After a couple weeks, we are ready to go in 2022 with co-host and fellow therapist Kasie Morgan. Since it is a new year, she decided it was important to discuss resolutions. She starts by giving us a quick history lesson where they came from and then she talks to Chris about why resolutions are a struggle for people. She then finishes by giving some recommendations on how you should pick your resolution to make them more successful.
Tune in to see New Year’s Resolutions Through a Therapist’s Eyes.
Listen for the following takeaways from the show:
- Chris talks about Ben Roethlisberger, his life path, and the changes he has made.
- What do you think the Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions are that most people commit to?
- Remember that growth does not mean it has to be overwhelming growth all the time.
- You can’t make a change without managing your mental health status.
- You need a growth mindset to make this successful.
- Resolutions were started by the ancient Babylonians when they either brought in a new king or reaffirmed their loyalties during the 12-day religious festival known as Akitu.
- Authenticity and Enough are two words that Kasie wants you to get in this episode.
- The resolution needs to be deeper than the goal you set.
- To start you need to look at how you go to this point.
- You will have better results when building yourself up versus taking things away.
- Start with what you are like today and not what you were like. End with what you want to be like in the future.
- Kasie provides you with Improved self-loving language.
- One thing you can do is reconnect with the parts you truly enjoy.
- You need to commit to you and that you are enough.
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Episode #170 Transcription
Chris Gazdik: [00:00:00] I would describe that view. Y’all welcome to 2022. What about that? Yeah, so I I just kinda wanted to do that. The, the, the audio, the audio people are probably listening to this, like, what is he talking about? What’s why is this herky-jerky in the beginning? Cause I just wanted to start off the YouTube, a video of through a therapist’s eyes episode this week with a, an, a little ode to Ben Roethlisberger.
So if you’re only listening to the audio part of this on the podcast, Spotify apple iTunes, we’re everywhere now. All right. Well, almost everywhere. I just showed a a copier, a look of on the YouTube video of the back of my shirt, which has Ben [00:01:00] ROthlesburger. And there’s a reason for that.
So let me start out with, this is almost kind of current event is, is what this relates to. So I had an amazing experience and there’s an, there’s a clinical point to this. So I’m sure a lot of our folks are not really aware of football or pay much attention to it that live listened across the world, in our country and stuff.
So bear with me with the football components of this, but I thought it would be a cool way to start our show with a current event. And it has a clinical point, like I said, kind of towards the end of it. So here we go. Monday night football. Was amazing. And it was amazing because of the many times that I’ve told my wife, for instance, it’s not the wins and losses, it’s not the sport and the competition and all it’s, it’s the stories behind the sporting event.
It’s the, the characters, the, you know, the, the, the events, the experiences that go on. And so as [00:02:00] y’all know, I am a Pittsburgh Steeler fan at heart always have been. And I really like have had the experience of watching this guy, Ben Roethlisberger play for the Pittsburgh Steeler for 18 years. Kasie, that is 18 years is the longest stay with any franchise of any player in the NFL.
Did you know that? Right? Furthermore, in that time span, they’ve only played two games that have not had playoff implicated. Two games through 18 seasons where, you know, the playoffs hadn’t been on the line. And now again, in sports, that’s just unheard of that. That’s that’s those are crazy statistics.
Yeah. And so that is just to demonstrate what, what Ben has meant to Pittsburgh, Steeler fans and Pittsburgh Steeler franchise and, and the whole culture that goes along with that. So simply just as a fan right now, for just a moment, if you bear with me, [00:03:00] I will never made me meet Ben Roethlisberger. I proudly, you know, whatever, I’m just a fan of nobody, but I do have a platform that is built on through a therapist eyes.
And I decided after that game that I just wanted to say, thank you, thank you to Mr. Ben Roethlisberger for what you have done and what you have meant. Not in wins and losses, not the Superbowls, not the all pros and the Canton hall of fame. That’s probably going to come, but for, for what you have put out to the community and what it has meant.
And I, and I would imagine. He has no idea what that really actually is. I mean, one of my best friends for instance is my best friend. We all know him from episode three, Aaron Clark. We bonded through the culture of Pittsburgh Steelers. Right. So what happened on Monday night was just amazing. I thought it was a cool current event.
Again, there’s a clinical point to this. So bear with me a little bit longer. He played his last game as a Pittsburgh Steeler in the home field of Heinz field. And. [00:04:00] And he wasn’t even going to make it about him and was just going to play the game and just wait till the end of the season to announce things and only be back up.
He has been a little bit of a lightning rod in the mental health way as well. There were charges against him with sexual improprieties early in his career. He was a young guy. Really had a lot of struggles. I mean, he was young dumb immature with a crap ton of money going out to bars and clubs and acting like an idiot so much.
So I can say that, I’m sorry. As a fan, he acted like an idiot so much so that I personally was like, okay, look, you you’re acting out. You’re stupid. I’m not even rooting for you. Love my Steelers, but I’m not down with you. You have to be three years straight clean. If you will, from. Not substance abuse issues, but from just nonsense.
And he accomplished that. So I would be a fan again of Ben Roethlisberger, but I pledged never to even call him a clock. You know, they call a big ben. Right? Well, I refuse to do that for his entire career up until about two days before the Monday [00:05:00] night football, because they were talking about reflecting his career and how he’s grown, how he’s matured, how he’s come around, how he’s come along, what he’s done in his mental health, I suspect.
And so they asked what’s one word that would describe how Ben played. And he, that was big. And I was like, okay, wow, wait a minute. Big personality. Yeah. But big heart. The guy’s been injured over and over and over again, he played this year without an offensive line, getting crushed and killed. He played big.
And so I now, and I’m so glad that I can call him big Ben, but for a very different reason, because what his change process was through that whole time and watching his story closely as much as I can.as just a fan So money night ended with this amazing display of emotion. Go figure the through a therapist eyes is going to key in, on all of the emotional dynamics going on, right.
It’s guy into the game. And it was like 20 minutes after the game. He still just like walking around Heinz field, literally like [00:06:00] not knowing what to do, just weeping and crying. And he sat down on a bench where previous year Markey’s Pouncey, his close buddy retired in a terrible game of being kicked out of the playoffs.
