Craig takes the lead again and this time he talks about the effects of your mental health when you have a purpose. At the start of the show, he goes more in depth about the effects of nose breathing and how it should be the foundation of your daily practice. He walks Chris through how your breathing exercise is a great time that you can use to evaluate your current state and look deeper into you purpose.
Tune in to see Your Purpose Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Listen for the following takeaways from the show:
- Craig starts by further breaking down the benefits of nose breathing over mouth breathing that he started in Episode 164.
- There is more to breathing then how you do it, but also how many breaths you take. Think about your breathing patterns when you are scared and anxious versus when you are relaxed and calm.
- James Nestor has a great book called Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art.
- Moving onto your purpose, Viktor Frankl wrote a book called Man’s Search for Meaning.
- Frankl had developed Logotherapy – logos means “meaning” and he was able to put this into practice during his time in concentration camps.
- It is important to understand that your career is probably not your purpose.
- You can use the 3 P’s (Passion, Principles, and Purpose) to ask questions to help guide you.
- There are 4 categories under these 3 P’s: Mediation, Contemplation, Subconscious, and Review.
- These questions are a port of the longer process that you need to go through.
- Once you go through these questions, tacit knowledge kicks in and your brain will continue to process even after you stop focusing on them.
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Episode #166 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] Hello, this is Chris Gazdik. You have landed on through a therapist, eyes, the podcast, where we invite you to get personal insights from a therapist directly in your car or personal time in your home. See the world through the lens of a therapist, but be aware this not the delivery of therapy services in any way.
You can help us out. We love doing the show and I thank you for listening. So we have a an anonymous voice this day. That’s going to help us tell you how to help us. How do they help us? You can definitely give us five stars and subscribe to our podcasts on your favorite streaming. There you go.
Rock in it and you can contact us at contact@throughatherapistseyes.com. You got gotta leave us an email. Craig. They gave us some some emails and stuff and questions and we couldn’t respond, man. Yeah.
Craig Graves: Why don’t you read them on the show?
Chris Gazdik: Well, well, [00:01:00] I get, well, I think we did with the one that did, what did we do with that, sir?
Neil Robinson: You have respond, but the question was like, how do I contact you? Or how can I like talk to you? And it’s like, so it wasn’t really a question. It was just like, Hey, you know, can I ask you a
Chris Gazdik: question? Well, yeah, but it was
Craig Graves: that. How do I ask my questions? Can I ask you a question? So
Chris Gazdik: we couldn’t, we couldn’t.
So if you do contact it through a therapis s Eyes we love interacting with you. Please. Definitely let us know how to contact you though. Listen, Mr. Graves, you knew what we do here, the human emotional experience, and we endeavor to figure this out together, right? That’s right. And we have, as you hear he’s back, y’all the bold, the beautiful, the amazing Mr.
Craig Graves
Craig Graves: getting a little crazy this time,
Chris Gazdik: it wasn’t as good as the old and beautiful. Oh, you’re not, you’re beautiful. You got a beautiful day, dude. You are a beautiful person. You are an absolutely a beautiful person. I know, I know this man. Well, and he is back with us
Craig Graves: when people say that kind of stuff, I say it’s [00:02:00] because you don’t know me yet.
Chris Gazdik: I know you though, man. I know you. So you were with us and to help the audience understand why it was what we did. 1 65, we just recorded. And so you were, must’ve been show 1 64. Do I have that right? I think we have head nods. So episode 1 64 Craig gave us a bunch of teaching moments about the coaching program that you’ve been doing and that we’re going to start out by revisiting some of those things.
So you probably definitely want to click back in and hit the, the, the first parts of that show and breathing and stuff, because I think there’s some additional things that you wanted to cover. Housekeeping items though, as well. We got our, our timing kind of screwed. Neil, I haven’t even talked to you about this yet, but we recorded late cause I was sick and we recorded on a Sunday and we didn’t get that out last week.
So that’s what happened. We’re going to give ourselves a little bit of a cushion and then on Thanksgiving we usually record on Thursday. So I think I made the executive decision that we’re going to take a week off, give ourselves a break for the Thanksgiving holiday and, and say, you’ll see that gap there as well.
And then who knows [00:03:00] what happens for Christmas and new year’s I hopefully I’m going to be on an island somewhere. Something, are
Craig Graves: you going, you’re going to take a trip.
Chris Gazdik: Seems like we can’t get anything scheduled to put the, the idea I think by newest ideas is to go down somewhere on the coast and maybe take a deep sea fishing tour.
Dude.
Craig Graves: That sounds awesome. Yes, that sounds really cool. I want to be
Chris Gazdik: somewhere you and Lisa. Just the four of us. Yes. The trip family trip. We started doing some different things lately. You know, we, we went to snowshoe West Virginia. On Christmas day, we were on a cruise boat on Christmas day. It’s this kind of cool.
You know, the kids are old boat. It’s snowshoe. No two different trips. Oh no. We want to do a boat. That would be cool to take a boat down the ski slope and
Craig Graves: that wouldn’t be cool. You’d have no control B. It’d be bad. Well, I’d be strapped.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Okay. Could be
Craig Graves: okay. Well, you stepped in and right into a tree
Chris Gazdik: that takes me back to my kid on suicide hill, but we do [00:04:00] digress.
All right. So let’s launch into today. Before we do man, catch us up. You, you told us on episode 1 64, what you’re doing, how people can contact you. You’re like a, the fearless Mr. Coach now international, right?
Craig Graves: Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. You know, wininyourmind.com is just kind of how you can get in touch with me.
You know, I didn’t say this last time, but, but what I’m doing, Chris is I’m taking that mastermind that you’re a part of and expanding that for small business owners and incorporating these concepts. We’re talking about into that group and I’m the great group by the way. Yeah. We’re going to take it to the next level.
We’re going to really focus on building some good relationships in that group. And we’re going to train, you know, On all five of those mountains we talked about, I’m not sure if we talked about all those or not, but we’re going to go out to California and do a 20 X together as a group. And so it’s going to be amazing, dude.
Not with our group, not with our group, at least not. I know one of our group went into it.
Chris Gazdik: That sounds terrifying. So you’re [00:05:00] seriously going to take a trip. That’s a, that’s a cool concept. Seriously. I won’t get that because I know what you’ve done out there. I mean, that is, yeah. So
Craig Graves: it’s definitely about building relationships.
And if you go 12 hours with a cadre of Navy seals working together to get through that event, you’re going to come out of that thing with some, with some relationships forged by fire. So that’s what we’re looking at. Yeah, that’s pretty. It’s going to be awesome.
Chris Gazdik: That’s honestly, y’all if you’re listening to this man, and you’re interested in that group that he’s talking about, that is I would submit to you without a doubt, unquestionably, a life-changing event.
Craig Graves: Can you speak to the benefits of the group itself? Right? Because we, we developed, we create this group four years ago and we’re still meeting every Tuesday morning, even now there’s eight of us who get together and talk about business and life and everything is you’re replaceable.
Chris Gazdik: It’s an irreplaceable life experience to be able to have a group of people that you can really rely on, count on, talk to learn from, grow with.
Yeah, right. Yeah. I already gave you a good spot for that though. You did. I used
Craig Graves: that. Haven’t used it yet, but I [00:06:00] got it. That’s
Chris Gazdik: my back pocket. It’s in the back pocket. What else you doing with coaching?
Craig Graves: That’s my primary focus right now, I’m working with some one-on-one clients and I’m also leading a boat crew for commander Divine’s organization, unbeatable mind.
