In Episode 294, we dive into the highlights from the past few months with a thoughtful review of Episodes 281, 283, and 285. First, we explore the vital distinction between needs and wants, offering practical strategies like mindfulness, gratitude, and assertiveness to help you prioritize essentials while staying in control of impulses. Then, we tackle ambition—how to cultivate it through vision boards, goal-setting, and resolving personal roadblocks like family issues or trauma. Finally, we examine the challenge of willpower, unpacking techniques to strengthen it, such as building habits, practicing self-awareness, and prioritizing self-care. Join us as we connect these themes to empower your personal growth journey!
Tune in to see our Months in Review Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Links referenced during the show:
https://www.throughatherapistseyes.com/category/podcasts/monthinreview
Intro Music by Reid Ferguson – https://reidtferguson.com/
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https://open.spotify.com/artist/3isWD3wykFcLXPUmBzpJxg
Audio Podcast Version Only
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Episode #294 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello, this is Through a Therapist’s Eyes with your month end review show, though. This is like the fourth month in review show All in once because we’ve had weird scheduling things man storms have hit us illnesses have hit us What else neil it’s been crazy, right
Neil Robinson: that guest host because guest host which was one month And then yeah, it’s been been a little crazy.
Chris Gazdik: It’s been it’s been really out of sorts lately So on the month in review, we have Mr. Adam Cloninger who comes and hangs out with us. Hello, sir. Hello. And Neil comes out from behind the curtains and I am Chris Gazdik, your host on hallowed ween it is today. So here in a little bit, the kiddos will be doing Halloween through the United States.
I don’t know if that’s a thing around the world. They do do Halloween in Japan. I know because my son’s in Japan and he had little kids dressing up. So it was Halloween, a worldwide kind of. [00:01:00]
Neil Robinson: I’ll have to ask a couple I work with because I got one lady in France and a guy and he’s in Turkey right now, but he’s one in Spain and I have to see if they actually did anything today with that one.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, I think it’s a Halloween is I don’t think that’s uniquely American. I mean, it makes me curious of. Where and what this comes from and you know that sort of thing. So I think it’s a is it maybe one of the very few shared world holidays, Halloween. So anyway, Happy Halloween on October the 31st. This is where you get usually a panel of therapists delivering information about mental health and substance abuse, but not therapy itself.
Got the book that’s out. You asked me if it’s out. Still pub date. Second book. Second book out, volume two, is not until December 17th, but I’m getting really excited about it. It’s on marriage. Through a therapist’s eyes, re understanding your marriage and becoming your best as a spouse. John’s on me about saying it seven times when we try to record.
I feel like that’s a bit overkill. [00:02:00] But, do you remember the name? Seven times? Yep. It’s supposed to repeat stuff for marketing purposes. What does he want you to say? Through a therapist’s eyes, re understanding your marriage and becoming your best as a spouse. Oh. That’s the name of the book. Okay. And you have to say that seven times.
So, do y’all have a remember of the subtitle? Don’t
Adam Cloninger: read. But what I want to know is, why does he want you to say, Through a therapist’s eyes, re understanding your marriage and becoming The best as a spouse
Chris Gazdik: you didn’t get it. Right. You read read the subtitle wrong, man
Adam Cloninger: Your best as a spouse is not what I said.
Chris Gazdik: That’s not what you said.
Adam Cloninger: You said
Neil Robinson: the best not your
Adam Cloninger: best spouse Oh, that’s not the goal. So maybe I should have said through a therapist eyes Volume two re understanding your marriage becoming your best as a spouse.
Chris Gazdik: There you go.
Adam Cloninger: How many times is that? I think we’re up to three
Chris Gazdik: I really am excited about this project though.
I really feel like this is going to be an excellent excellent book to help out A lot of people so please check out the The sound bites and everything kind of going on. You [00:03:00] can’t buy it yet, but you can buy it in the office
Neil Robinson: That’s right before my my anniversary I’m pretty sure if I bought that book for my wife, she would be very mad at me.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. That’d be a little weird. Maybe not the best anniversary present, but it’s going to be a great Christmas present.
Neil Robinson: Exactly.
Adam Cloninger: So get it, get it. And then say, I bought you a self help book.
Chris Gazdik: For you to get your crap together. Still would not be a good idea. Man yeah us married men understand that right adam Five stars is what we ask on apple itunes contact it through therapist eyes.
com Is a good way to interact with us and this is the human emotional experience which we do endeavor To figure out together what we’re going to do is so we do do a down the bunny hole rabbit hole with with adam the bunny hole the rabbit hole and then we’re going to cover just a few of the shows that I kind of prepared later I don’t know how many of all the episodes we’re going to be able to get to.
We’ll definitely list them because we’ve had a good Q. What are we on? It’s mixed Q3 and 4, isn’t it? Q3 and 4.
Neil Robinson: It’s the [00:04:00] entire Q3. Is it the entire Q3? Basically, we’re reviewing the entire Q3
Chris Gazdik: of 24. What did we do? That’s amazing. So we have a lot to get to, but we have new YouTube members that we want to highlight.
We love that Wes Peacock and Hope Cortez. How about that? A little round of applause, yay, for the new YouTube members. If you have your profile listed as public, we see it. If we do not have your profile listed as public, we do not see it. So we don’t want to miss anybody. But you have to pop it as And the goal is
Neil Robinson: we don’t want to see them.
Chris Gazdik: And the reason
Neil Robinson: why is once we get to a thousand subscribers, we won’t see them anymore.
Chris Gazdik: Oh really? We won’t even see? We won’t see them.
Neil Robinson: So we
Chris Gazdik: want to get to the
Neil Robinson: point where we don’t see you.
Chris Gazdik: Well that’s a bummer. I
Neil Robinson: know, but it’s the idea. That’s a
Chris Gazdik: bittersweet reality. It
Neil Robinson: is. So Subscribe as you can make it public.
You’ll get announced. You’ll be one of the first thousand people that do it. So yeah.
Chris Gazdik: And then keep it coming. And then, and then, and then after that, you’re just a nobody. We’re too big for you at that point. [00:05:00] All right, let’s go down the rabbit hole with Mr. Adam Kleininger, which he got brother.
Adam Cloninger: I’m gonna make you a short, and this is about Halloween, but we don’t
Chris Gazdik: have a whole lot to cover today.
You know? Yeah, I know.
Adam Cloninger: I
Chris Gazdik: saw him make it. We only have 20.
Adam Cloninger: So, you know, I, I, I had kids and you know, they’re growing up now, but you know, something I’d never really. Thought about when I had kids. Oh,
Chris Gazdik: can I, can I block your, your rabbit hole before I forget bunny hole? Yeah, your bunny hole rabbit. What am I supposed to call it?
Rabbit hole is fine. God bunny hole. Public service announcement. Really? I thought a good current event with mental mental health and substance abuse services is what we cover. But there’s a lot of emotions and mental health around pre screenings and all of this stuff. So I did my job. I had a colonoscopy yesterday, guys.
Yeah. When you get of age and I was thinking about this because the doctor looked at me after the after the colonoscopy I’ll leave it. I’ll leave it all the details out, but he said it was a good thing you came That’s what he said Because you have to get this stuff screened You have to do the things and I
[00:06:00] remember my wife and her friend really belaboring for women like you’ve been got to get your, your mammograms.
Her friend had not gotten a mammogram in like 15 years. You can’t do that. You gotta be a good patient. It’s really wise to take care of your body because that’s going to help you to take care of your mental health and people will avoid this stuff. I am guilty as charged as well, although I’m 51 and I didn’t wait too long.