And he just sat there, head down like soaking in the moment. And he talked about how he wanted to just take some time and soak in the moment and be present with what he was experiencing. And I thought it was a great display of mental health. And finally his wife and kids came onto the field, holding hands, hugged, did that whole thing.
And you had this, this picture S movie version of, you know, Ben Roseburg. With the sign on his back, holding hands with his family, his kids, his wife walking, finally leaving the take of field, you know, walking down the tunnel. I was so emotionally charged that evening. That’s why I decided to do this and the, the, the mental health component here.
The endearing part is, look again, if you don’t know football, we have [00:07:00] carried an attitude of you have to be strong. You have to be, you know, ice in your veins. Non-emergent. Powerful on the field and command and control of everything around you. And it’s just garbage. It’s not true. So feel how you feel about Ben Roethlisberger or the Pittsburgh Steelers.
That doesn’t matter. What really matters is what is displayed by being genuine and allowing your emotion to be seen by others. I have governed given a couple of current events about the NFL, making some strides to accomplish that it was an article that I’m not going to do, but they, they talked about mental health.
I mean, people are taking mental health non-football injury related absences from their team. For this very reason. We have a guy I documented in current events that you know, his his, his cousin or his dad died or something in a car wreck and he hadn’t played. And that’s great. So can we follow that lead and, and allow [00:08:00] people to see our emotion?
Can we follow that lead and, and, and find a way to be genuine in our experiences with other people and have a back and forth an open ended component to us with people that we are in relationship with? I think I hope the answer to that is yes. You know, you, you go as far away from a professional locker room to get role models.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard that said before, and I totally agree, but we can take things like that and I think learn from it. So it was a crazy experience. Kasie, what do you, what do you,
Kasie Morgan: so, I mean, one as a avid fan of football in general, but also just sports teams in general. Like I. Was really attuned with you in that moment.
Just thinking through how much you love the Pittsburgh Steelers and what that moment meant for you as an avid fan. Like I like, I’ll never forget when, you know, Dean Smith retired as the head basketball coach NC tarheals. [00:09:00] Like I’ll never forget that. Just like I’ll never forget the name of the guy that made the free throw.
When Chris Weber called a timeout in the Michigan national championship game in 1993, like these monumental things that kind of consume us and we really connect you on a different level. And I think that that’s really important and something that I do love about the Steelers nation and Mike Tomlin and that whole generation of athletes that have come through there is that there’s an uncanning presence of teamwork.
They have never once, in my opinion, Set out to buy a championship, but they made an investment in Ben Roethlisberger. And so I think that that was that’s true. That’s an investment that paid off because for 15 seasons, they haven’t had a losing season. They’ve had a couple of eight and eight years, but not not one losing season.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, it’s it’s, it’s absolutely insane. So the pandemic has begun to bring my dressing attire, even in my work down a little bit. So this is prob this is like what I would wear at home. So this is, this is just me. [00:10:00] And so again, thank you, Ben Roethlisberger for what you’ve done. And in honor of him, I’ve got the shirt on.
I’m going to do, I’m going to do the show with my hat. I know it’s an ugly ass looking ass.
Kasie Morgan: I love it. That’s that that’s that fan gear that you can’t replace, you can never replace the hat. No, I will have this hat has been with you through a lot, apparently as evidenced by the dirt stains and sweat rings around it.
Awesome,
Chris Gazdik: man. Sorry for the appearance. If you, if it bothers you, but it’s a it’s, what’s going to be today. So welcome to by the way through therapist’s eyes, right? This is a podcast where you get a personal insights directly from a therapist. In this month, we have two therapists in your car or, or in your home therapists have the book still out, understanding emotions of becoming your best self see the world through the lens of a therapist, but be aware it’s not delivery therapy services in any way.
Contact us at contact at through a therapist’s eyes.com. [00:11:00] So this is the human emotional experience. And I can’t tell you how excited I am for 2022 to figure this thing out together with you guys. As a matter of fact, this is a really good time to connect up with. Okay. We have the website. I would really say, get, go to through a therapist, eyes.com and get on the email link because we’re, we’ve got some new things that we’ve developed.
We, we ended up 2021 with doing these Facebook lives with adding some video, doing the YouTube thing. And so we’re, we’re proving that we are actually doing some new things in some developing things. And you have landed on a platform that I’m super excited about. I got a lot of energy to engage with and I promise you, I will make this pledge that 2022, we really are going to do additional new things and begin to grow this thing.
And I I’m just so appreciative of you being with us. You have made us want to continue doing the show throughout the world. We’ve got downloads and, and you’re, you’re super, super valuable to what we [00:12:00] do. So help us. Help us to spread the stigmas and stereotypes being blown up about mental health and substance abuse and disseminating information.
That’s our goal. So get on the email list through a therapist dot com. Definitely the five stars and you know, the likes and comments on the webpages and stuff too, that helps out helps. So we are doing what we got new year’s resolutions. This is Kasie’s month. She’s back with us.
Kasie Morgan: I am back. Guess who’s back, back again.
Chris Gazdik: What is the phrase I was supposed to read? Kasie is the co-host with
Kasie Morgan: the most, yes. I even put a smiley face emoji beside of that, for those who can’t see the show notes to let you know that that was a point of emphasis.
We’re
Chris Gazdik: going to keep that in 2022, we’ve got a re arranging a co-host once a month, we switch off.
So we’ve got Kasie back and I guess we’re, I don’t know. Are we really talking about new year’s resolutions or I feel like it’s a different culture that we’re going to go at with this. [00:13:00]
Kasie Morgan: You know, that with me, nothing is as it seems, right? Like
Chris Gazdik: really that’s the
Kasie Morgan: title and the way I want to emphasize that is really does there need to be new you that kind of thing?
So, yeah. Yeah. I mean it tees itself up, right. For show content for the first shoe show of the new year to talk through this concept of resolutions. But I can guarantee you that this is not about, you know, some kind of wrote show about making a resolution and sticking to it. This is
Chris Gazdik: resolutions. Can I say that off the get, go?
Yeah, say it. I don’t like themGood. Great.
Kasie Morgan: All right. Without looking at your paper though, pop quiz, what do you think are the top five new year’s resolutions across like all the lists that people can have?