So those are some of the things I’m doing, but my main focus is putting these masterminds together. Should we
Chris Gazdik: get the anonymous voice again and go, wininyourmind.com, we could either she’s shaking. She’s done. I think that’s over. We’ve passed. That’s cool. So we’re talking about a really cool topic. I think tonight it is after the review pieces, we’re going to get to it.
It is, I don’t know how to really highlight that. The, the, the importance that is in my mind about understanding your purpose in life. You know, you, you, you have so many barriers and so many things you’re thinking about in the day to day that it gets you away. [00:07:00] The important things. So, you know, I did that rhyme, right?
Like the purpose that you have in your life drives how you act, how you operate, how you think, how you feel, how you pray, how you play. It’s just, it’s a big part of the way that we live is that, is, that sounded like a, like a true enough and strong enough statement.
Craig Graves: I think it should be. Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: there should sound like a big word,
Craig Graves: which means, I mean, I think we’ll get there, but you know, I, I talked to a lot of people who are successful by society’s standards.
Who’ve never even thought about what their purpose in life is. You know, they’re just going through the motions and, you know, live in life when no direction, direction. Right? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. All the things you said are absolutely true. A hundred percent, but a lot of people have never even thought about it.
You know?
Chris Gazdik: It is a simple question, right? Here’s a takeaway. Here’s a question to ask yourself, what is my purpose? In my life now, or what is my highest [00:08:00] purpose or my top three purpose. Any of those variations are a you’re right? Probably questions. People never ask. Yeah. So we’re going to hit to that, but we want to do some clarification stuff.
What did we
Craig Graves: we talked about the big four last time, which is breath control, positivity, visualization, and micro goals. Should I thank
Chris Gazdik: you for not testing me on mental toughness on the big four.
Craig Graves: Dang. I should’ve, I should’ve tested you. I didn’t even think about that, right? Yeah. You failed. I blew that one, but anyway, we talked about a couple of things during the show there that I really feel like I needed to revisit because I didn’t give, I didn’t give real good answers.
And the first thing I wanted to bring up was mouth breathing versus nose breathing. So you said that, I think what was it? You were doing some kind of therapy practice and yeah, I was
Chris Gazdik: surprised at that. What I was surprised about is in my therapy circle. It is deep breathing is kind of taught where you take your deep breath in, and then you push your lips and you [00:09:00] breathe out
Craig Graves: through the mouth,
Chris Gazdik: through the mouth.
And it occurred to me because I’ve talked to you about this before that that completely misses a big part of what proper breathing is through the nose.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Yeah. You know, I’m, I’m trying to think of why that would be because I’ve, I made some bullet points and did some research on the, on the benefits of nose breathing versus mouth breathing.
And I was listening to an interview with a guy named James nester, and there’s a guy who Wim Hoff. No, you’re the training guy. Okay. So Wim Hoff is this Swedish dude, man. And he’s kind of become popular, especially on the internet for his breathing practice. And he’s a big, he’s a Sweede and he’s this big personality and he’s just, he set like 26 world records for crazy stuff.
He like climb Mount Everest in his shorts, you know, and long, longest swim under, under the water, under ice, you know? Oh, wow. And anyway, so Joe Rogan was talking to this guy named James nester who wrote this fascinating book about breath. [00:10:00] And he’s like, well, why does whim teach to breathe through the, why is he talking about the mouth?
Because whim breeze, his practice is breathing through the mouth. And Nestor said that most people, 25 to 50% of the population breathe through the mouth really. And what happens is if you don’t use the nose, it, it closes up. And so what whims doing is just getting people to breathe. He wants them to take that big gulp of air.
So it’s not bad… through the mouth. Well through. Well, it is if you do it long term, but what the point area is is most people can’t take a big breath through the nose. So I’m wondering if maybe this therapy thing you’re talking about is because most people can’t take a big breath through the nose or it could
Chris Gazdik: be it that’s weird to me. There are people that, because I told you before, I mean, playing the trumpet in high school, I think, I don’t know when I started really breathing through the nose, but I’ve usually been a good nose breather.
And that taught me as I’m breathing in and out and marching on the field. I mean, I would breathe in through my nose and [00:11:00] be able to get a big, a lot of air there. Yeah.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Well, not everybody does, everybody’s a mouth breather, but some people who are, can not take a breath in through the
Chris Gazdik: nose. And I’m glad we covered that because those are the types of things that you wouldn’t think about when you’re trying something new.
And that’s an important part that if you’re struggling with that, there might be like a learning process with that.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Yeah. So if you don’t use it, you lose it, right. That’s an old saying or whatever. And the same thing with the nose. If we’re not using the nose, it’ll, it’ll close up. Wow. Yeah. So 20 to 25 to 50% of people who are chronic chronic mouth breathers.
And so these guys did this study, James nester, this, this author, this book, and this other guy went to Stanford university and they were talking to this guy about the benefits of nose versus mouth. And he said, well, you, you should do a, you should do a research. You know, and the guy’s like, well, I would, but it’s kind of unethical because he knows the, the, the detriment of, of chronic mouth breathing.
So these guys volunteered to go 10 days without, [00:12:00] without breathing through the nose. So they actually took, they actually plugged their noses shut there and shut their noses off so they could not breathe out of their nose for 10 days. He said the first night they immediately started snoring. They developed sleep apnea.
Their blood pressures went up like 15%. Yeah. They became morphic more fatigued. So all these things started happening as a result of these guys, just chronically breathing through the mouth. That is, yeah. Yeah. So if, if you’re the one that, you know, if you’re the 25 to 50% who are chronically breathing through the mouth, then blood pressure is high.
You know, your oxygen intake it and good. There’s a lot going on there. Sleep apnea, you know, a lot of sleep problems are result of mouth breathing at night
Chris Gazdik: . And I said, no, you said coughing. You said snoring. I wonder how much look there’s so much of the emotional world that blends and mixes with the mental or the physical world.
[00:13:00] And that’s a good example. There’s probably very much some psychological things about nosers mouth breathing. I would
Craig Graves: submit. Yeah. So some of the benefits of of nose breathing, you know, the nasal. It’s about the size of a billiard ball. So if you opened up your face right here, holy cow, put a billiard ball in there.
Really? Yeah. And what’s what it does is it’s humidifying the air. As you breathe in through the nose, you know, the air is getting humidifies, getting filtered, you know, as it goes up through the what are those lines? The hairs in the nose nose. So it’s getting filtered, it’s getting humidified, it’s getting it.
The, the air is becoming warmer. It’s being conditioned for your body is being conditioned for your body. And you actually take in 20% more oxygen. I keep covering my face. I think 20% more oxygen from breathing through the nose than breathing through the mouth. So you can actually breathe less, but taking in more oxygen, that is absolutely fascinating.
And there’s also you know evidence or research kids [00:14:00] who chronically breathe through their mouth develop. It’s called I wrote it down here. It’s called annoyed. Their faces become. And yeah, and that’s, he goes into it in the book too, but that’s some of the reason why our teeth are also crooked because we’re mouth breathing and it’s changing the shape of our face.
It actually changes your skeletal structure by chronic breathing through the, through the mouth.
Chris Gazdik: Well, you know, I like to dumb things down in my simple brain. I know this is enabled to be dumbed down very easily, but to speak sort of broadly about it. I I’m willing to make a bet. I’m going to go out on a limb here and make a bold statement that our emotional self is probably very much.