I’m a year late. And I wish I had done it a year earlier because yesterday probably would have been a little bit better. So it’s just a public service announcement. Really do your screenings. Stay on top of stuff. Listen to your doctors. Trust what we know. We’ve got decent medicine around the world, I’m sure is the same.
So public service announcement. Do your screenings. They’re important. Fair?
Adam Cloninger: Fair enough.
Chris Gazdik: All right, let’s go down the rabbit hole.
Adam Cloninger: All right. So. Like I said, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve had kids and I didn’t really think about it while they were little, but now I’ve kind of considered about kids and actually maybe like disabled kids or [00:07:00] adults Halloween can be kind of scary, terrifying, terrifying.
So, you know, I, our article here, I was, I was reading about some things you should be able to do about as far as Halloween. Prepare early for Halloween and what they’re talking about is kind of break them into what’s going on.
Chris Gazdik: So you’re talking about young kids or disabled children?
Adam Cloninger: Yes, yes, absolutely both of them.
So the thing is, like, there’s something about preparing early. Like, for example, they gave, like, go to, you know, the local, I’m gonna use party city, for example. Yeah. Go there, take kids or, you know, Mainly handicapped or whatever and show them these costumes and stuff and say, oh, isn’t that scary? You know kind of break them in getting used.
You might see somebody wearing this My kids
Neil Robinson: hated party city when they were younger because of the scary because it’s terrifying. Yeah, it’s scary. Yeah, my youngest hated it
Adam Cloninger: Really? So that that’s something and then they you know, they talked about talking to your kids. Consider festivals that you know, what in the festivals may [00:08:00] be You know Make them have a lot of anxiety and stuff.
Just some other things talked about Acknowledge that the part that the child or the mentally handicapped person’s fear of Halloween talk to them about it Then you can they say so you can pick like neutral costumes Different things like that. Said that you could discuss it with them. And, you know, say, say you have a child and they’re out and a clown scares on there, Oh, that’s a clown scared you and make sure they understand that it’s all, you know, it’s all pretend, you know, and I know it can be scary.
And the reason I know this, I remember when I was in Pre school, right in the playground, and they brought in one of the teachers who was dressed up as a witch. Scared the crap out of me. I remember, I actually remember the fear of the screaming, bloody murder house girl. So, the teacher’s like pulling the hat off and saying, Adam, it’s me!
It’s me! It’s Mrs. So and so! I knew you were
Neil Robinson: a
Adam Cloninger: witch! I didn’t know you were terrifying! So, it can be scary. [00:09:00]
Chris Gazdik: Well, and you know the thing that I like about that, Adam, honestly, is I know in this area we live in quote unquote the Bible Belt. It’s what they call the sort of the Deep South and a lot of churches will get together and do something they call Trunk or Treat.
I would imagine around the world there are different sort of beliefs. Cultural norms around all of this. And, but the thing that, the thing I like about what you’re saying is, is we, you know, we, we, it is scary for little kids. They do not understand. And like, I’ve never understood the, the fear of clowns.
Like p you know, PI, I just don’t understand that one. I, I, I never got into the horror movie. What was the horror movie? Yeah. Yeah. And there there’s another one called, oh,
Adam Cloninger: theier one, two, and three. Oh, the new one. Oh yeah, that one. Theier
Chris Gazdik: Theier. Is that a good one on clowns?
Adam Cloninger: I mean, it’s just kind of a spooky looking costume.
It’s
Neil Robinson: I hear it’s pretty i’ve never watched it because we don’t do horror movies at us, but it’s pretty pretty graphics But here’s
Chris Gazdik: the thing that I like is, you know, we can develop strategies or [00:10:00] Events that avoid and try to you know Protect or how do I want to put that really? Just sort of water everything down so that it’s so that it’s not As scary.
Yeah, it’s not
Adam Cloninger: it’s not like you want to desensitize them. It’s you want to expose them to it exposure You know, that’s the word I can explain. Hey this this is This is a pretend you’re going to see some people who look like witches and some scary looking clowns. Kids are
Chris Gazdik: resilient and we need to help them overcome fears.
Kids are resilient and we need to help them overcome various behaviors and talking with them, walking with them, guiding them through that. Helping them overcome is what I’m all about. I love like, you know, we, we try to protect children too much. I fear. Like for instance somewhat random unrelated, but a very good example of how I will get questions all the time [00:11:00] about kids and funerals.
You know, should we take the kid to the funeral? What should we do? How do we do that? What do we say? How do we operate? And I’m kind of like, look, they’re not tripped out. You’re tripped out as the adult. Yep. Take his You have had multiple losses, multiple funerals, and you probably haven’t resolved all the emotions with that kids.
They’re fine at funerals. Usually they are more than fine. I don’t think I’ve ever said, don’t take a kid to a funeral because we don’t need to protect them. We don’t need to hide realities from them. We need to help them through it so that
they can process their emotion and learn how to deal with. Learn how to deal with insecurities.
Learn how to deal with loss. So I really look at it as a learning opportunity. So I love, I love what you found. I try to find
Adam Cloninger: something like more
Chris Gazdik: weird and strange. He sat down today. He’s like, I don’t really even have a good one today. I’m like, nah, it’s fine. No, that’s a great one. I mean, you said you had
Adam Cloninger: to make it, we had to make quick.
That’s, that’s
Chris Gazdik: absolutely on point. I love it. So, yeah, I don’t know, Neil. Do you remember episode 281? What are true [00:12:00] needs versus wants? That’s where we’re supposed to actually start because I actually did these shows and I prepared the month in review that month that we missed the very first time. So I think that’s literally the last show that we haven’t reviewed.
But then in, in, in review, I guess, two 83, we did ambition. How do we get to. How do we get it? And then we did episode 284. Where is that even? Where’s 284?
Adam Cloninger: Did you skip an
Neil Robinson: episode?
Chris Gazdik: Was that the Zay Gradsley episode? Zay
Neil Robinson: Gradsley was Gradsley was 286.
Chris Gazdik: Okay, well I don’t even know what we had for two. Oh, I think I skipped 284 because I was trying to condense.
That’s what happened. I picked a few shows already on the last one I prepared, so we missed that one. 285 was Willpower. It’s a challenge in life. 286 was how to overcome resiliency was a Gratzli. We’re going to talk about that one tonight for sure. And a little bit [00:13:00] more depth. And then 287 was resentments.
And then we did marriage killer resentments. 288, 289 danger of losing yourself. 290 why can’t some people just say no and I thought that was a fun one We should probably talk about that one a little bit today. I think we
Adam Cloninger: did before the show
Chris Gazdik: Oh, man That is an inside joke that we are not going to explain thank you adam for that
Neil Robinson: And 284 was the empathy one.
How do we Have we lost it? I thought it was I guess not.
Chris Gazdik: No, it’s because I skipped it when I, I was, I was trying to condense some of the shows. And then the boundaries of a new marriage, 291, 292, how to actively build trust. And the last one that we just did recently, 293, navigating mental health in transitions.
So I don’t know, Neil, how do we want to try to go through maybe pick [00:14:00] some, I prepared some of these, you know, to go through, and maybe we just try to make some comments on things without as depthy a discussion. I think I want to talk about the Zay Gratzli in depth, but what do you think, man? How do we want to do this?
Neil Robinson: I don’t know. Adam, did you catch any of these shows? Oh yeah, I watch every single one of them.
Chris Gazdik: He’s an absolute thing, and he’s told ten people this week about YouTube subscriptions, and probably what is it Hope Cortez. Do you know Hope Cortez? Is she your friend?
Adam Cloninger: I don’t, I don’t know her.