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. I’ll be curious what you found with that, but to me, right? Like it’s the things we don’t like about ourselves.
Okay.
Kasie Morgan: So, I mean, this is, this is a for real question, like try to name one of the top five that people often say [00:14:00] easy. Yeah. And we lost weight
Chris Gazdik: finances. I would imagine. I, I don’t think it would be on there, but I think that people and the relationships, you know, with their marriage being primary, that that would be, is that one of the five,
right?
Kasie Morgan: Like living life to the fullest with my partner really
Chris Gazdik: that’s five. I wouldn’t thought that to be on the one with the five, but, well, dang. I’m like three for three. I gotta get the other two. What’s the other two. I mean, I think it’s like finances. We got finances, weight, personal marriage. What, what else?
Well, exercise.
Kasie Morgan: Oh gosh, you are doing really well, but that has to do with weight. Yeah. The last one was weird, but a lot of people apparently.
Chris Gazdik: Okay, I’m going to, I’m going to keep my four for four status. I’m gonna keep my perfection, not
offer enough organized, organized, right. Like getting my life together kind of thing.
Kasie Morgan: And getting organized. Yeah. So really good job. I’m actually really, really impressed that you literally got four out of the five and the fifth one was kind of an outlier and kind of a [00:15:00] catch all of getting my life together. But yeah. So Hey, the sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s ass every day, though.
It’s
all about the Steeler gear. It plays, it
plays terrible. Pat got
Chris Gazdik: one. Absolutely. I should have brought it out, dude. I could have gone overboard, man. I would have my Steeler helmet here. My towel, you know, kind of lift back. I might’ve gotten the banner replaced up here. I mean, you know, I could have got crazy.
I didn’t want it. I think I went over the board already.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. And so, you know how I like to incorporate definitions and stuff too. Whenever we do do the podcast. And so I do want to kind of talk through. The concept of resolution and where it came from and things like that. And so I think we get hung up.
Oh, go ahead.
Chris Gazdik: Let’s go a little broader with that though. Real quick with, I mean, cause I think you’ve got something about the Babylonians coming up, which is really, I’m anxious to hear what on earth this comes from, but just off the get go here, I feel like, you know, [00:16:00] people will tune in and they’ve already got the flavor that this isn’t going to be a normal resolutions kind of conversations.
Cause I, I feel like from a mental health perspective, it’s, it’s, it’s really different than, than what people get portrayed and new year’s Eve and you know, the top five, this and that and all the things that you are hopeful for. And I’m really kind of feeling like, what do, what do resolutions mean to you clinically?
Yeah, to me. They’re kind of things that clue me in to like, what are people really unsettled with? What are the things that are, that we need to kind of be dialed into in, in this person’s life kind of, so to speak. And that’s that’s why I kind of don’t look at making resolutions. I look at making self-improvement all through the year.
I know that’s cliche ish, but I really think of it that way. W what does it mean to you with clients and resolutions that they’re kind of dealing with and trying to reconcile? Yeah,
Kasie Morgan: I think that’s a perfect segue into exactly what I was getting ready to say, which [00:17:00] was that I think we get stuck on the definition of resolution with the term to resolve, right?
Like the quintessential definition of a new year’s resolution is either to pick up a habit that we want to keep or get rid of a habit that we don’t want anymore. We want resolve. Right. But I agree with you that, to me, The best part of like a resolution is the keyword, which is to, is a resolute, right.
Which is an adjective. And so if we are going to do something with resolution, it’s really less about adding to and taking away from, and more about living with some type of growth and purpose in mind. So what we’re doing is purposeful and that’s where we want to get to today. Do you have pepper
Chris Gazdik: that all through my book, honestly, the purposeful actions that you take to manage mental health, I mean, as a talk, a professional speech that I enjoy [00:18:00] giving is methodical management of mental health.
It’s like, you’ve got to have purpose in what it is that you’re trying to do with mental health and substance abuse. Yeah. And
Kasie Morgan: it’s about adopting a growth mindset and, and remembering that growth is not always overwhelming growth. Yeah, it can be that one degree at a time that one centimeter at a time, in fact,
Chris Gazdik: didn’t that were more stable changes made.
Absolutely. I mean, you know, major moments in our lives can make major change. Don’t get me wrong. I know that we hurt the most when we grow the most or we grow the most when we hurt the most. But I mean, yeah, man, that, that’s not what happens in a therapy room, is it? I mean, it’s incremental moments and little steps.
I mean, one step at a time, you know, people talk about, oh, just take a baby step. You know, it’s another big cliche, but it’s really true.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. And so I think all of that is going to be incorporated in pepper throughout the talk today. So that’s what I’m most excited about is to really focus on how do [00:19:00] I connect to purpose and how do I see that purpose lived out in my life this year and years to come, because I don’t want it to be just for a year, you know?
And I think that’s where we get caught up too. It’s like, oh, in 20, 22, I’m going to lose weight. Okay, well, do we have a maintenance plan? Do we have like a nutritional plan or is this I’m 10 pounds and I’m done and I gain and lose the same 10 pounds every single year.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s amazing to me when you’re doing a resolution and you might have some initial success, the emotional and the psychological, the mental health at the substance abuse.
If you will barriers that just boom, come roaring back and smack you at some point. If you’re not purposely dealing with that, you can’t make a change without managing your mental health differently. Can I make that bold statement
Kasie Morgan: really? Because what you can’t control is everyone
Chris Gazdik: else. I need to write [00:20:00] that one down.
You can’t make a change without managing your mental health status. Right? That’s a good one.
Kasie Morgan: That’s a really good one. That was, that was, that was pretty solid. Yeah. But yeah, so you can’t control. The situations that come up, how people respond and react to you and what they do. And so, because of that, when we make bold resolutions or we make things an all or nothing type of thing, when, when, when it becomes all or nothing like that, then the likelihood of us sticking to it and maintaining it as a focal point gets further and further away from being a hundred percent complete in our lives.
And so I think that’s why a growth mindset that has a purpose and connects to meaning is going to be beneficial.
Chris Gazdik: Okay. Here’s the thing. Y’all, I’m looking at the camera into YouTube. So y’all got to understand you. Can’t only tune into the months when Kasie’s here. You have to tune [00:21:00] into all the other months.