Not understood, not known yet, even maybe smarter people than me and you know it, but very much affected by all that goes on in breathing through the nose, because we know that the parasympathetic system is very much soothed and deescalated and calmed down [00:15:00] when you breathe and you breathe deeply.
Release the tensions that are in your body, that, that fear chemicals, that oxygen based oxygenation that goes through your nose. I mean, there’s there, I’m trying to say that there’s probably a whole lot going on there that we haven’t even found out yet. It comes neurotransmitters, neuro processing. The whole nine yards probably starts a whole lot by
Craig Graves: breath.
Yeah. You know, and as I was going through this, as I was looking back over my stuff, I didn’t find I didn’t find it. Not, not that it’s not out there, but I didn’t find any scientific literature that said that you don’t tap into the parasympathetic breathing through the mouth. But I did find some stuff that said it promotes the sympathetic nervous system.
So if you’re breathing through the mouth, that’s gonna, it’s gonna, it’s gonna elevate your state of being, if you’re breathing through the mouth, it’s going to hit your sympathy. Which is more of the fight flight or freeze. Oh, gotcha. If you’re breathing through it, I mean, try to take a deep breath through the nose versus the mouth and tell me what, tell me what works best.
So if I [00:16:00] close my mouth,
Right versus, you know, it just, it’s, it’s a different, it’s
Chris Gazdik: a different spirit, Craig. I mean, we’re just, this is hypothetical, I guess right now, but when you’re running from the bear in the woods and whatever, you’re probably breathing through your mouth because you can get more air
Craig Graves: and you exercise and over exert yourself, you’ll probably will fall back to mouth breeding at some point,
Chris Gazdik: thus triggering your fight or flight system to survive that.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Yeah. And you do get into a fight or flight when you’re exercising in that fashion too. Right? Yeah,
Chris Gazdik: it’s fast. I tell you what breed
Craig Graves: is love really is man. It’s fascinating. And sounds, sounds ridiculous. Right? Cause I’ve been breathing my whole life. Right. There’s a lot. There’s a definitely a lot to it.
Chris Gazdik: The man behind the curtains got the mic. Yeah.
Neil Robinson: I want to, I want to validate Craig because we’ve actually with both of our boys, you know, they’re 12 and 15. We actually went about a couple of weeks where we actually would sit around the table and we would do the nose, breathing the box breathing and it helped my oldest so [00:17:00] much.
Oh yeah. And then of course we fell off the weight, you know, fell off the wagon. We stopped doing it. But his attitude, his anxiety, his stress, his anger, it really helped him deal with his day. And so I definitely, if you have, especially boys, I’m sure it works with girls too, but try that, just do the box, breathing through the nose with your kids.
Even for just, I think we only did like five times, five or 10 times. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a huge difference. Kuda.
Craig Graves: It is a huge difference. And the interesting thing is even people who are skeptical at first, after they sit down and do some breaths, they’re like, wow, that did, that did work. That is pretty cool.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. You’ve seen that in your coaching sessions. I bet, right? Yeah, absolutely. We’re going to sit down for 20 minutes. Yeah.
Craig Graves: You know? Yeah. I did it on one of one of our calls in the morning and one of the guys on the call had me log on to his business meeting or after our call was over and lead his team through a practice.
Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. You know another thing too, man. It’s when we sleep, you know, we, we might not consciously be able to breathe through the nose. [00:18:00] So one of the things I do, Chris is tape my mouth. Well, I’m sleeping to force myself to breathe through my nose. I’ve been doing that for years, man.
Brought it out, man, you brought it up. You brought it out. You do let
I take my mouth shut. I meant to bring my tape in so I could show them so I could show it on video tape, my mouth shut. So to force myself to breathe through the nose in the while I’m sleeping, practicing sleep eight hours a day. And
Chris Gazdik: I’m so glad that you were courageous enough to do that because people might say, oh my God, why don’t you do sure.
See your faces in the cameras and stuff here. But that is awesome because let me tell you something. I will feel that in a therapy session, when I’m doing breathing as a young therapist, I felt weird and you’re like, I’m going to put my hands on my belly and I’m going to show you how to breathe. And I really had to get over that.
So to be confident and comfortable in, in trying and doing these things. And so the step that you just took that I want to highlight is being able to kind of demonstrate, like, look, I may tap my mouth shut. That helps me train my brain and body to [00:19:00] do what I want it to do. And that’s not silly. That’s not weird.
That’s like being proactive about implementing something that you know, is valuable in your life. So that’s awesome. Thank you for that. Yeah.
Craig Graves: Yeah. And you know, some of the things we just talked about lead us into the second point that I wanted to bring back up, and that was, that was the frequency of breathing.
I feel like I didn’t do a good job. Chris. So I said, if you breathe in 16 to 20 times per minute, you’re going to put yourself into a beta state. And you’re in your, your brain waves are going to go into a beta state, which is going to throw you into a fight flight or freeze response. And if you slow that breath down, you begin to get into the parasympathetic or alpha state and you create those states.
I can create those states on demand, right? So if I’m sitting here right now,
Chris Gazdik: breathing through your nose,
Craig Graves: I’m going to be in an alpha state. If I start to speed that up
Chris Gazdik: really quickly,
Craig Graves: I’m going to put myself [00:20:00] in a flight fight or if I can feel it coming on, feel it. I
Chris Gazdik: know when you do that
Craig Graves: can definitely feel that coming on.
So if I’m unconsciously breathing that way, and obviously I was what do you call it? I was emphasizing. Yeah, but if I’m breathing 16 to 20 times per minute, Then I’m going to be in that, in that beta fight flight or freeze state. And if I’m sitting around doing that 12 hours a day, man, what’s that doing to my blood pressure and my, and everything else.
That’s going on. I’m up in my
Chris Gazdik: body. Yeah. And I did it. You, you had mentioned as well when you’re sitting at your keyboard.
Craig Graves: Yeah. .
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. And I, and I, and I noticed that a little bit because you’re, you’re, you’re thinking you’re typing, I’m doing my progress note at the end of the therapy session. And it does change the way that you operate.
And I, I mentioned to you, I think that we should do a study on driving. Cause I think when people are driving, they’re also changing their breathing rates and not realizing it because that’s more anxiety
Craig Graves: probably while we have all the road rage. It’s a part. Yeah, definitely. So practice do your breathing practice while you’re driving.
Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: For real you re [00:21:00] because what’s, you’re doing is you’re resetting yourself and that is an purposeful action that has a purposeful result and it’s not weird. It is like awesome. Right? Yeah. So we ready for purpose.
Craig Graves: I think so, man. Right. Let’s get to it. I wanted to cover, hopefully we did a good job with that.
Chris Gazdik: I think so. Yeah. We’re good on time too. I was wondering about that too. So, because purpose is a big topic. It
Craig Graves: is a big topic. And I included a quote in here. The quote is from a guy named Victor Frankel. Frankel is no, sir. Frankl
Chris Gazdik: was a actually heard, you mentioned him before.
Craig Graves: Yeah. We’ve talked about him before.
Frankl was a prisoner in the concentration camps in Nazi, Germany. It’s crazy. And he was also a psychiatrist. Okay. And he wrote many books, but a man’s search for meaning sold. It sold millions of copies worldwide. And it talks about his experiences in the concentration camps. And one of, one of Franklin’s quotes, he said that it is the desire to find and create meaning is the primary motivating force [00:22:00] in a person’s life.
It’s the one thing for which a person is willing to live and die. Hmm, live and die for purpose. Right?
Chris Gazdik: So what the mental note, Neil, can we get that on the show notes, the book list, we haven’t added a book to the book list that we’re trying to get on our sites. So that’d be a good one to add. What was that again?