Chris Gazdik: You don’t know her?
Okay, do you know Wes Peacock?
Adam Cloninger: No, but they should send questions in.
Chris Gazdik: Okay, but you’ve got many other YouTube subscribers over this time. There’s less than a
Adam Cloninger: thousand right now, though.
Chris Gazdik: That’s true. That’s true. Seriously, how do we want to go about this? What do you think?
Neil Robinson: I guess we just go down the list, I guess, and just, you said,
Adam Cloninger: you said you want to do four, is that what you said?
Chris Gazdik: We’ll try. Yeah.
Neil Robinson: Well, you said you want to do
Adam Cloninger: Zay.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah.
Adam Cloninger: I’m curious about the the danger of losing yourself. [00:15:00]
Chris Gazdik: Okay.
Neil Robinson: Your turn.
Chris Gazdik: Danger of losing yourself. Which one was that?
Neil Robinson: That’s the 289.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, 289.
Neil Robinson: I mean, willpower, I got a lot of stuff going on this next month. So I think willpower might be a fun one to kind of go over again.
Chris Gazdik: You do have a lot of stuff. Say what you mean by that.
Neil Robinson: Oh, that’s cool.
Chris Gazdik: That’s a cool example for people.
Neil Robinson: Yeah, you
Chris Gazdik: are a cool example for people. Neil, did you know?
Neil Robinson: I am not, but okay, it
Adam Cloninger: doesn’t matter to me. Whatever you want to do.
Neil Robinson: So no, I think that’s, I think those are some good starting points and then I think we can basically see if anything else comes in.
Chris Gazdik: Well explain the willpower thing, which, which, what do you mean by that?
Neil Robinson: So, so part of the thing just in life, you know, what I find is willpower, you need to have something to, that pushes your willpower. And so I’ve been kind of with work and everything, I’ve kind of Not really been much on discipline lately.
And so I actually have a couple of buddies where I have two different challenges. I’m going to be doing this next month, you know, those whole 30 days or do something each day for a [00:16:00] challenge. And so it’s going to be interesting because I’ve been so out of it for so long that like physical challenges.
Yeah. I got a little pushup challenge with my brother in law and my kids and stuff we’re going to do. And then I got another one that I did with another buddy that adds, adds to it. So every day there’s some sort of some physical activities.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, sorry about that. . I had a problem. I had to try and fix it,
Neil Robinson: but yeah, so, so it’s gonna be interesting doing this over the course of 31 days because I’m gonna have, you know, I gotta go to a football game one day.
It’s like, am I, am I gonna get my workout in those? We have, I have an event next week with actually Saturday with my wife. Like, am I gonna get this stuff in? Am I gonna get Thanksgiving? Right? Coming up? You know, there’s all those things that happen. So it’s gonna be interesting to see if I have the willpower to.
Chris Gazdik: Follow through, stay dedicated, and hit it.
Neil Robinson: Exactly. And so, yeah. So, and I think that’s the hard part. And I think with a lot of the things is, with this willpower. One, I have a buddy. He
texted me this morning, being like, I already started today. I’m like, great. I did it two of the, you know, two days earlier.
Like, [00:17:00] great. Good try. But, I think, and that’s the fun part about the willpower during these challenges with people is like, if you do what people to help you. To me, it helps your willpower to have other people to motivate you.
Chris Gazdik: Let’s talk about that a second, though. I have always kind of found Well, Adam, what’s, what’s your take on like a workout buddy or an accountability partner, you know, with these kinds of projects, like weight loss things, Neal’s doing, what is it?
Running and pushups. And it’s
Neil Robinson: just like a hundred reps of a bunch of different workouts and stuff like that,
Chris Gazdik: kinesthetic working out. There’s, you’re doing a lot of different things. So what do you think about workout partners? I
Adam Cloninger: agree. And the reason I’m gonna say this is two reasons. One, we mentioned the pushup challenge.
I was getting ready to tell him, send that to me and Chris, because there’s the little, do you know why? How
Chris Gazdik: about, like, to Adam?
Neil Robinson: Well, I told you it’s going to be an easy push up challenge because it’s my brother in law who’s Yes. He’s kind of overweight. [00:18:00] You can do the one challenge with me, the 100 reps a day, and he can do the other one.
Okay. So I
Chris Gazdik: will, I will, I will engage.
Adam Cloninger: And the second thing was Back many many years ago when I used to actually work out I had a guy at work that I used to work out with and the thing was is that we’d go in work and Everything’s going great, and he can’t he
Chris Gazdik: stopped working out. Yeah, but that’s what happened to you, but I didn’t know That’s what happened to you Sorry,
Adam Cloninger: I’m going to fire back.
If you’re going to fire, I’m going to fire back in the pushup challenge. And then next month on, on that Thursday, we’re going to do it very well. I’m not scared. I’m not scared either, brother. Not anymore. So The other thing was the reason we stopped, I stopped working out then was I was going all the time and this guy kind of got started getting slack and you know, we’re supposed to meet there at eight o’clock every morning, we’ll be there and I’m exercising and I’m like, yeah, and then it got to be, you know, less and less and he just stopped showing.
I just kind of, I just kind of faded off [00:19:00] to,
Chris Gazdik: yeah.
Adam Cloninger: So, yeah, I think it’s a good
Chris Gazdik: idea. I disagree to a total, to a, to, to a certain extent. Here’s, here’s what I’ve always kind of found it, it, it, it feels like they’re fun. It’s good. I’m definitely not downing it different ways. We’ve suggested having an accountability partner.
For things like sobriety or, you know, weight loss challenges and things like that, things are powerful, particularly in a group, but I’m not talking about right now, a group I’m talking about, Neil, if you and I agree that we’re going to kind of engage in something, well, just like you just described Adam. I really feel like it is really, really important that you get your own.
Drive together that you get your own goals set that you get your own persistence and the use of the word willpower, I guess, because if that’s not installed, if that’s not solid, this generally doesn’t have a [00:20:00] long life. That’s what I have found.
Adam Cloninger: Well, how long does it take to make a 30 days
Chris Gazdik: to make a, you know, partner for 30 days?
Yeah, but, but, but it has to reside. feel like more importantly in yourself. I’m not downing any thing that involves a workout partner or accountability partner. I think it’s great, but it has to be an inside job first. Like I go every Monday to
my trainer and I’ve done that for over a year now. And every Wednesday I go, it’s been a year already.
Yeah, he told me, well, maybe almost a year, but it’s, yeah. And every Wednesday I go to the Y for a workout. And then usually on weekends, I’ve been active in my yard, doing stuff, carrying trees and rocks and whatever I’m active with. So that’s been mine to do. And that’s been really solid. And I’m very happy that I’ve done that because I wanted to take a long term approach with this.
Neil Robinson: But here’s my question. How long did you, were you going with your trainer [00:21:00] before you went on Wednesdays as well?
Chris Gazdik: Cuz you only did one day a week for me, didn’t you? Probably for A minute. Yeah. And then I, no, no, no, no, no. I’m, I’m, I’m incorrect. No, I started out because I, you know, I’m 51. So I figured, you know, I need to get my body back together straight up.
Like this has gotten ridiculous. I
Neil Robinson: still think it’s crazy that I go to planet fitness. I still see John Pope on the Stairmaster. Oh yeah. Doing his thing. He kills it. What the heck is wrong with you? No, he’s, he’s my hero.
Chris Gazdik: I love John Pope for that. He’s one of our panelists on normal shows. If you know, by now No, I started out going Wednesdays and I hit the elliptical and that’s what I was doing regularly and and then I knew that I wanted to do that so I added Monday and actually he got me adding Tuesdays and Thursdays to work at my house that’s kind of slipped away but I’m going to pick that back up as well so that that You know, either one Tuesday or Thursday.