I know these are two clinical brains and she does an awesome job. The rest of the months are good too. No, it’s awesome. I do. I enjoy you. You that’s perfect. The way we’re setting this up. Listen, I got to hear about the Babylonians though, man. What are we talking about? Where, where did rev revolutions? Well, listen to me.
Where did resolutions come from? What are we doing? Babylonians. This goes back a ways.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. So when I was doing research for today, because I do love to research like where this junk even came from, right. Because. I don’t like to take anything just at face value. Right. Like I have to ask myself, like, how do we even get here?
You know? And so who am I and why am I here? Right. Existential questions. But the ancient Babylonians were really the first ones to have new year’s resolutions, according to history. And this is coming just from history.com the history channel. Right? Right. Yeah. So they, they had the first recorded celebrations in honor of the new year.
But they actually did it in mid-March, which is interesting, but that’s the whole, like [00:22:00] complexity of the calendar thing on the earth. Like we could do a whole show on that stuff. Right. And, and science
Chris Gazdik: brains, we have could go off on that.
Kasie Morgan: Right. But for the most part, they had seasons of the year based on the crops that were planted, which makes a lot of sense.
Right. Like what grew and what didn’t grow determined, what time of the year it was. And so they would crown a new
Chris Gazdik: king. My thing is when did that change? Don’t we still grow things. Yeah, I don’t I’m saying anyway.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. Well they would either. So the process would start with either a re crowning of the king that was already in rule, or they would crown a new king depending on where things were with that.
And then they made these promises to the gods to pay their debts, return the objects they had borrowed. And then that’s kinda what they, what started all of this was they are promises that they would
Chris Gazdik: make because these are negotiations with the
Kasie Morgan: gods. Right. And then it’s been just adapted and adopted over time through a lot of like [00:23:00] religious tradition and also like pagan traditions as well.
So. Every sector of the population. Basically, if you go back to the roots of the population, the roots of the culture, the roots of the ethnicities across our world, you will find very similar kind of offerings of sorts on and dedication to change.
Chris Gazdik: That is honestly, you know what, I’m just listening to you and what my brain is doing.
We got some great science and we figured out dopamine and serotonin and norepinephrine. I probably don’t even need to tell the audience around the world to thousands listening, right. That those are neuro-transmitters. Yeah. We’ve developed some science. We’ve developed an understanding. Do you think in 4,023, BC, the human emotional experience was that much different, right?
Like. I it wasn’t. And so human beings to me are just what we’ve always been a [00:24:00] conglomerate of our emotional, mental health and psychological makeup that operates in groups of people. And there we go through the eons.
Kasie Morgan: Right, right. Yeah. And I love that. And that connects to everything that I believe, which is, and you’ve heard this before from me on the show.
But also in clinical practice. And as you say, walking by my office, you know, and things like that is that our bodies have an implicit design, our nervous system, whether it’s 4,000 BC or 2022. Is designed to offer us the opportunity to regulate ourselves in different directions. So when we feel anxious, it’s, it’s on purpose.
When we feel low mood and our body tells ourselves to go lie down, it’s on purpose. And the hard part of that is, is that sometimes we don’t differentiate between what is dangerous to us and what is not dangerous [00:25:00] to us. And that’s where we find a lot of our mental health conditions, if you will, is because our biology is being overactive.
Chris Gazdik: If you just push, pause and rewind, hit that 32nd rewind button 2, 3, 4 times. And listen to that again. Yeah. There’s a lot of
Kasie Morgan: depth. Yeah. And so that’s why I want to continue to scream this from the mountaintops. This is not about what is wrong with you. This is the biological process of your body that just gets put into overdrive and makes you think things that aren’t necessarily true.
And that’s what we want to talk about when it comes to resolutions and connecting to purpose and things like that.
Chris Gazdik: Yeah. That’s cool. Yeah. Super cool.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah, but your body is designed on purpose. You are who you are meant to be on purpose and it’s okay. And [00:26:00] it’s okay. It’s good. And it is so good. But it’s hard sometimes, you know, we don’t want to neglect that everyone has an experience.
The human emotional experience is hard. Life is hard. Situations are hard, you know, if you go back and listen to our toxic positivity episode, which I thought was killer, by the way, it was really good. You know, we don’t want to negate that situations. Aren’t hard. And just leave this situation, say like, you know, love and peace that our body has got such a great year.
Let’s go, go make it the best you can. You know, you
Chris Gazdik: know what the, you know, what a good, a good metaphor for that would be. I’m sorry, I’m going to get hate mail for this. And I hope anybody at NBC or ABC or whatever it is, network that does the, you know, the rock new year’s Eve. Did you watch any of the rock in new year’s Eve
this year was, it was awful. Be in here. We turned it in for like four minutes and my brother told me about it cause he listened a little bit more of it. It was exactly what you’re talking about. Right. It was like, I, [00:27:00] I, they, they only allowed like 1500 people in New York, something like that. And they had the, you know, the, the, the party and, you know, the whole pig thing and the radio and TV personalities were like, oh, we’re so celebrate to where you could just tell.
They were just like trying to goose this thing up, who was so fake. It was. It was not genuine. I feel like in, in what was going on with Omincron. Right.
Kasie Morgan: Absolutely. And, and I think we can’t be in denial that there has been a lot of death destruction, like horrible things that have happened across the face of our planet.
It’s been a tough couple of years, you know? And, and so I think it’s important to acknowledge that, that people have had a hard time and that the culture of COVID has really changed a lot of things. And so where we are this year versus where we were in 2019 may feel completely different and that’s okay.
But but when it comes to getting to a place to where you feel like you are resolute, which means you are connected to a purposeful [00:28:00] determination in your life, that is what I want to talk through today, because I think that as important. And if there was any two words, sometimes we talk about one word, but I’m going to do two words today.
If there are any two words I would like for our audience to take. Number one would be authenticity being your authentic self. And number two would be the word enough, not because you’ve had it up to here and you’ve had enough of this crap, but knowing you are enough am enough. Exactly. But maybe with less of a question mark at the end.