And his book, a
Craig Graves: man’s search for meaning. That sounds like a good one. Viktor Frankl. Yeah. And he’s got some video there’s some videos and stuff for him on YouTube doing interviews and talking about talking about
Chris Gazdik: this. Yeah. So if you’re in your car driving, listen to this, you don’t have to write it down.
We’ll have it on the website.
Craig Graves: Yeah. So Frankel actually developed, he was a psychiatrist and he actually developed a a therapy called logo therapy and logo means meaning. So his practice was to help people find. Meaning in their lives, you know, and his thing was a lot of people, like we just said earlier, they don’t date or they’re just living day to day with no, with no real purpose.
Now he had this manuscript in his [00:23:00] jacket when he was taken to the first camp. And I think the first one he went to was Auschwitz online. But he, he, he, he talks about moving around to different concentration camps during the, during the first part of, of that book. And then the second part, he gets into more about, about the therapy, about logo therapy and what it was.
But, you know, I guess maybe being in that concentration camp, put what he was saying to the test. Oh yeah. Because he realized, I was just thinking that he’s living it. He realized that the people who had a reason to get out of there were a lot more likely to get out right now. There was some luck involved, right?
Cause you might have a, you might get your head crushed in by the butt of a rifle or God knows what, but the people that, that ended up surviving. You know, a large majority of those people had some reason to get out. His reason was to deliver this manuscript to the world and also to see his wife, which he did not know at the time had already had already been murdered by the Nazis.
Yeah. [00:24:00] So, I mean, what, how do you see meaning and purpose with in, in your practice, man? Well, I
Chris Gazdik: don’t know. In my practice is one thing I don’t think you can do more than understanding the value of purpose when somebody has a survival story like that, that demonstrates the sheer power of what it is that we’re talking about.
When you understand what your purpose is that can keep you alive through a concentration camp years, long experience. I mean, there’s nothing I can say that demonstrates more, you know what that is now, I think you’re asking, you know, in day-to-day life, how do people operate with that? Yeah. I mean, I think that when we’re.
You know, individual decisions and circumstances, life’s relationships, things that you’re trying to make a decisions about. You know, there are a lot of real day-to-day applications, but I want to kind of stay on the bigger picture of the power of this because when you, you know, there was a guy who [00:25:00] wrote a purpose-driven life made it around church circles pretty, pretty strong.
Craig Graves: That
Chris Gazdik: was Rick Warren, Rick Warren’s work, you know, and, and that really strikes a chord whenever you touch on this topic. And unfortunately it’s not touched upon enough. That’s why I was really appreciative if you bring in this topic because it’s powerful, man. It’s a big part of mental health.
Craig Graves: Yeah, for sure.
W well, you know, from your experience, do you think, I mean, are you like me? Are you surprised at the people who don’t have a clear, defined purpose, they come into your
Chris Gazdik: no, because I’m not. And here’s why, you know, I’ll ask another therapy question. I love asking at some point, you know, what does that mean to you?
Because I had somebody pose that question to me in a therapy environment. I was like, dude, I don’t have any answer. I don’t know. And I had really had to think about it and it triggered great exploration on my part. And so I will ask that question all the time, you know, what does that mean to you? Really?
And people look at me like cross-eyed and they’re like, wow, [00:26:00] I don’t know. What are you talking about? And that’s the same thing. When you ask the question, what is your purpose? I just don’t think that people are on, on that level with themselves very much so. No, I’m not, I’m not surprised at all, but we work with it.
Craig Graves: Right, right. Do you help people establish a purpose? I mean, do they come in and ask that or is that a, is that a direction that you go,
Chris Gazdik: it’s a direction that I’ll go, but you know, it’s funny. I was just thinking, see you all on our forms, you know, you come into a first therapy appointment and you have an initial.
Form that you fill out that gives us the primary issues and people today, all this, I wonder, I want skills to manage anxiety. I would, I would like to learn how to cope better with my marriage or how to, you know, whatever. And, and I think doing this since 1995, that I think I can honestly sit here and say, I have never had somebody on an initial appointment questionnaire ask about purpose, then that’s something never, I don’t think that’s ever happened or a variation of that.
I’m trying to think [00:27:00] even a variations. I don’t think people think about it, Craig. That’s that’s interesting.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Yeah. To me, that is interesting, right? Yeah. I don’t think people think about that. You know, we’re not really programmed to think about those kinds of things. I mean, you think about the educational system, right?
You go to high school, then you go to, then you go to college and you pick some major that you may not have any kind of connection to and you spend the next 30 or 40 years slaving away. Building up for retirement, you retire and you die, right? I mean, it sounds morbid, but that is the way it is,
Chris Gazdik: I think I can go, you go, you a step further.
The VA I don’t get that question on the questionnaires, but I think I do get variations of frustration points, where people are unhappy with certain areas of life, where they think that’s their purpose, or they should be their purpose and it’s causing great distress. So that occurs
to me. Interesting.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Do you think people think their jobs are a purpose? [00:28:00] Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you stand on that? On that statement? What do you mean? Well, I do think that
Chris Gazdik: sometimes it matches sometimes it doesn’t. Right. Yeah. Which is part I’m sure of what the three P’s that you’re coming on and the exercise and con kind of trying to understand that.
Craig Graves: Yeah. And then we’ll talk about that in a minute, I guess. But you know, when you’re, when you’re thinking about purpose, you know, people confuse that with career, right? It’s not necessarily a career may help you achieve a purpose. So if my purpose is to bring health and healing to humanity, right, then I could be a doctor.
I’m going to be a nurse. I could be a, I could be. But therapists, you know, it could be a masouse. I could be any those things because I’m bringing health and healing to the world. So it’s not necessarily tied around a career. One of the things we talk about is arch types, you know, like Martin Devine would use the example of a warrior arch type.
So when he was a young man, you know, his, his, he had this warrior archetype. And so one of the ways that he filled that was, was going through and becoming an, and becoming a seal. [00:29:00] But you know, if becoming a seal is his purpose in life, you know, what if he gets hurt during training and he’s screwed, he’s got no purpose anymore.
Right. But if you’re looking at a bigger picture there, then you can still fulfill that same purpose in other ways.
Chris Gazdik: Well, yeah, no, I, I I’m picking up what you’re putting down for sure, because you, you know, what I was thinking is there are times when your purpose matches your career and therefore your career can be, you know, your purpose, but I hear what you’re saying.
I, I am in a transition as I’ve created this platform and it’s very different than what I was doing just with therapy. But it’s it’s of the same purpose, which is, you know, blowing up stereotypes about mental health and stigmas and disseminating information about, you know, psychology and mental health and how we operate.
And that can come out in different forms. I’m an author now. I never was an author before, you know, so the purpose is there and it can match your career, but there’s also, and I think this is when people get really unhappy or in tough spots when they have a [00:30:00] purpose, they might not even realize it, but you kind of know it in your spirit.
And I guess we’ll probably talk about that a little bit and your job doesn’t match that. And people get very great levels of dissatisfaction for them.
Craig Graves: Yeah. If you’re out of line, if you’re in a job that does not serve your purpose, that’s a way then you’re going to, then you’re going to hate that job and it’s going to be miserable.
It’s distressing. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you, how do you, do you work with clients on establishing a purpose and meaning in life? And if so,
Chris Gazdik: Hm. Sure. I do. I mean, it, it’s funny because I try to go where the client is when I’m meeting with them. So it’s not really on their mind. So it, it really comes more in length your work with people, honestly, when I find discrepancies and things.