So it’s multiple hits through the week, and that’s just my willpower. If you will, my consistency, I don’t think that it’s safe to rely on the [00:22:00] motivation of another person to initiate your own motivation. Does that seem fair, or does that totally disagree with what you guys have both all just said?
Adam Cloninger: Go ahead.
Neil Robinson: I wasn’t gonna let you go on that one. I, well, I
Chris Gazdik: mean Because they’re about ready to blast me, guys, that’s fine.
Adam Cloninger: No, no, I mean, I can see either way, and I see why it’s important that you do it yourself, but at the same time, I mean, this, I can see it being beneficial. Well,
Chris Gazdik: even if you’re doing it with somebody, it’s gotta be your own motivation.
You can’t feed people. Off of the other person and and and get and think they’re going to get you Motivated that’s
Adam Cloninger: all I think is good for is just give you just that little bit of extra Extra put just a little bit because sometimes all you need is a little bit extra push. Yeah I mean, I don’t work out and I should right and a little extra push to help me a lot Yeah,
Neil Robinson: but now we gotta do extra push because you got extra weight behind you [00:23:00] But we’re on the same boat But seeing the thing like you look at, you had your partner, your workout partner.
Well, once he stopped going, then you didn’t have that person there to help kind of keep you going. Right? Right. So that goes back to Chris’s statement. And you still have to have that drive yourself, right? So in theory, instead of you stopping because you did it for so long, you should have actually had the willpower, the habit to keep going.
Should have,
Chris Gazdik: should have. I almost feel like it’s, it’s better to be a part of a workout group than a workout agreement between two people. I can say that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It’s powerful in a group Now. I, I will, I will say that’s the opposite of everything I said it, you put yourself into like a running, we have a, we have a runner’s group in, in the area, or a boxing group.
Or a boxing group. Boxing group. I, I did like a CrossFit
Neil Robinson: hit group at one point. Kinda like the burn bootcamp. Those
Chris Gazdik: CrossFit groups are amazing. The burn camps are amazing. Victoria is doing the burn camps and it’s so a whole group of people, five stars. [00:24:00] Fantastic. Probably the best way to go. Developing your own motivation is secondly most important, and then thirdly, if you want to help a friend or whatever, you can set something up, but don’t rely on them for yours.
So, willpower. Motivation. Alright, let’s go back to one of the things I prepared for was, Episode 2 81, what are true needs versus wants? And the three questions that we had on that show were, what are needs versus wants defined? Do you have a list of your own needs or are they wants, do you know what needs are versus wants?
Right? And then lastly, how does one assess needs versus as met or not? So. What are true needs versus want? I’ve always been fascinated, Adam, about like people talking about, well, I need this and I need that, and my emotional, you’re not meeting my needs. Right? You hear these statements from people and I almost feel like half the time it’s just full of crap.
Like it’s not, you’re talking about things that you want your partner to do, not things that [00:25:00] you need.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. People confuse ’em like I, I, I’ve said before, I need to get me a new car. No, I don’t need to get
Chris Gazdik: me a new car. Right. I need to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers when they come out of the box. You
Adam Cloninger: don’t need to watch them.
You want to watch them.
Chris Gazdik: Right. So how do you know what needs are versus what your wants are? Because I feel like people confuse this thing up a lot. Remember what we talked about, Neil, with the the, there’s a, there’s a specific psychological pyramid. That’s a big tip that we talked a lot about. Any, any, any recollection on what this this is?
Neil Robinson: The, the Maslov’s or whatever it is. Neil is so
Chris Gazdik: brilliant. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. You ever hear, I’m sure you’ve heard of this, Adam. Yeah. What do you know about it? What do you hear? What do you, what do you think about this as a model?
Adam Cloninger: I don’t know that well. I mean, I’ve heard of it, but
Chris Gazdik: That’s it? No, I [00:26:00] mean, I mean, I, I That’s all he’s got?
Adam Cloninger: That’s all I got.
Chris Gazdik: That’s all he’s got. Maslow was an old philosopher. It came around a long time ago. It was one of the, I mean, it was almost like Freud, Maslow, you know, these guys were
Neil Robinson: Adler.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, Adler. Impressive. The the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need is designed to kind of help us, I think, really understand, and we talked a lot about it in that episode on how, did you get that from the notes or did you know that?
Neil Robinson: I knew roughly it.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, okay. All right.
Neil Robinson: So I actually couldn’t find, I’m like trying to scramble. I couldn’t find it.
Chris Gazdik: And then you had to rely on yourself and you, and you nailed it.
Adam Cloninger: So if, if I remember right now, I said, I didn’t know them about something. If I remember right, the stuff on the bottoms is the actual needs.
And as you go up as stuff that you want, it’s
Chris Gazdik: all needs. It’s all needs. They’re all, they’re all needs. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I’m glad you said that. That’s awesome though because the, the, the basement foundation are the most basic needs. It builds so that it’s really hard to have higher levels of [00:27:00] needs met when you don’t have lower levels of needs met.
For instance, the lowest level, the base foundation of Maslow’s hierarchy in a pyramid is food, water, shelter, the basics. Yeah. And I have done therapy with people that are really struggling on that level. You can’t really talk about boundary development. You really can’t talk about even anger management.
You can’t do a whole lot with marriage and whatnot when you’re trying to do counseling, because these kids that I were working with in a mental health center, I mean, they would go home, not knowing if they were going to have a meal. Now we call it food insecurity.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah. They’re thinking about that instead of that’s
Chris Gazdik: what they’re freaking out about.
Right. That’s what they’re, they’re, they’re yelling at the teacher in school about. That’s why they’re getting into breaking and enterings and stuff. You know, because they, they’re basic levels. They cannot function. They’re not getting very basic needs met. And when that’s the case, it’s kind of foobar.
It’s a rough living. [00:28:00] And You know, homelessness is very real. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a real issue in our country and around the world. You know, we have a lot more people than you would think are really struggling, not really knowing if mommy’s going to be home tonight and, and, and if I will be fed and they, what will I scramble around to get?
Like, that sounds dramatic, but I’m telling you, there’s a lot of people. High percentage in our wealthy nation, America, right? And around the world that people just don’t have those needs met. So then when you move up, you, you know, you get things like, I need love in my life. You know, you need affection and boundaries and the top of the pyramid is self actualization, right?
So, you know. Remember how we talked about self actualization, Neil? I’d have to create the definition in my head anyway, so. I’m trying to think
Neil Robinson: what self actualization actually means in this case. What is the self actualization? [00:29:00]
Chris Gazdik: So, it’s the highest function of Maslow’s needs after food, water, shelter, boundaries, relationships, you know, your own space.
Self actualization really kind of refers to like self actualization. All of these needs are pretty robust. You’ve got elements of most, all of these things. And you begin to feel actualized, meaning, I mean, how great does it feel when you actually have like all of your needs met, right? You’re, you’re really dialed in, you’re stable, you’re grounded.
Like you’re really in a good space.
Neil Robinson: You’re actually a real person.
Chris Gazdik: You’re actually a real person fully engaged. Right. So. That’s what we’re after. But you know, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll get off of this by, by saying like really, and truly the main idea that I had in the show true needs versus wants is people forget what their needs actually are, don’t know how to answer that question.
And then they begin talking about all of these things that they [00:30:00] want in their life, that they want from their partner or that they want from their school or government or whatever. And it, it, it, It just has nothing to do with needs. People don’t know how to answer the question. What are your needs? I struggle with it.