Yeah. Right. I am enough exclamation point. And the reason why you’re enough is because you have an implicit design of your biology and what you have been given is enough to get you through. And I, and I want to connect to that today.
Chris Gazdik: Cool. Yeah. If you have enough to get through, you have enough to be you and to feel good and grounded and whole in that.
Yeah. [00:29:00] And that is, that is a lot of what we try to do, you know, in, in generalized way and work with people through therapy. Absolutely.
Kasie Morgan: Absolutely. Because we w when you come into the office or it’s, it’s not a magic. Thing, right. Just like medications. They’re not magic pills, not a solution. They’re not a solution.
It doesn’t change your circumstance. It doesn’t change your situation. It doesn’t change your family. It doesn’t change your marriage. Doesn’t change your kid’s biology a little, you know, it can help level out the biology, but the rest of the stuff stays the same. Right. So we have to figure this out together in how we can kind of connect to that purposeful determination.
So, Chris, I want to ask you, like, does making a resolution, you think have a positive or negative impact on self-concept?
Chris Gazdik: Well, yeah, I see that. And
I think, I think I’ve gotten to know you well enough that I think I know where you’re going with that and the leading of the question. And so if I weren’t, [00:30:00] if I were just clear or, and not on the wavelength with you, I would really honestly kind of think like, well, no, I mean, it didn’t do anything negative.
I mean, it’s not, it doesn’t, I don’t think that it has to. Well, let, let me, let me go with where I almost can’t get out of it because I mean sync with you and, and yeah, it sets up unrealistic expectations and it’s going to create some negative vibe and it’s going to actually, everything we just talked about just gets it blows up in the face of everything we just talked about.
I’m not enough. I need to resolve to change something. I mean, you know, I get it, but, but I also think we need to be aware of like, I don’t know, how do I want to put that? They’re not bad. I mean, they’re fun. They’re, they’re not let let’s treat them what they are. It’s, it’s an opportunity to reset. It’s an opportunity to refresh it.
You know, it can be a new start. You know, we want to blow things up and create new things. Right? Well, we can blow 21 up and create new things in 22. So I don’t think they’re really bad. I don’t know [00:31:00] that they’re really bad nor good. I think. Maybe my landing spot is it’s how we use them. Is that a good landing
Kasie Morgan: spot?
I love that. Yeah, because that’s something that I do want to stress, like, because you have made a resolution or a goal for the new year or things like that. It’s not a negative thing to do that. Right. Like to any step forward is a great step, right? To think about things that you really want to commit to.
I think that what we want to do though, is understand what is the purpose of what we’re trying to do, which we’ll get to in a minute. And how does that connect to me on like a values in a values based way. So trying to dig deeper than just saying something like, I want to lose weight this year. So instead of saying like, I want to lose weight this year, which is always like a goal for me.
Right? Like it’s always been a goal. Right. But to think deeper than that, like it’s not about weight loss. It’s about. Taking ownership of [00:32:00] my helpful living so that I’m more active and can participate more with my children and connecting to it in a purposeful way so that I’m able to have a different perspective going into like a eating situation.
Right. So when I’m mindfully eating later on today, I’m making choices, not based on this concept of pure weight loss and number. But more so connecting to the value of healthy, being healthy for my kids and for myself and my family, you know, and being able to connect to it in a genuine and authentic way.
It makes sense. Absolutely.
Chris Gazdik: And again, it’s, it’s, you know, what’s your purpose? You know, we, we did a show with Craig, what’s your passion, what’s your purpose? What’s your what’s the other P ah, and. Principals. Yeah. Principles, passions, and purpose, you know, and we really talked a lot about that, you know, getting grounded and getting clear on what it is that you really want in your life.
Yeah.
Kasie Morgan: [00:33:00] Why, why do you think that some resolutions fail for people?
Chris Gazdik: They don’t do with this part of what we’re talking about? I do. I love the phrase that I had earlier. Neil maybe helped me out. Well, what was it that I said, you know, I don’t know that you can make a, a change in your life unless you’re really dealing with the mental health component.
That’s yeah. I really feel like they fail because we’re not really getting at the core of what led us emotionally or psychologically to the positions that we’re uncomfortable or with, or don’t
Kasie Morgan: like, right. Yeah, exactly. So why is it that our finances are in the toilet, which we make resolutions about why is it that we don’t exercise?
Why is it that. You know, we want to concentrate on our relationships this year and live our best lives and things like that. How did we get here? Right. And I think that, that becomes a really big essential question. How did we get here? Because everyone arrives where they are via a different bus. [00:34:00] Right. So and I think I’ve brought this phrase up on the show before too, you know, when COVID started and it was like, we’re all in this together.
We’re all in the same storm. So on and so forth. I don’t know, but right. Like we’re in this together now. We’re like every man for themselves, you know, like, sorry, but it’s true. Sad, but true. But I think that the truth is, is that we can all be in the same storm, but we’re all in different boats. And I think you have to recognize that, is that just because this person is having success doing X, Y, and Z in their life, like Dave Ramsey or something like that, or something like financial peace university and all of that.
Just because they’re having success with that does not mean that you will have the same success and it’s not because you are poor at the skills that it takes to do that, but it’s because you don’t have a similar connection to what the other individual has and why it works for them. Go ahead. What were you [00:35:00] saying?
You’re saying
Chris Gazdik: please. And I have an awesome metaphor, Dave we’re at, and I think we have good time for it. Let’s check this out, man. I wish I had the picture. I think, I think my wife has the picture. I think, I think she she’s the one that must have been her phone. Cause I don’t think it’s on my,
Kasie Morgan: the wife that I’m going to marry.
She does a really good job. Yeah.
Chris Gazdik: Awesome. Kasie compliment today. You’re like, I want to marry you and cause you clean well,
Kasie Morgan: and you’re awesome here, but I told your wife, I wanted to marry her. I just let it go. I just let it go. Sometimes things just
Chris Gazdik: pop out. So I had a chance. I took some really time off and we went to the beach down in the Florida area.
Emerald isle man is beautiful down there in Destin by the way. Yeah. And I get real reflective. I get real reflective anyway, around new year’s at the holidays. Well, I mean, yeah. It’s okay. Fine. Fair, fair, fair criticism or fair compliment. Which one is anyway, doesn’t matter. So I was at the beach and she loves silver dollars, sand, sand dollars.