So I got to say that probably not upfront enough. But when you get into those discrepancies, then it’s kind of like, okay, well, what really gets you excited about life kind of questions come out? [00:31:00] What, what, what do you really want in your marriage? Right? That, that,
Craig Graves: that comes out. You start asking questions, which is what we would do as a, is in a, in a coaching practice too.
Chris Gazdik: Exactly. It starts getting to it, but I don’t, I don’t think people start there. Yeah. I think people start there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yes. At least in my field. Yeah. Yeah.
I can see and, and see where you’re going with your brain with that, where you went during the coaching relationship. It starts out a
Craig Graves: little bit more just about any coaching programs, probably going to have some kind of purpose
exercise in it, you know, obituary exercise. You familiar with that one? Oh yeah. Yeah. You write down what’s your what’s your obituary is going to be. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. Do you all kinds of things like that? Actually the last session last, last, last recording, we talked about writing a love letter to yourself.
Craig Graves: Oh, not, not, not when I was here, but the last one. Okay. I hadn’t heard that one yet. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: That’s probably a pretty cool things like that, which gets at, you know, the, the points that were made with yeah. Before
Craig Graves: we go into how to, how to figure it out. Do you ever have people that come in here and say, yeah, man, my purpose is this, but I need your [00:32:00] help with something else.
I
Chris Gazdik: like a said man. I really, I don’t think that I do as much when people were thinking about their emotional self. I mean, there might be people listening to this show and calling me crazy, but it’s, it’s a part of the way you experienced yourself, but I don’t think people are on point with that. At first until you begin to get to know yourself until you begin to get some of the mental health barriers out of the way.
And until you begin to look at well, what am I dissatisfied with? And what can I reframe that? And repurpose that into what fills my passion. So we get into it for sure when you do emotional work with people, but I just don’t think people start out there very much, Craig.
Craig Graves: Well the way I mean, we talked about asking questions.
So one of the exercises that we have in our, in our program is the three P’S
Chris Gazdik: exercise. Okay. So we’re getting into, how do we
Craig Graves: figure this out? So if you’re [00:33:00] listening to the show and you’re like, man, I never thought about that either. How do I figure it out? You can ask yourself some questions there’s probably clues in your past.
That would point to would point to the answer to that question. And one of the tools that we use is something we call your your passion principles and purpose. And so we take each, we take clients through through a set of questions in each one of those categories. And once you start to find your passion and principles, it begins to point to the purpose.
And then when those three things become aligned, you know, that that point you tore your towards your, basically your one thing, mission in life.
Chris Gazdik: Gotcha. Yeah. The three
Craig Graves: P’s the three PS your passion. So some somebody I’m just going to maybe read some of the questions and maybe, maybe you can answer some, if you want to, or, or, or give your, your thoughts on what they are.
But you know, w what are you passionate about in a way that defines who you are
Chris Gazdik: so you want to go back and forth on these a little bit. I think we should park out a little bit on them each
Craig Graves: do whatever you want to that’s
Chris Gazdik: cool. Yeah. So what is [00:34:00] this one? This,
Craig Graves: yeah. What are you passionate about in a way that defines who you are? Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: See, you know, it’s funny because as we look at the depths of that, and I’m glad we set this up in the way that we did, because I think this begins to happen more in the exploration of a therapy experience.
Right? So let me back up in that. When I meet with somebody, you were asking me a lot of questions that were making me think a little bit, by the way, this real versatile thing that we did for a year and a half, you’ve got to be loving this. You gotta be loving it. That’s all right. You know, I really start with are almost feel like I want to write like a, an insight oriented therapy model.
I mean, you know, I can get rich maybe making a a new model of therapy that way, because, but I think it’s that big developing insights about, you know, what you’re coming in with. So I’m really in the beginning of a process, very organized around helping [00:35:00] understand, you know, look, if this is anxiety and it’s a condition, what does that mean for you?
And we learn a lot about the different types of anxiety, OCD, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, separation, anxiety, simple phobias, all of these things because they move around and you develop a lot of insight about yourself, right? And then people want to learn, you know, well, how do I cope with this?
And we might throw some coping skills in there, but really we go at more at what has been successful in your life. You know, where have you managed this well and where do you struggle? And then we look at like ancillary social and emotional relationships and things around that. And we begin to expand, right?
So we’re building, this is 5, 6, 7, 10 sessions in, and we’re, we’re building an understanding of life. And so then I see it as we get into a stage where we’re really now we’re working with it. We got some insights. We got some things that you do. We have some ways in your life that is, that are some ways or relationships in your life that are affected by this.
And then we [00:36:00] began to manage. These types of things on a, on a level like the question, right? Holy cow, the question is, what is, what is your life meaning? What, you know, those are, those are things that people, I don’t think come in to consider, but we get, we very much get to know that was a long-winded way of saying no, that was
Craig Graves: good.
And I think you brought up some, I think you brought up some good points there. It’s not a quick process, you know, you said 8, 8, 10, 6, 8, 10 sessions in, you know, this, this thing requires a lot of thought. So I would, I would go back to the one we did on tacit learning. Oh yes. Yeah. I’ve got a document here.
If you’re, if you’re online, I guess you can see it, but just three or four pages long with just a bunch of different questions on it. Yep. So what I might do, what the best way to probably do this is to work with a coach or even a therapist to figure these things out. But I would read through these questions and just, and just give them over.
Not subconscious mind. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Well, okay. Back up, people were going to get lost, then they need to understand that the tacit learning thing. So if we’re going [00:37:00] to do that with that constant,
Craig Graves: let’s go ahead and cover that. Okay, go ahead.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. And, and this is a show that you can refer back to. I think it’s awesome that you brought it up.
Cause dude, I’ve brought this up several times in my old school stuff, my own life and in my therapy practice, Dr. Ted Spickler, you rocked it when you hang, when you hung out with us. Okay. B might be already looking. W what episode was that? Neil is the question he came in and he talked to us about tacitly learning something.
And the easiest way that I describe this to people is by learning something new. And in that episode, we talked about riding a bike, right? You cannot write a manual about how to do that. And get on the bike. I mean, you can go super detailed, read an entire book about every single step to learn how to do this.
Put the kickstand up, sit on the seat, put one foot on the ground, put another one on the pedal, get somebody behind you, push you, whatever you can go. Super detailed. [00:38:00] There is never going to be the possibility where you read a manual and then you jump on and you ride a bike for the first time, not going to happen because your body has to experience what’s going on.
And he helped us learn about tacitly learning, meaning your subconscious, your brain is pulling what it sees, what it hears sometimes what it tastes, what you feel. And it’s incorporating all of that information to figure stuff out for you. So when you’re falling and skinning your knee, Pushing and you go a foot and then three foot, you’re picking up so much information with all of those failures and your body is figuring it out.
You don’t even know it’s doing it. It’s literally doing it for you. Yeah. So that’s tacitly learning how to, how to do something. You got that episode that was episode 58, 59 and 60. [00:39:00] Okay.
Craig Graves: Yeah. Chris, you frame that in the context of learning something new and I, and I agree with you. I will say this, my kid, my son, when he was a little kid, he saw somebody riding a bike with no training.
No. And he said, Hey, I want to ride two wheels. So we took his training was off, he jumped on the bike and rode off really
Chris Gazdik: well. He had already been riding with training wheels or whatever. He just
Craig Graves: rode off. But, but, but one of the things he said, you talking about learning something new and I agree with you a hundred percent.