When I really think about it,
Neil Robinson: you think part of the struggle is because we have so much that you really, the needs get watered down because they’re in certain cases, it’s just a expectation, but I’m going to have these needs except for, you know, you talk about a situation where they don’t, but for most people, if they have those, what is classified as an actual need, because it’s expected and it’s consistent for them.
Is that why the, the wants become needs? Because there’s not, that, you don’t have that pressure of, I don’t know if I’m gonna get this food or if I’m gonna get my shelter, or, you know,
Chris Gazdik: on the basement level, yes. But on the higher end levels where we have look up hierarchy of needs. So, so I’m sitting thinking, so you’re, you’re saying, you putting
Adam Cloninger: me so spoiled about what Having to watch the, the.
Pittsburgh Steelers if [00:31:00] yeah, that’s just a silly one But neil
Chris Gazdik: I think what it is is people when we look at maslow’s second and third and fourth level That’s where you get to to where we have emotional Needs that we don’t realize like I don’t think people are going to list boundaries clear and defined boundaries as something that they need in their life, but we do So I think that we live our lives and we just kind of assume our way through what it is that our needs are based on what we want, not really actual needs.
And so that’s where we switch our focus. I don’t think it’s because we have them all met. And then we play up our wants.
Neil Robinson: So are you saying when my teenager says I need my phone? He doesn’t need that. You should you should give them a printout
Adam Cloninger: of
Neil Robinson: this. Yeah
Adam Cloninger: Tell them like I don’t see phone on here. It
Chris Gazdik: is not on the maslow’s hierarchy of needs No, what are the the full levels bottom level?
Adam Cloninger: Physiological needs. Okay, [00:32:00] second breathing food water blah blah. Safety and security love and belonging It’s not number three. That’s number three self esteem You
Chris Gazdik: Okay, building yourself up and
Adam Cloninger: the top is self actualization. So yeah, and that’s the definition of that
Chris Gazdik: You go ahead. Yeah, I’m curious.
Adam Cloninger: Morality, creativity, spontaneity, acceptance, experience, purpose, and meaning, and inner potential.
Chris Gazdik: But you have to say the word spontaneity.
Adam Cloninger: Spontaneity. Alright, very
Neil Robinson: well done. And another one actually had transcendence above that. Oh, really? Yeah. One of, one of the other ones that wiki had, had like, it’s like transcendence was the peak.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, above self actualization. They’ve changing Maslow’s thing. Come on, man. There are models out there that are other models and, and it’s, it’s cool stuff. Let’s get off of this. We got other shows to go to, but be careful about what you think your needs are and ask yourself really the question. Is this something that I need, or is this something [00:33:00] that I want?
Is this essential for my well being? Can I live without this? And that’s a good question to sort of base on and sort of begin figuring out this next one goes episode 283 ambition. How do we get it with the motivation conversation we have? You know Ambition is, is, is different than motivation, and we, we struggle with identifying our goals.
I think oftentimes with people, we want things to happen for us, but don’t tend to have the willpower or discipline to put behaviors and whatnot in place to get ourselves to the point where we want to be. And that, I think, is something that challenges. So. If we wanted to try to install in ourselves, wh
How can we actually kind of install a sense of ambition for ourselves? It’s a [00:34:00] weird way of thinking about it, but you know, how do you do that? Cause I know that we do it. Think about when you go after something that you want. Set a goal and now you want to put steps into place. Well, there’s a tip. Put steps into place to like create a sense of I am ambitious now.
I’m going after this. How do we do that?
Neil Robinson: It’s kind of a weird, that’s almost like a carpet for the horse or chicken and the egg kind of thing. Sometimes you have to have the ambition to want to create the steps.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah, it’s
Neil Robinson: such a weird, that’s kind of an odd.
Adam Cloninger: And even before that you have to actually want something.
Neil Robinson: Like, like the biggest thing, like I run into is my, between my two boys, like my oldest, if he wants something, he’ll just go get it. Right. He, he has a dry once he’s decided. Now my youngest, I can’t even even get him like, what do you want for your birthday this year? I don’t care what everyone get me like, dude, like, come on.
Like, what do you want? You really want? Yeah. What do you want? Like,
Chris Gazdik: what do you want? What do you need? It’s interesting that he struggles with [00:35:00] that. I
Neil Robinson: think as a younger sibling, you, you kind of get pushed around by the older one because of the personality difference. I know that. He really has this, like, I just want to please everyone kind of personality.
We’re like, just tell us what you want. If you don’t know what you want, you don’t know what you’re going for. Right. I’ve kind of done some, you know, things where it’s like, you like that girl? Okay, well go get her number. Like go do like, if you want to go, like, I don’t care if you have a girlfriend, but if you want something,
Chris Gazdik: go get it.
Neil Robinson: You need that ambition to go get it. You got to put yourself out there to go get it. It’s almost like for, for ambition. It’s like, you know, There’s a
weird thing in life where you, you want to be content with what you have, but you can’t be complacent with where you are. You have to want to get better. So there’s an interesting dichotomy there that I think is, it’s kind of an interesting thing.
Chris Gazdik: It, it, it’s an interesting thing that you say, chicken or the egg. It’s listen to this list of things that we developed on how to actually cultivate it. I’m going to go through it real quick because I think it gives a flavor of what it is that I was trying to set up, right? [00:36:00] Believing or Vision boards, doing a vision board activity or something similar.
I do a one five and tenure plan. So the idea is creating smart goals. We’ve talked about that, Neil, in our group all the time, right? You know, so, so, so you want to create that for yourself, then you set manageable or super high goals, which one, you know, you want to get goals that are actually going to push you.
So you don’t want to have goals that are too easy. You want to have goals that are harder because that actually creates, like I set my own goal high. So even if you don’t get there, it’s okay. But it cultivates like a drive focusing on the progress, not the outcome. So reveling in the journey, take staying present.
You can put mindfulness into that self care, the cornerstone, remember, right? Like these are things that you do to help yourself, to sustain a sustained drive, creating motivation because you take breaks. Very smart, short and small, but then you look at what action points. That’s actually [00:37:00] one of the four areas.
My entire first book you know, was written, whittled down into focus points, stopping, you know, value yourself, reflect on emotions and action points, you create points of action actually stimulates your motivation. Write out your value and your ethical belief, put stuff on paper resolve family issues because those things and other types of things can hold you back.
So you want to destroy the resentments that you have. You want to destroy the negative self talk that you have. You want to destroy some of these things that people struggle with and that frees up positive thinking. We talked a lot about procrastination you know, not too long ago. Manager emotion well defeats the procrastination that people typically struggle with.
I liked the example of space X with embracing failures and then resolving traumas. Cause again, these traumas and these emotional things kind of hold you back. So you see what I’m saying? Like with that brainstormed kind of list,
it’s kind of like, you don’t [00:38:00] just have ambition, Adam, if you don’t create it for yourself and facilitate it and then actually monitor and manage it.
And. You know, continue to foster these things. It will drip away. And unfortunately, usually for people, when they do get motivated about goals, they go so far and then stop new year’s resolutions are coming up. They’re stupid because people don’t follow them. You have to cultivate this, right? How’s that all sound?
What do you, what do you, what’s this, what’s this doing in your brain?
Adam Cloninger: I still say you got to want it first.
Chris Gazdik: Right.
Adam Cloninger: I know it’s kind of. Well, it’s ambition. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean you gotta. What do you mean? Like this very first thing you had was about the vision board and stuff. And plan and, you know, smart and all that stuff.
So all that’s about planning out what you want to accomplish. You got to want to accomplish a specific thing or a specific things first before you actually can set a goal out.