It’s really always been her [00:36:00] thing and whatnot. And so I always kinda, you know, strolling lot the beach. I’m like, man, wouldn’t that be awesome. If I would find like, you know, a full-on silver dollar that I could present her, I’ve always wanted that experience. It never happened. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s ever going to happen, but maybe it doesn’t need to, because what happened this time, I had a really couple of strong reflection points this trip and this was one of them.
So it was just getting pieces. Of of, you know, saying dollars that were there. Am I saying that right? By the way, sand
Kasie Morgan: dollars. That’s right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it’s
Chris Gazdik: not silver, the sand dollars. And she had a piece and she, she showed me when we were sitting at the beach there one day, I was like, okay, cool.
So I’m walking along and like, you know what, let me get some pieces. I dunno why I was picking up these pieces, thinking like, I’ll just give her the biggest piece I could find her or whatever. And so I just picked up little pieces of these sand dollars that were there. And you know, I had a handful of them and I was getting my exercise and just walking the beach [00:37:00] and I came back and I sat down.
I was like, huh. And actually, as I was walking, I had the thought it’s interesting. Right? Like, I, I would always like to find a, a full sand dollar. That’s there a full, you know, fresh one that I find, but I only find these pieces and the waves. It just occurred to me how broken up we get in line. Right. That we all get broken in so many ways through the struggles and the challenges.
And so here I was holding these, these pieces of sand dollars, just thinking about as I was walking, like all of the brokenness that we have and the challenges and the, you know, the scars, that’s always a fun conversation. You know, what scars do you have? And I could show you the three or four that I have, you know, and we’re all scarred up.
And I sat down and again, I started just looking at the pieces and what am I going to do with these? I started fitting them together on my leg. Yeah. Right. And, and I fit them together in such a way where it looked like a full sand dollar. And I just looked at my wife and I said, okay, can I give you one of these corny metaphors that I come up with sometimes?
And she’s like, [00:38:00] just gave me that look. And she’s like, sure, what do you got? And I was like, oh my God, she actually wants to listen to it. This cool. So I told her this metaphor and I, and I asked her, I said, you know, we, we, we were made up a full sand dollar of pieces and is here is an image and a picture of the pieces of a sand dollar.
The brokenness that we all have, but that maybe you have a wholeness and don’t really know what you’re looking at. So I had her take a picture of it. Yeah. It just, yeah. I don’t know what that I thought that was. That’s pretty cool.
Kasie Morgan: I think that’s beautiful. And I think that plays wonderfully in what we’re talking about is that when we’re only looking at one piece, it looks super broken.
Right,
Chris Gazdik: right. You should’ve seen them bundles of them. In my hand, it was like, you know, G
Kasie Morgan: right. And, and we get called up and like the fractures of it and, and how many pieces there are, and the daunting task of trying to pick up all the pieces to stick with the metaphor. Right. But [00:39:00] when you stand back and you look at the picture of a whole as a whole, it’s a complete picture, full circle.
Yeah. It’s a complete circle and a circle is never-ending right. And so, yeah, so I love that metaphor because it makes a lot of sense. And so when we’re talking about having resolutions and being resolute, and we’re talking about that determination towards some type of purpose, what we want to think about is, you know, this is one piece of who we are, and there are so many things that are right about us that expanding those pieces does nothing but help fulfill the full
Chris Gazdik: picture when you’re doing resolutions.
Can we say if you’re building on the things that you like more than being resolute to take apart or add things to you you’ll be more successful as well? Absolutely. First.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. Because the one reason that I think. That resolutions as they are so spoken to be [00:40:00] fail is because there’s usually from my perspective, a misalignment with the personal values that we have, and not even like the staunch values, but even like sitting down, having family dinners, things like that, that some people like to do that are traditional, like traditionally part of their value system, when they want to implement like helpful eating and stuff, they start to fail because they’re stepping away from that value system to like, be so concerned and uptight into the piece of this is the diet.
This is the plan. This is this, this is this that they’re missing that connection, that community and things like that, the relationship that they actually have with food in general and the relationship they have with the people that they celebrate around. And it’s not like they can’t incorporate both into your life.
But I think it really becomes a situation of all or nothing. And when we talk about all or nothing in a therapy world, in the therapy, on the therapy couch, we [00:41:00] call that a cognitive distortion or a distorted way of thinking or an out of order kind of way of thinking where you can’t have both things.
Chris Gazdik: Cognitive distortion suck. Yeah. Let me, let me little this into what my clinical brain is doing is listening to you and whittling this into like, well, I’m being amazed, but not being like, let’s make this simple, right. street speak. If you will keep it simple, stupid, which one would be more successful in resolutions.
Okay. I suck. Let me change something. So I will be okay. Number one, number two. I am good enough. As I am, let me add something or take something out to become even better, more to what I want. Right. Which one is going to be more successful than
THe first one. You’re just going to fall on your face. Right?
The [00:42:00] second one, you’re really grounded in who you are and you’re adding something or taking something away. And again, it’s not so bad, we’re always being pruned or growing in a different direction. That’s a new leaf.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. So sometimes to, to grow, you have to get rid of excess for sure. But I think also what I’m trying to say here too, is that it doesn’t have to be an or situation.
A lot of these kind of resolutes or goals can be an and situation. Like I can still enjoy my life and be very cognizant of my financial situation and make a budget. I think what we do is we try to eliminate. So many things like out with the old and with the new that we start to eliminate things that we like about our lives, like about ourselves, like about who we already are, because we feel exactly what you said that we’re not enough as is.
And so instead of adding [00:43:00] to, or limit eliminating something, we’re more likely to just throw it away and want to start over. And I think that’s my point is I feel, and please hear this implicitly. There is nothing wrong with who you are as a person. There are things that have happened to you, but there is nothing wrong with you.
Yeah. And so when we function from a growth mindset, what we’re looking at is what has happened to you. And how do we work within that structure to connect to your values and make real and lasting changes in your life. So I know that’s a little deeper than just a new year’s resolution, but I hope by this time the audience has not expected anything less from me than a little bit deeper than that.