But he also talked about like, if you’re trying to solve a problem, like a math problem, I think he used the example of a math problem. Right? If you, you know, eventually if you turn it over to your subconscious mind, you’ll get it. You’ll figure it out. And that happens, right. We have these problems and we can’t figure out what they are.
We walk away. And then we’re, you know, we’re watching, we’re watching TV, you’re doing something. And all of a sudden the answer pops in our head, and what’s
Chris Gazdik: really cool to watch is when I’m working with somebody and I have the distinct privilege and honor of being in a therapy relationship with somebody, [00:40:00] and we’re talking about a topic and the next session we talk about a topic and maybe a third or fourth session, we’re talking about a topic.
We might not even cover that topic because it’s a troubled relationship for two or three more sessions. And then we talk about it again and do you know, what’s happened that whole tacit process has gone on, and then they get boom, that moment, that aha, that connection
Craig Graves: where they finally get it.
Chris Gazdik: Yes.
That’s so funny. It’s funny. And sometimes it’s over like many months I’ve had that
Craig Graves: happen with people. I had a boss like that, so I mean, this other guy would present an idea to this guy and he would act like he didn’t even hear us. Right. And then we’ll do it again. And again, and again, we’ll finally he’d say, Hey, what if we did this.
Let’s do it. That’s the thing we’ve been saying, you know? Yeah. So, yeah. But, but the thing, the thing is, is, you know, when we put these things into our mind, our subconscious will continue to churn on them, even when we’re not consciously thinking about it. So if I’m going through something like this, I’ll read those questions and just, you know, and just put [00:41:00] them there.
Don’t have to have an answer. Don’t have to have an answer and then I’ll go back and put pen to paper and start writing down some things that are coming up. And then I’ll go back and look again, and I may change some of those answers or go deeper. So the point I want to make is it’s not something you’re going to sit down and do in one shot, right?
Yeah. Right. Yeah. It takes, it does take time, you know, and that’s okay.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. That’s, that’s thorough. It is honestly is happening anyway. Right. Like I said, this tacitly learning stuff has, it blew my mind and I was really thoughtful about it on an emotional level, how we’re working through our emotional turmoil.
Craig Graves: Yeah. I would even argue that. Just, just knowing that the purpose is is a thing. Wouldn’t help people to start thinking in that, in that way, when it’s
Chris Gazdik: brought up, you start thinking about it.
Craig Graves: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Do you want to go some more? You want to read some more of these and see, see where it line, where you land.
So what makes you feel as if your hair is on fire, besides the fire,
Chris Gazdik: besides a fire? So [00:42:00] this is this is a thought provoking set of questions that begin to be gearing you to think about a
Craig Graves: purpose. Yeah. And these are, these are your passions. So we’re thinking about passions, things that really, that we’re really passionate about that really drive us.
What unique skills or talents do you have that you love to use and make you feel different? If you won the lottery today, what would you do differently? What would you do if you won the lottery? Chris?
Chris Gazdik: I love that question because honestly, I it’s why I believe my passion is lined up with what I do. I would decrease my clinical hours.
Oh, it would buy a nice car. For my wife and myself, I’d probably get a boat or a jet ski. And that’s a, that’s a minimal amount of stuff. But besides decreasing my clinical hours by five to 10 clinical hours a week, I would absolutely continue working during therapy, probably [00:43:00] brand the through therapist, Oz thing.
Definitely put some money behind that. Cause we, we need money behind that and continue launching further into what I’m doing. Yeah.
Craig Graves: Yeah. That’s a great answer. I love to hear people say that because that means you are where you’re supposed to be. Right. I hear people say, oh, I’ve travel. Right. You know, I would, I would just travel the world.
Right. Eventually you’re gonna get tired of traveling and living out of a hotel. It’s not fulfilling, you know, eventually you’re gonna want to come back home and settle in, what are you going to do then? You know, that’s, that’s the question
Chris Gazdik: so interesting with this question, if we can stay with it for a minute.
Yeah. So. There’s a, there’s actually an alcoholism relapse prevention tool that we use in therapy all the time for substance abuse. And it’s think the drug all the way through. Okay. What that means is, well, first of all, what people do when they’re trying to get into recovery is they’ll fantasize, you know, I’m sober, man.
That was awesome. When I hung [00:44:00] out with the guys, I was in the bar shooting pool and these ladies were walking around and it’s, it’s just so much fun, man. This is great. I really wish I could have a bear to hang out there
Craig Graves: that guy didn’t have a purpose.
Chris Gazdik: Well, well, probably not, but, but that, what I’m getting at is that’s the minimized window that we look at and the idea of think the drug all the way through, as a relapse prevention tool, so that you’re not caught in fantasy or minimizing things or getting it glorified, you think it all the way through anything.
Yeah. I’d hang out with guys and then shoot pool and to be some cool girls around and the game would be on a relaxed, but then I wouldn’t have a ride home. I’d probably drink more than nine tended to drink. I’m late. I’m screwed up the next morning. Now I’m dead the next morning. And I don’t produce well, and my wife’s pissed off at me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right. And so if you think that all the way through. You get a much more picture and boom, the craving gets crushed. Yeah. And [00:45:00] so I thought of that when you’re thinking, well, what would you do with a lot or you, right. You’re going to get these responses, these crazy flippant responses. Well, I want to say, when you’re doing this passion work, you want to think that really all the way
Craig Graves: through, that’s a good point.
I’m going to use that and never thought right before. Yeah. You weren’t
Chris Gazdik: heard that before you went to think that all the way through and use that skill to really get at, well, wait a minute. If I got that great CEO position I would make a lot more money. That’d be great. And you, you just minimize it, you just glorify it, but you’re not really thinking, well, I would be working 80 hours a week.
I’d be having all these responsibilities that I don’t
Craig Graves: have to miss my kid’s game. You
Chris Gazdik: know, my kids and family is my passion. So it would actually, if you think at all the way through completely destroy something, that’s your passion potentially. Absolutely. Right. So
Craig Graves: yeah, that’s. That’s what was a very good point.
So those were the passion questions. So we’ll move on to principles is what is it that you truly value in life? And that’s, that’s, that’s a good one. Right? What are you truly value in Chris? [00:46:00]
Chris Gazdik: Well, what do I truly value? I don’t know how simple when it goes. Yes, yes. And the penguins that are playing tonight and hopefully they win.
No, I think I’ll give a soft answer on that because we can go in that for a while. I mean, I’ve thought about that. You know, I, I do value the close relationships that I have, you know, a value, you know, there’s a lot of the religious perspective that I try to live by that I just snot on that
Craig Graves: maybe a little bit,
Chris Gazdik: but then there are
Craig Graves: other things that are important, you know, I think you’re there on the next one.
How can you move toward those things? You truly value in a way from the things you don’t value as much. So that’s, that’s one of the questions. Any, any thoughts on that one keep going, what do these values say about what you’re passionate about? Did these values point to an overarching purpose in life?
Can you make a habit of the big positive values? So they become part of your character and in your destiny. [00:47:00]
Chris Gazdik: So, interesting thing on this is I’m trying to do it real quick on my phone. I love when I’m thinking about these things to get definitions, right? Because the things that we’re trying to understand, sometimes people don’t really understand.
Even the starting spot. So the question that popped in my mind that I didn’t want to catch us either cold on is what does value even mean? Right. So think about this, the regard that something is held to deserve to deserve the importance worth or usefulness of something, that’s the definition of value because when you started answering, are you going through those questions?