Chris Gazdik: [00:39:00] I think people want a lot of things. I don’t think that’s a, that’s a big problem though, Adam, honestly, because we want to be thin, we want to be wealthy, we want to be productive at work.
We want to engage church activities. We want to get good at sports, right? But it’s what separates people apart. Is people that can identify how do I really carry that want so it happens? Yes, I agree We have to have that first, but then what do you really do to make that happen? That’s the ambition
Adam Cloninger: well, what i’m saying is you got to get from the point of Going from it would be nice to to I want to oh, that’s a good differentiation.
I’m saying. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah
Adam Cloninger: Am I right now? I’m at it would be nice if I was in good shape.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah
Adam Cloninger: Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. Gotcha. So, that’s what I’m saying.
Chris Gazdik: You wanna know a cool motivational interviewing theory for strategy mental health therapy? Sure. It’s called motivational interviewing. That’s actually what you just talked about.
You go into stages. You have a pre contemplative stage. An alcoholic who doesn’t really [00:40:00] think that he’s an alcoholic, but might be. And it’s thinking about it, but hadn’t really done anything yet. You’re pre contemplative stages outside of the circle. Then you move into the circle, into a contemplative state where you were actually contemplating.
This is what my action is going to be. This is what I want to do. This is what I want. Here’s my vision board. Then you go into action where you’re an active recovery for an alcoholic, that sobriety, or you begin doing your pushup challenge, Neil, what have you. And then you move into relapse. Unfortunately, you fall out.
But then you have to kind of go back into the contemplative and you go into this circle. It’s called motivational Interviewing
Adam Cloninger: i’m getting i’m getting messages from the show. Yeah
Chris Gazdik: Are we in trouble?
Adam Cloninger: No, no Disagree people are happy with being lazy and complacent and just getting by.
Chris Gazdik: Ah, that’s a comment not on a youtube comment, but know That’s interesting Neil, what do you remember about the procrastination show?
Does Lazy have much to do with it? You’re asking [00:41:00] him? Yes, I am. Purposely. Yes, I am. Purposely. I love that
Neil Robinson: show.
Chris Gazdik: He led it. He did it. He owned it. But what did we learn, though? Do you remember? Because I learned something very much by doing it. The, huh. I said, did he post it right away? He said it just got
Adam Cloninger: posted.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, dear God. That was about three months ago. And the show was just posted. Neil? No. What did you remember from that? Do you remember how we learned something about procrastination?
Neil Robinson: I think we learned a lot of stuff about procrastination. I’m trying to think remember the, the big piece about that one, but I mean, see that’s, it’s what?
From my side, thinking at it from my, with my pieces, like I said, I have a couple of challenges I want to do. There’s some other stuff in my life I’m trying to change. Going back to the willpower. I’m trying to build that up, but it wasn’t until now that I actually had the ambition to make that change.
Right? Right. And so what I’m finding is through these couple of negative things that they get out of my life, adding in some positive stuff, it’s. It isn’t until I actually really, truly have ambition that I make [00:42:00] those steps. Like laziness in itself is the idea that as you got the comment, I would rather sit there and do nothing than actually make a change.
That’s that laziness, right? Once you decide that the change is more important to you than my comfort or my, you know, my TV show or my game, whatever, I would rather sit there That’s when you make that change. So your ambition has to be that drive. You have to get that ambition to want to make those next changes.
And it’s not a, I want to, and I use air quotes for want to, because there’s a lot of people who want to do stuff, but they really don’t. They just say they want to, once again, it’s, it’s a nice, it would be nice to. I like
Chris Gazdik: your, I like your thing, Adam, there. That’s, that’s pretty cool. Honestly.
Neil Robinson: So, so really that’s what it boils down to when it comes down to it, you have, there has to be something that triggers in your brain, whether it’s an alcoholic that gets into a bad wreck or something happens with them, there has to get to a turn turning point that their ambition kicks in for them to want to take the next steps because without the [00:43:00] ambition.
You’re not going to make a vision board. You’re not going to write a plan out. You’re not going to do self care. You’re not going to do any of those things. You’re not going to get the rest you want. Right. That’s why ambition is the
starting force to then build something that you then get to the point where you have willpower.
And that’s what I liked about these shows you had, you had these, you really built on each other with these different, but
Chris Gazdik: yeah,
Neil Robinson: if you don’t have ambition, if you don’t have something, some sort of. driving you to do it. You’re not going to have that. Whether it’s harder because some people are more motivated than other people, right?
They have those external forces that motivate them. You know, do they get to the internal locus of control? Can they actually build that up to want those desires? But for me, I, You know, I’m easy to fall off the wagon and stop working out or eat crappy food or do whatever it is that I shouldn’t be doing.
It’s like, there’s still that part. So ambition still has to come from me. As you said, ambition comes from myself. And then that leads me out down those paths. But it’s definitely. Yeah, you can’t do the other [00:44:00] stuff unless you have, you have to have some sort of something that triggers ambition for you.
Chris Gazdik: So the thing that I was surprised about, it goes right along with all of that, when I did the show prep for that procrastination concept, I was really, because we deal with that in therapy a lot, you know, procrastination is a major issue.
And that was one of our, you know, Hotly listened to shows, to be honest with you, because I think a lot of people identify, I tend to procrastinate why, and I never really realized until I was doing that show prep, that there is a big link between not managing mental health factors well enough that doesn’t lead to the energy for what it is that you want to carry through.
So you just sort of put it off. And I think about that in a lot of ways. So. We blame the concept of laziness. People are lazy. I don’t know that people are as lazy as much as we think they are when we’re struggling with things that take our [00:45:00] energy away. Like a bad marriage. Like a traumatic trauma that is unresolved, like a major loss, like unemployment.
Let’s just take unemployment. Yeah, there’s so many things that are draining us that we’re not managing well. Or well enough and when you’re mentally drained you got no shot at doing Ambitious things so you really have to kind of be on
top of your game with what’s draining you Because when you don’t have positive mental health that results in procrastination
Adam Cloninger: goes back to the Previous episode you come out with a pyramid.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, exactly. We, and we, we, Neil’s right. I particularly during that month, whatever month it was, I must, I pulled these together and, and, and layered them in. So I don’t know, man. I don’t know that it’s really a lazy factor as much as it is, you know, like I said, what, what was the example I was rattling through?
Unemployment, right? Unemployment is a [00:46:00] horrible thing. I have a couple of people that are in therapy right now that are dealing with unemployment, and it’s just like, it saps your soul. It’s so debilitating, particularly for a guy. One of them is a female, though, and she feels the same way. It’s just like, it’s debilitating.
Like, I can’t get a job. That’s what we talked about today. And, you know, it’s really, Drains your life energy when you’re sitting at home and you’re depressed and you’re not making money and the money is dwindling in your account And I mean that how easy is it going to be to have ambition in that set of circumstance?
It’s it’s it’s hard. So I don’t know. Yeah, it goes along with what you were saying neil. I think a lot
Neil Robinson: And I think and I think that’s the struggle when people get to that point where they have those unresolved issues They’re in a dead dead end job or they’re in something. It’s crushing. It’s really hard for them to get past that point You know, you know, you kind of talk about the you know, we’re losing yourself kind of situation in one of the other shows Yeah.
You know, when you lose yourself, you don’t know really what’s going on. [00:47:00] How do you even care what your ambitions are when you just want to just make it through the next eight hours of work or that conversation with your spouse or your in laws or your parents or dealing with your kids, right? You know.
And so I think that’s why it’s so important when you talk about cultivating it. And that’s episode
Chris Gazdik: two 89, the danger of losing yourself.