So, yeah. So are there healthier ways to approach goal setting then, or whatever you want to call it? Resolutions goal setting. I like goal setting, but
Chris Gazdik: like goal-setting as well. I mean, [00:44:00] I think that we’re only going to be able to touch on this component and get to like, you know, some of the things about, I think your next segment, how did you title it?
Excuse me, a self-improvement loving language because. Boy, there’s a lot to goal setting. I mean, it, it, you know, it’s something in my mastermind group, in the business mindset that I have trying to, you know, to, to, to run and having founded Metro on a psychotherapy associates, right. That, you know, we, we talk about, we work with there’s, there’s so much to goal setting.
I don’t even want to try. Pretend like we’re going to hit it as a little segment on this deal and do it justice, because this is something that’s really important. I forget what you asked me at this point, honestly, but like I think of, of, of Craig he’s really awesome with, with this stuff. I mean, his, his goal setting stuff is, is way above average.
And one of the things, for instance, he says is like, you know, writing things down makes, makes it like 70, 80% more likely to actually happen. [00:45:00] I mean, that’s, that’s a big deal, man. I mean, you want to have goals in your life in a direction. I believe very much still in a one, five and 10 year plan, you know People nowadays will say one, three and five years.
I still say the 10 year, because you know, you look at long, long distance. So I don’t know. I, like I said, I forget what you actually originally asked me, but there’s so much with goal setting. It’s really important stuff
Kasie Morgan: I was asking about like taking a healthier approach to it. So like, what do you think is a healthy approach to goal-setting?
Chris Gazdik: Yeah I don’t even know how to respond because there’s so much
valuing it, having them and having. The emotional permission to fail. Ooh, those are things that come to my mind yet because there’s a whole, a whole part with, you know, you, you set goals. If you say you want to set them hard, I guess I could go on and on and on and on this, you know, [00:46:00] you, you, you want to set goals.
Sometimes you can’t attain. Cause you know, then you get to moving in a strong direction, B set goals that are easily gonna get like, jeez, you know, like it’s, it’s, it’s nothing is nothing to it. You might set some small steps and then make them much more attainable and get some confidence and comfortable and keep going.
And you know, there’s a lot, like I said, I can go on and
Kasie Morgan: on. Yeah. So one of the seven healthy habits right. Is to start with the end in mind. Right. And so sometimes I think if you work backwards, You do a really good job of setting short-term and long-term goals. Right. So
Chris Gazdik: see yourself as you will become.
Yeah.
Kasie Morgan: Right. So this is where you are today, right? So inspecting yourself. So check in with who you are today, what are the things that you actually value about yourself that you like about yourself that speak to you as strengths within yourself? So knowing those components. Right. So I think that’s a really important step is to be [00:47:00] reflective in the present.
This is what I like about myself. Not thinking through the things that I’m mourning about myself, the body I had when I was 16. Like, I’m not thinking through that, but this is where I’m at today. And then like you said, future self, what do I want my life to look like? Because that’s going to expose where you feel like the gaps are.
Right. So here I am today, what do I want life to look like? And sometimes we can put a timestamp on. And sometimes we can’t, because
Chris Gazdik: that’s why I like a one five and 10-year plan. And I have a therapy activity I do with it piece of paper, you know, the whole first side is one year from now. This is what I will accomplish the turn page over two thirds or three quarters of the page is between now and five years from now.
And you get that little third of the page on the back. This is the 10 year plan. So much it’s changing in the next 10 years, but you really can, can set yourself into a direction. And then [00:48:00] you funnel all the immediate pieces that you’re concerned about, but it, it, it almost forces you in a way to change the way that we operate in such a fast paced society and world that we just w you know, we engaged all the one-year things.
And then look at that way out there. That’s, that’s ultimately where I want to go, you know? And so it’s valuable. It’s, it’s super important to feeling.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. And I even go smaller scale in my office sometimes. You know, in the next 30 days or whatever, what are we wanting to see in the next 30 days? You know?
Cause for most people that come to see me 30 days is going to be four appointments, right? Like, yeah. Like one, one day at a time. Yeah. And so I think that that’s the thing. And for some people, even some people listening today, it’s going to be from now until the next hour from now, especially when we’re in the crux of things like addiction and things like that.
Right? Like sober being sober lifestyle is a choice we make every minute, you know? So I think that there are those things as well. But I think the first thing is, is to be reflective on where we are [00:49:00] right now. So Chris is right that the title of the next segment that I wanted to jump into as we kinda get to a point where we’re wrapping up this discussion about resolutions are some takeaways for our audience on things that you can actually do to kind of hone in on.
What you want your kind of new year’s resolution to be, or your goal to be. And I really do want to title this improved self-loving LANGUAGE. And I
Chris Gazdik: love the way that you’re titling that because it does sum up a lot of what we’re talking about. I mean, you know, that’s why it just struck me and it maybe I didn’t say it totally well.
And I think we were saying the same thing when I’m like, you know, I suck, so let me add this to my life or take this away from my life is not going to be nearly as successful as a, as a self-loving language. Right? Like being able to say, I am enough. I like who I am. I am grounded in that. Like, I, I have accomplished Whitney Houston’s goal, a greatest [00:50:00] love of all, you know, love myself without being too sounding too corny.
And, but, and I’m going to do this differently or that differently. And I think that’s where I diverged. And we said it a little differently. You know, I can add this or take this away in that space. If I’m really engaging in, you know, self loving. It’s
Kasie Morgan: huge. Yeah. And, and, you know, back at the very beginning of the whole show, I said that one of my two words going into the new years, authenticity and the other one is enough.
Right. So we’ve hit enough pretty hard. But if I’m being my authentic self for you, Neil, the audience I, I don’t always love myself. I don’t, but when I get to those places where I don’t always love myself, I reflect back on, there are so many people in my life that love me, you know, like my kids, for example.
Right. So number one is to have reflection of the self and have that [00:51:00] be through the lens of ourselves. But to also recognize that through the lens of other people, we are enough. And I think not everybody always gets that. Is that even on my worst days, my kids still feel I’m the best mom. Yeah. So one of my resolutions are an example of.
Making a self-loving language resolution would be, my goal is to continue being the best mom that I can be to my kids and set of saying, I’m going to be gentler. I’m going to be kinder. I’m going to be like, you know, all of these things. I want to continue to be the best mom to my kids because my kids think I am the best mom.