I think sometimes people don’t, people don’t really understand what it means to value something in an emotional way. I mean, I know the value of a dollar. I know the value of a pizza, but how do I place a value on things that I’m passionate about and how do I [00:48:00] match up what I really hold as important in my life with what I’m doing.
And that’s an involved process. Does that make sense? Yeah. That’s why this work is so deep. Yeah.
Craig Graves: Yeah. That’s, that’s a good point. There’s, there’s some of those things that people probably aren’t clear on, like the definition of that word. Right. So, yeah. All right. Your purpose and one thing, this is the next section, the third section, and the final section of this thing.
What have you been conditioned to think you were supposed to do with your life? Can we pause there? Yeah, please.
Chris Gazdik: I’m going to go back into the old role here. Get your brain to think you’ve been hitting me hard, make me work. What does that, what does that do in your mind when you go ahead and read it again?
Craig Graves: Okay. What have you been conditioned to think you’re supposed to do with your life? Right.
Chris Gazdik: When you think about the way you grew up, when you think about. What you’ve been told when you [00:49:00] think about, Hey, I’m a guy I’m supposed to do this. I’m a woman and this is supposed to be my role. You know, what does society, how does society influence us to subscribe to what is told to us?
If you think about that for a minute, does that make sense? Look, the more, not a hundred percent, the world tells us what we’re supposed to do. The world tells us what we’re supposed to value. The world tells us what we’re supposed to be passionate about. The world tells us a lot of ways, what we’re supposed to believe.
Craig Graves: I think, I don’t think it tells us what to be passionate about, but I think it tells us what to believe and what we’re supposed to do and stuff like that.
Chris Gazdik: Well, think about one of our American cultural ideas that pops into my mind, right? It’s supposed to be strong, independent, Merica, independent. You, you, you, you live on your own brow kind of thing, which is cool when somebody that is really true.
I mean, I’m not, I’m not trying to poke a hole in any particular belief or whatnot. I mean, I have [00:50:00] scribed to a lot of those things myself, but what about being a part of a group, part of a community, part of a function or part of a movement, you know, that, that speaks against, you know, the independent, you know, you, you work on your own kind of mentality.
I think that that can create some passion for people that my whole point here that I wanted to pause on is I feel like there’s some dangerous realities that we, that we miss when we’re not thoughtful about what we’re taught, what we experience and how, what that drives our belief systems and stuff, you know, when it comes to which one are we on purpose, right?
Yeah. You know, you think about growing up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional family. Okay. My purpose is to survive. Okay. That’s what my life has taught me. That that’s the only purpose I can get through. So when you have blocks. Through experiences or through life lessons or through cultural meanings that you have to weed through what you’re being given as your [00:51:00] purpose.
Craig Graves: Yeah. That’s yeah. Make you think a little bit. It does make me think, you know, because I think some, some of that stuff, man, is left up to the interpretation of the individual, because like you use the example of the alcoholic home. Some kids use that as, as motivation to go out and become somebody, you know, some kids end up just like that.
So there’s that thing in there somewhere where you do make the decision on your own about how you’re going to respond to the
Chris Gazdik: situation. Oh, there’s absolutely a tacitly learning process. That’s going on there too. Yeah. That’s how, you know, an NBA star has made a CEO out of a, the imposter syndrome. Yeah.
Craig Graves: I do think overall there’s a, there’s a path that society defines, go to school, go to college and then get a, you know, go get a good job.
What’s your toll, you know? Yeah. And that’s what I was free college and stuff. It’s about these days everybody’s got to go to college. I don’t think, I don’t think that’s the path for everybody. No, not at all. And so I think, you know, my dad, [00:52:00] you know, he used to say, Hey son, how did it go in school today? And I’d say, I went good.
Dad. He’d say good. It’s important for you to get an education so you can get a good job. Yep. He said that he said that every day and I’m like, dude, if you set up one more time, we’re going to hear the word I know. Right. I’d love to hear it now, but I mean, you know, the back and then I’m like godly what? He’s shut up.
He never said, Hey, what are you? What are you passionate about? What’s your purpose? What’s your purpose in life? You know, what
Chris Gazdik: are you going to do? What really drives you? And that’s what these questions are really kind of getting at it. It makes you think in a different way. I think that we’ve got to be careful about what’s in the way of what we really want to think about is kind of my main, what do you mean by that?
Well, like I’m saying, you know, if somebody tells you, you know, you have to go to school, that’s what you have to do. That gets in the way of what you think about internally as your purpose, because I’m doing something wrong. I’m doing something against what I was told by my dad. Yeah. You have to [00:53:00]
Craig Graves: yourself, you know, and that goes down a whole nother rabbit hole, because then you start doing stuff to please your parents, or to please your whoever right now.
Well, they said I’m supposed to do this, so I better go do it. Right. Instead of thinking for yourself and making your own kind of decisions. Exactly. Right. Dude, everybody thinks college is the path. Right. I know a kid that graduated with Jonathan just this past, you know, whatever it was, dude, this guy has got a landscaping business.
He is crushing it. He’s got all his stuff paid for. He don’t have any debt, you know, he’s 18 years old, man. He’s making money hand over fist. I mean, he’s a
Chris Gazdik: lot of kids are kind of going that way. I think it was cool. I know
Craig Graves: your boys pretty a pretty driven kid,
Chris Gazdik: right? Yeah. Right. He is. He’s doing different things and yeah, it’s, it’s theirs.
But again, society might begin to be changing that. Can we almost call it assumption, you know, your, your family, your culture. Creates assumptions. I’m not a cultural expert around the world, but [00:54:00] we have a lot of listeners, you know, in different countries and those cultures drive the purpose that you’re told that you’re supposed to have.
Yeah. And sometimes that’s great. I’m not poo-pooing that, but sometimes that can get in the way of what really answering these questions that you’re teaching us can, can provide for your thoughtfulness about like literally your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you got any more questions?
Craig Graves: What is the meaning of life, Chris?
Chris Gazdik: What do you know bunny trail?
Craig Graves: What do you think you’re really supposed to do with your life? Right? Is there a tiny voice of deep doubt within you suggesting you are on the wrong track? I would say a lot of people have a huge voice screaming at them. Wake up is that same voice nudging you forward with a sensation that you were on the right track.
So that, that question would be, is the [00:55:00] voice that’s telling you you’re on the wrong track or wrong track nudging you on the right path. I think that’s what that one is. What one thing do you think you’re here for? What, one thing would you focus on if you had nothing holding you back? And that’s a good question, right?
Well, what would you do if failure wasn’t an option. If you had all the money that you needed to get it done, is there something that you would go, go and pursue? What would you do differently if you had one year to live? Right. That’s a powerful question. And then finally write your epitaph from the perspective of having fulfilled your one thing and lived your purpose in life.
Epitaph kind of goes back to that obituary.
Chris Gazdik: Yes, it does. Yeah. Right? The, the, the power behind these kinds of questions, and these are, you know, for young therapists out there, you know, we can, we can take some of these things and begin to frame those into the exploration that you’re doing when you’re looking at somebody’s life.
So I think that we can, we can use these in whether [00:56:00] it’s a, an emotional capacity in therapy or whether you’re just talking to your friend and working things out. You know, some of these questions are bar Barstool questions, right? I mean, people have asked the, you just read one of the last ones there that made me think of that.
It’s like, oh yeah, these are what people think. Well, you’ve had one life to live or one year to live. What would you do? Right. Those, those kind of questions are fun. They’re on game shows. You know barstools but understand in the, in the three P’s, when we’re talking about what is your purpose and passion in life, they’re very pointedly making you think about, you know, what’s going on, right?