Neil Robinson: Yeah. And I think the biggest thing when you look at it, you know, that self care, that resolving family issues, dealing with those things is almost more important than anything else.
Cause if once again, you have to find something that means I want to get out of the cycle. That’s why I said, you want to be content in your life. That way you’re, you’re at least not depressed, but yet you can’t be complacent where you are. That’s why you have to find. You have to change that, that thought processes, thought process to really get that ambition to say, I want to do better.
I want to, I want to be somewhere else. What is that, that drive? But you have to resolve your issues first so you can actually get that part.
Chris Gazdik: It’s, it’s crucial and people don’t, but then they have questions. Well, how do I [00:48:00] resolve the issues that I have? Well, and, and even honestly insecurities. I mean, let’s just, let’s just look at every day, day to day struggle with With insecurities, which is a human emotional experience we all have.
Adam Cloninger: Before we move on, I wanna make sure I say something before I forget about it. The way you stated it the first time, I think that should be a short, the, the, the way he said it, the very first time, he said, I know he said the second time it’s still cool, but the first time you said it, it was.
Neil Robinson: We’ll see what opus picks
Chris Gazdik: opus picks it we get shorts out of the shows i’ll
Neil Robinson: define that one then if you said that so Let’s let’s switch.
Let’s switch.
Chris Gazdik: Let’s switch gears to a similar but same topic and talk about resiliency because in episode 286 We talked about at resiliency, which was actually you’re right Neil one of the shows that we had a guest that come in and what was which is why we didn’t do a Month and review that month That was with Zay Gratzly, huh?
Probably not. Are you texting him? Yeah, cool. Check it out. [00:49:00] Mr. Zay Gratzly came and joined us and hung out with us. And that was one of our, I think, better shows recently. Talking about amazing things that Mr. Gratzly had done. Had endured. He, he shared with us rather openly and frankly, and, and very genuinely, you know, his time in prison and the life that he was
running and how things were kind of going, and it was really amazing to talk to him because he, he straight turned that around, flipped it over on its head and is absolutely pursuing, you know, his country music career,
Neil Robinson: country hip hop.
Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: he’s got a flavor, doesn’t he?
Neil Robinson: Yeah, it’s fantastic.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, and and what is the website? Is it zaygrassley. com? Am I saying that right? Can you look sure and make sure we spell that right so we can put that out? You might have to look it up.
Neil Robinson: What do you mean? I have it on the document Oh, you already have it on zaygrassley.
com. That is you know, he has his own He has his own email website. So yeah, you can find him there look him up on spotify. All right Well, how do you spell make sure we
Chris Gazdik: got it spelled right
Neil Robinson: ay [00:50:00] g r a s t l e y
Chris Gazdik: g r A S T L E Y
Neil Robinson: Zay
Chris Gazdik: Grassley dot com Yeah, it’s awesome because he has a heck of a story and his music is actually really good.
Neil Robinson: You’re talking about someone who built ambition to get out of there, right? Right! That was the sort of thing that he talked about. Because he talked about his life, where he got to, what he did. Early on. And then even the area around here, he talked about just the, the lack of ambition for the people in the area.
It’s
Chris Gazdik: absolutely hysterical. I’m talking about Myrtle beach. Cause it’s so on point. It’s so true. You’re a local from around here.
Adam Cloninger: Hey, when I was a kid, that’s where we went from vacation. The Myrtle beach,
Chris Gazdik: that’s what everybody around here thinks. Like, that’s the biggest trip you could take. Like go to Myrtle beach.
Come back. What was he talking about? His friends come, you know, you’re crazy. You don’t know what you’re thinking about. Just go to the beach, come back. We’ll talk about it. I mean, I, we went to Murrell’s
Adam Cloninger: Inlet last time. Yeah, but it’s an awesome spot that far from it.
Chris Gazdik: No, but there’s a big world out there.
Adam Cloninger: Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: and he wanted [00:51:00] to get out of his own way and is looking at following and being a big part of creating his own dream. And I’ll tell you what, when you get activated that way. I mean, you could just see the energy dripping off of him. You could feel the energy dripping off of him with his passion and his drive.
You know, he set goals for himself and he is, he’s not listening to anybody that has anything to say about, Hey, just go to Myrtle Beach. You’re a Gastonia guy. You’re fine. Just, you’re one of us. We love you. Just, just. Forget about all that other stuff. He has no interest in we’ll cut that out. Like, because he’s going after what he wants to go after.
That’s resiliency after what was it? 21 years in prison, 17 years, 16, 16, 17 years in prison.
Adam Cloninger: I was thinking he said 14, but maybe not. Okay. So somewhere, somewhere in the teens,
Chris Gazdik: it was a lot longer than I would want to be there. That’s for sure. And he come out of there, man. And he’s exploding a very good guy.
I was very impressed with. What else did he say about [00:52:00] resiliency? You guys remember much else? I’m putting you on the spot and we
Adam Cloninger: Well, I was trying to remember. I remember you questioning something about, you know, what was it? Something along the lines of what was it that when you actually decided that’s what you want to do.
And I think he’s, if I remember right, he said it was when he was in prison that there was, they just decided. No, this was the California event. I used to get postcards. .
Chris Gazdik: Okay. This is something different. Then
Adam Cloninger: he said he got postcards and he started, he wanted to, he, he made something from Be nice too. It’d be nice to go here and be nice.
He went to, I want to go there.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. There’s a vision board. Yeah, I know. I don’t remember that part. That’s interesting. Yeah. Actually,
Adam Cloninger: actually, I think he might have called it that It is like a vision board. He, he had a, he said he had a vision board because he kept the postcards and he said, I’m, I, I, I want to go there.
I want to go there. I wanna
Chris Gazdik: be this, I want to go there. Yeah. I wanna do this.
Neil Robinson: The other thing he said was a big catalyst for him is he, he hates the word. He, he won’t [00:53:00] say I can’t, he took out of his vocabulary. Love that. And the reason why he did that was because when he was in prison, they told him, you can’t do this so much that he’s like, well, you can’t tell me I can’t.
And that’s one of his driving factors. Like I want to be, to be a musician. I can’t want to travel. The world, I can’t, if I want to do this, I can’t. Like that was the other thing we talk about resiliency. He just took no for an answer or he didn’t take no for an answer. He just said, yes, I can. And he just kept going.
And the interesting thing about the Gastonia mentality that’s around here, you know, you get beaten down. Oh, you just go recharge with a week at Myrtle beach and everything’s great. And then you come back and it’s just the same thing. Right. When you, when you realize that. Chronic cycle and he’s like, I want a breakthrough from that cycle, right?
I
Chris Gazdik: am not going to myrtle beach. I want to start
Adam Cloninger: working out. I’m going to myrtle beach for a week. When I get back,
Neil Robinson: it’s going to be on its own. Baby, sir, baby. And then you go to myrtle beach. You’re like, I really don’t need to work out. I’m good.
Chris Gazdik: Just met a girl whatever Yeah, and and [00:54:00] there’s another big piece that he talked about where I was thinking and you guys came up with two other things I mean there was definitely different layers of how he did this creation of resiliency for himself If you recall it was the I believe it was california and it was if i’m correct It was like in a riot scenario where he was stabbed.
Do I remember correctly? He was stabbed like five times or something like that.
Adam Cloninger: I was thinking is more than that
Chris Gazdik: May I was going to say seven, but I didn’t want to play. I was thinking seven or eight Yeah, and the point about that is, when you experience trauma, that triggers and activates a lot of desperation towards what it is that you want.
