.
So we’re talking about other people. Avoid that. But compare and understand the before and after in your own life. [01:02:00] Okay, cool. I’m good with that. That makes, that makes sense to me. And I think,
John-Nelson Pope: I think that’s one way that you could Levison’s book, which was a season The Seasons in a Man’s Life Gotcha.
Would, the, where people were derailed or went off the curb, is that they, if they would Overly compare themselves to others and say, if I could be this successful or something like that. But if you were able to, to step outside of yourself a little bit and see that person’s example, then maybe you don’t have to, to covet it.
Yeah. It’s fine. Ooh,
Chris Gazdik: covet. That’s a, that’s a word. Yeah. Pine after it or long for pineapple. Yeah. So listen you know, we need to wrap up today and I’m, I’m, I’m glad and thank you, Victoria. This has been awesome because it is a conversation about something that we all experienced that we all engage and I think we all struggle with.
So that’s awesome. I
Victoria Pendergrass: mean, I think my closing thoughts are That, you know, [01:03:00] transitions are inevitable, but based on the things that we’ve talked about today, they could be manageable and sometimes even transformative in somebody’s life. And so, like, implementing these skills and doing the things to make it a little bit more manageable can make it so that we have.
We can navigate them more and more effectively and have some resilience.
Chris Gazdik: Perfect. That is a mic drop. Listen guys Do your transitions and we hopefully have given you some ideas and thoughts of some things to avoid
some things that are pitfalls But this is manageable and wonderful because transitions Result in and they’re not all bad.
They result in new.
Victoria Pendergrass: Yeah. All
Chris Gazdik: right Take care. Be well, and we will see you
next week