Yeah. So here’s what I think I want to do. We’re we’ve still got some minutes left, but I think I want to go through each one of those and just read through them and let the audience hear those questions in rapid succession to begin thinking about it. And then we’ll wrap up together, wrapping on what, what our brains have been thinking.
I want to read them this time. Yeah. Well, I’ll do the first one to do the second one. How about that? I hear a different voice. So your passion is
Craig Graves: first gonna get me confused here. Yeah. Your [00:57:00] passion passions
Chris Gazdik: first. What are you passionate about in a way that defines who you are? What makes, what makes you feel as if your hair is on fire, besides a fire?
What unique skills or talents do you have that you love to use and make you feel different. And if you won the lottery today, what would you do differently? Those are your passion questions.
Craig Graves: Okay. So you want me to read, okay, I got it. Now. I thought you meant you were going to read a question. I got you. All right. So what is it that you truly value in your life?
How can you move towards those things? You’re truly value and away from the things you don’t value as much. What do these values say about what you are passionate about? Do these values point to an overarching purpose in life. Can you make a habit of the big positive values? So they become part of your character and then your destiny
Chris Gazdik: and the last one is purpose.
Right? What have you been conditioned to think you’re supposed to do [00:58:00] with your life? What do you think you’re really supposed to do with your life? Is there a tiny voice of doubt deep within you suggesting you’re on the wrong track. Is that same voice nudging you to forward with a sensation that you’re on the right track.
What one thing do you think you’re here for? What one thing would you focus on? If you had nothing to hold you back, what would you do differently if you knew you had one year to live and write your epithet about, or from the perspective of having fulfilled your one thing and lived your purpose in life?
You know, look, I don’t know what all of those questions do in your mind, but what, what, what the, what centers in my mind is the depthiness that these simple points of passion and purpose, you know, what it, what it creates in your life. Like for me, like I said before, as the top show, I feel like I come across this when people are in [00:59:00] discrepancy and it is despair, Crick.
I mean, it is sometimes disgust. And resentment and anger and hurt that people have as just destructive forces in their life. And when you read those things out and you do this work, man, this is freeing. I mean, this is you turn on when you start figuring these things out. It’s a, it’s a big deal.
Craig Graves: I agree with you a hundred percent logotherapy, man.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. That’s what he, that’s where a lot of this comes from him. Yep. So I’m curious in your coaching with people, you know, in as much the same way I was drawing that out and what I seen at therapy practice, I mean, you start out with a lot of this.
Craig Graves: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always start with the foundational breath practice because a lot of these things, a lot of these questions can be answered in those breath practices that we talked about when you’re just sitting in silence.
You know, you’re probably not going to [01:00:00] figure much out if you’re sitting in front of Netflix. Right? So you use that silence man, to, to figure out what these answers are.
Chris Gazdik: The meditation interesting. Say, say more about that. Meditating, visualization, silence. I feel people get frustrated with that and they probably heard you just now, but they’re kind of like, wait, wait a minute.
What do you mean before you think about that tacit Lea learning process? We talked about it a little bit ago. Yeah.
Craig Graves: And yeah. You know, those, those things are going to be in your mind, but you know, one of the things we, we promote and talk about is sacred silence. If you will, it’s just being quiet and being with yourself and listening for those answers, you know, and they’ll come up.
I mean, how many times have you gotten a bright idea in the shower? Right? Because you’re just in there with the water running, you know, and you’re just alone with your thoughts, you know, you’re not you’re not watching Netflix. You’re not, you don’t have led Zepplin crank as you’re riding down the road with the windows down.
Like I like, I like to do, you know, so, you know, it’s just taking that, taking some [01:01:00] moments to have those silent moments, you know, the trail. Yeah. Right,
Chris Gazdik: right. Out of trail hiking a little bit and get back into it because man, when I’m, when I’m in the woods and going down a trail and I’m by myself, especially, I’m just, my brain is just free flowing,
Craig Graves: yeah.
We talked about the difficulty of sitting and doing a breathing practice for some people just go somewhere. And like you said, on a trail where it’s quiet and you can just be in the moment and and sit with those things, man.
Chris Gazdik: Probably not the safest thing, but I like getting in my kayak alone, you know, as well.
Well, yeah, yeah. All right, dad, you know what? You just reminded me of, you know, that commercial that they have, that it’s like, you know, the, the, the insurance guy, the progressive insurance, he’s trying to make help people not become their parents. Oh Lord. You were just on that commercial man. That’s a good one.
That’s hysterical. Yeah.
Craig Graves: So, you know, I give my father a hard time and put some days I’m like, Jesus, you’re just like him.[01:02:00]
Chris Gazdik: Commercial is golden man, because we absolutely do those things. I love it when somebody, you know, the lady sitting in the, in the airport and, and, and the guys running down the hallway to get through his plane, she’s like, oh, it looks like somebody should’ve left a little bit earlier.
It’s just classic. I think it’s good. So how would you summarize us up Mr. Graves with a, what are the whole three PS passion purpose
Craig Graves: principle, I guess in summary, man, I would just say to be aware that That they’re there and begin thinking about them, because like you said, you know, that that puts you kind of on the path of better have better overall mental health.
Right.
Chris Gazdik: That’s one of the things our show is about, and that’s why I really appreciate what you’re doing. Craig, we’re not going to see you for five more months. This is going to be a long time. How are you going to make it right? I don’t know. We’ve got a couple of other co-hosts. One of them makes fun of the way I say Co [01:03:00] Hosts, we’ve, it’s funny too, but because this show is really about your mental health and how you’re managing life.
And I just appreciate what you’ve been doing, my friend, and I’ve been able to watch you, you know, grow in this. So, so I said, you’re not the perfect co-host anymore because you know, too much. You really, you you’ve been studying this stuff and whether it’s with a coach or whether it’s with a pastor or whether it’s with a therapist or really a deep, close, trusted friend that you can get a lot of safety built in around that relationship.
I want to qualify that because this work is best done when you can really safely explore these things. And when you do get your passion and purpose and principles figured out, it’s just huge. I’ve tried
Craig Graves: to draw. You know, it really is. And what I’ll say is if you’re interested in doing this thing, then go to my website and contact me.
Right. And I’ll S I’ll send you this PDF and I’ll even work with you for a hour or two for free. [01:04:00] Awesome. If you want to talk through some of these, some of these questions,
Chris Gazdik: I appreciate that. Yeah. That’s really cool of you, Craig. I appreciate that a lot. Yeah. So through a therapist’s eyes tribe. You heard it for free that session or two on purpose principles and passion with Mr.
Craig graves
Craig Graves: mentioned the show. When you sign up. Oh, you
Chris Gazdik: got to say through a therapist and that’ll, that’ll clue him in and memory. Yeah, that would be it. That’ll that’ll trigger his memory. Y’all have enjoyed you, Craig. Guys, we’re going have a a break with Thanksgiving. I’m not sure when this one’s going to come out, I guess.
Well, we’ll figure it out. It might be after Thanksgiving. So nevertheless, around the world we’re in the holiday season with Christmas and Thanksgiving in the states anyway. And I just want you to have a safe, happy, Merry Christmas and enjoy the holiday seasons. I know they can be stressful. They can be tough times, but they can be really wonderful and beautiful times too.
I hate to hear for me, hoping that you make this holiday season a wonderful time for you and your family. So take care and we will see you guys next week.[01:05:00]