You grow the most when you hurt the most. I’ve said that a thousand times. I used to love working in crisis work. We did a mobile crisis team where we’d go out on scene, you know, people’s houses or public places, and we would literally intervene in a crisis scenario. And I loved [00:55:00] doing that because I didn’t have as much of an understanding that I have now, being much more experienced than when I started out.
But still, even when I started out, I knew That I’m interacting with people in crucial moments of their life that absolutely, like, full on trigger the changed behavior, the changed direction, the, you know, kickstart to a major life goal. Trauma sucks. But you can use major dramatic events in your life, whatever they are, to trigger and push you into creating what it is that you want.
You know, the colonel didn’t make a piece of chicken, I love saying, until he was in his 60s. You know who the colonel is, right? Kentucky fried chicken didn’t even exist until he was like late in his life. I don’t know what triggered that, but I imagine all the other things that happened in his life prevented that.
And then what did you say?
Neil Robinson: I said hunger. [00:56:00]
Chris Gazdik: Probably was a little more than being hungry, but yeah, it’s certainly true So you’re saying
Adam Cloninger: he went from it would be nice to have some good chicken to I want some good chicken exactly Okay,
Chris Gazdik: I’m gonna make it I’m gonna make it So what else we say with great Zay Graslie in in wrapping up the show before we try to?
Hit at least one of these other ones We’re not going to hit the whole show, but closing thoughts about Zay Graslie and resiliency, anything
Neil Robinson: great guy. I think it’s definitely deserves what he’s where he’s at now. And I think it’s great to see, cause he talked about also helping a lot of people. He talked about that one young kid who want to come to the show and I was a bar and he’s like, yeah, come on.
And even though it’s fantastic, like it’s, it’s, he’s a great, great guy, great personality. I think it’s a fantastic story.
Chris Gazdik: Awesome energy.
Neil Robinson: And I’m just, I was actually really, really. Had a good time with that show.
Chris Gazdik: That was one of my funnest. Honestly. Yeah, I gotta say
Adam Cloninger: he just said hello And thanks [00:57:00] for mentioning him again on the show.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, cool. Yeah, man. Good deal. Absolutely Adam choose one of these other ones on the additional shows. We’ll just do a comment or two. I don’t know How many i’ll try to review in the future. I want to
Adam Cloninger: hear more on that the danger of losing yourself I know you kind of touch space on it. If you want to pick something else I can do that
Chris Gazdik: the danger.
Okay You from what I recall and what I know about the topic, I guess I’ll just sort of wing, wing it. It is really easy to find yourself in a place where your focus gets really splintered, fragmented, and lost. We We struggle with what it is that we focus on choosing that which actually is another one of the the four synthesized pieces of volume one on through a therapist eyes That book I took all the chapters and I put them [00:58:00] into Similar categories and I came up with those four things And focus points was one of them, you know when you’re when you’re When you’re focused on all the struggles and focused on failures and focused on barriers, you just, you lose what it is that you even desire and want and all the other things we’ve talked about with resiliency and motivation and ambition.
You just get stuck. I see so many people day in and day out, you know, getting stuck from, All of the negativity that’s around us. I mean, our political environment right now is so toxic in the United States, but that’s not a United States specific thing. There is so much political toxicity around the world in France.
And where are some of the big things that have just buzzed up? I mean, Brexit in England has been just so back and forth with, with populace of people. So when you get focused on the wrong things, you lose. Yourself, but there’s another big area the second area [00:59:00] that occurred to me when we were talking about that show are the roles The the roles that we take on, you know, you know, we’ve talked a lot about the lost decade Adam You know, you just get so focused on being a parent That you completely lose all the things that you enjoyed about life previous.
Because that’s your main drive, and that’s your main role. And mamas want to be the best mamas possible for their babies. Daddies want to provide for the family. And then you just get into this rat race, where that’s all you do. And you then lose, ultimately, really important key pieces of yourself. That you pick up later on in life, y y y you know, during the, Elderly years, you know, what is it our time the air quotes around like well now we need to recover ourselves So there’s a there’s other things that comes to mind, but those are some of what I think we talked about It’s it’s easy to lose ourselves Neil when when you have so many competing pressure points
Neil Robinson: [01:00:00] I think, I think that’s the key you have to look at.
Cause you can’t talk about like the lost decade kids, blah, blah, blah. But honestly, a job a new friend, a hobby, like it’s very easy for you to lose yourself in, in so many different things in it and it can really can happen. pretty fast. You know, you go to a new job and you get a big project that comes down the pipe and you kind of, your focus just becomes on that project.
You know, that’s one of those things you do. It’s really easy for you to forget about what you need or what you want. You know, going through that, that it’s very simple, like lose yourself in the last decade. That’s really long 10 years, right? But we used to say for six months. I’m so engrossed in this project or this work.
Like I really don’t have a chance to even do anything to help me recover, do my self care. Right. We’ve talked in our self care. Yeah. Yeah. Like I mean you go a month, a month happens and you just like what, what just happened and I just didn’t really do anything except work, work, work. So
Chris Gazdik: easy to lose your workout routine.
Mhm. You know, when you’re tied into productivity at work, yeah,
Neil Robinson: you’re going through, you know, a [01:01:00] sickness or you’re taking care of someone like there’s, like I said, doesn’t have to be a big, huge thing, but it’s very easy to slip in that you just really just become whatever you’re doing or whoever you’re with and not really.
Be, you know, keep track of what you need or what you want. I, that’s, that’s one of those things you gotta think about that. It’s not always a big life event. It’s always just what’s going on. Is that really what I want to do? And where, where did I go during that time?
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, good stuff. Good stuff. Yeah, a lot of shows to review.
You know, it’s kind of funny. We, we’ve done a lot of shows. You know, we didn’t do a review for a little while and I’m just looking at all these things like, you know I hope that people out there can realize tell a friend because you know, if you like our content You know, we really do cover a lot of different things and and we pull them together So you know, I hope that you’re enjoying that closing thoughts We’re going to get out of here today and I don’t know see if we can go trick or treating adam What do you think?
Adam Cloninger: I mean some candy would be really good right now. It really would wouldn’t it?
Chris Gazdik: There’s got to be some candy out around somewhere neil closing thoughts
Neil Robinson: I [01:02:00] think we should cover resentments next on the next month in review. We got to talk about resentments So I think that’ll be good We’ll add that we’ll add those two to the next three and try to cover those
Chris Gazdik: Oh, you want to you want to make sure we do 287?
I think so I think
Neil Robinson: I think we can start trickling them in and catch up by next month. So trust me. I’m good I can procrastinate I know how to catch up pretty well Don’t forget
Adam Cloninger: next month is thanksgiving. That’s on a thursday.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, is it? So that’s my
Neil Robinson: kid’s birthday too, actually
Chris Gazdik: on thanksgiving
Neil Robinson: You had a
Chris Gazdik: baby on Thanksgiving?
No,
Neil Robinson: he was a Black Friday baby, but he does have a birthday every once in a few years. On Thanksgiving? On Thanksgiving, yep.
Chris Gazdik: Oh, wow. So,
Adam Cloninger: I’m assuming we’re not recording that night.
Chris Gazdik: Probably will not record on Thanksgiving, but maybe we’ll try to do a special time show on the weekend. Or something like that.
I don’t know, we’ll figure that out.
Neil Robinson: Figure something out. Yeah, we’ll figure something out. Good catch on that one.
Chris Gazdik: Listen, we hope you enjoy the ride. Stay with us. We got a lot more coming in 2025. See the rhyme Adam, did you hear the rhyme? That wasn’t bad. Take care. Stay [01:03:00] well. We’ll see you soon