So
Chris Gazdik: work out here for just a second, right? Because I think, you know, this, this is cool. This is a totally different part of resolutions and you’re right. I don’t think people think about this a whole lot. I, I hope you stay tuned into the show and you’re still here with us because [00:52:00] this is to me. Totally fresh and different.
Nothing that I’ve ever heard of before. And I think is really cool. So thank you in advance, right? Like the idea that when we’re doing, you know, hopefulness and change and being resolute on our end with ourselves, life planning, life, goaling all of that. Now I have heard it with goal set goal setting. Yeah.
Don’t do this alone. Right. What, what I heard you just say is interestingly. Yeah. Like there are times I don’t love myself. There are times I hate myself. There are times I’m feeling full of shame and full of guilt and full of disgust and disdain with what I have done. Right. And if we’re not being honest with ourselves about that, we’re, we’re failing ourselves.
Cause those are part of the human, emotional experience. Well, that is also part of what happens with resolutions with, with goal-setting with, with life progression, with, with growth. And what I heard you just say is choose your friends wisely, right? Like be around people that love you when you’re not loving yourself.
Which is also a [00:53:00] powerful piece of what religion can offer us for sure. Stands to be right in front of us with that, you know, your creator, whatever religion or creed you may follow loves you. Right? So if you realize that you are created that you are engaged, you’re, you’re a person, a friend, a boss, and employee, a mom, a dad, a business partner.
I mean, these are people that love and care about you when you’re not loving yourself. And that enables you to go forward. So have a social support network to use our clinical term. I think that’s huge. That’s really, really,
Kasie Morgan: yeah. And one really cool skill that you can use kind of as a Socratic way. That’s another like therapy thing.
I know. Definitely, but yeah. As a way to kind of measure that for yourself as if you’re having a low moment. Okay. So you’re in, you’re in it to win it. You’ve got these goals set before you you’re doing well and [00:54:00] you come upon a low
Chris Gazdik: moment. What was it? We said Kasie is the co-host with the most.
Kasie Morgan: Yes. And you’re having the live moment is like, if you take just a moment and think about the person you trust the most, to tell you the truth.
Okay. And sometimes, and sometimes that’s your life partner. Sometimes that’s not, you know, because sometimes, you know, they might be too harsh or too lenient depending. Right. But really thinking through like, who would really tell you the truth. And for me, like that person would be my mom. Like my mom is objective.
She’s going to tell me if I’m like, you know, BSC, which is batshit crazy. Or if I’m being like super reasonable, you know, she’ll tell me the truth. And so if you take a moment and think, okay, This is how I’m feeling right now about myself and where I’m at in my process. And instead of thinking about how you feel about it, think for just a moment, what would that person say to you about the feelings that you’re having?[00:55:00]
And I think that that is a good kind of almost existential way to measure up what you think and how you feel about yourself in the moment. She’s
Chris Gazdik: awesome. Cause you know, in the new year we’re depressed and we’re grieving. We lost a lot of people. You may have lost your mom. You may have lost your dad, but you can still, what I hear you saying, engage in that social support network when you’re alone in your room at three o’clock in the
Kasie Morgan: morning.
Yes. And so that’s why I’m speaking to everyone today. I’m not speaking to those who are married. I’m not speaking to those who are, you know, single and loving life or, or those with kids or without kids. I’m speaking to everyone because you can do that existential exercise and still really remain focused on your goals.
So the second thing about improved self-loving language is to really increase quality time over quantities of time in what you do. So when we are truly loving ourselves, the quality of the time we spend on ourselves far [00:56:00] outweighs the quantity of, yeah,
Chris Gazdik: it’s super good to run around with kids. And I got to do the thing for the church.
I got to go around to the school and participate in community. I got to do podcasts and write a book and you know,
Kasie Morgan: all the things like we just, we fill our lives with a lot of
Chris Gazdik: things. There is no time for grocery shopping by the way ever. Right. But you can still. What
Kasie Morgan: you can still implement quality of time instead of quantities of time.
Right. And so the way you want to do that is a lot of what we’ve talked about when we’ve talked about mindfulness on the show and things like that is that instead of pushing self-love to early in the morning with our early morning workout here where those psychos are, or late in the evening. Yeah. But, or, or just, just in the evening, like, oh my God, I just need to get to five 30 so I can have my time or whatever throughout the day increase the quality of time you spend connecting to [00:57:00] yourself.
And so sometimes maybe it’s, you know, getting out your Bible and reading your. Or connecting to quotes or losing yourself and memes are for you. I know that you play your game in here because I’ve seen you several times.
Chris Gazdik: Absolutely. It’s absolutely crucial to turn my brain off. I was going to say that you beat me to the punch.
I mean, I’ve had literally, I’ve had a busy day. I’ve actually got some emotional things are on my brain or at a tough session or things are going on. I will make people wait in the lobby room. Isn’t it terrible? I mean, it’s three, four minutes maybe, but I’m going to make you wait and get myself right.
Prepare for what I’m doing through the day, multiple times through the day.
Kasie Morgan: And I would arguably say that that is not terrible because unless there is a major crisis and that lobby, which there isn’t, if there is a major crisis in that lobby, we would have to attend to that for sure. Right. But the truth is, is it would be far more terrible.
For you to not be functioning at your best self and then go out [00:58:00] there, get those people, bring them into your office and deliver therapy services. If you are not feeling well within yourself. Right. For me.
Chris Gazdik: Right.
Kasie Morgan: It it’s quality time. I like to catch a 15 minute power nap in my chair in there. Like I do that sometimes.
Like if I have a little bit of leftover lunchtime or whatever, like I try to recharge for like 15 minutes and sometimes I close my eyes and sometimes I just listen to songs or whatever the case may be, but I need that. Like that is that reset. But
Chris Gazdik: siestas love you. Yeah, they do
Kasie Morgan: love you. Yeah. And I love it.
And so even on my kid’s favorite movie, Cruella, the person takes a nine minute power nap and puts two pieces of cucumber on her eyebrow.
Chris Gazdik: That’s something new. It’s
Kasie Morgan: a great movie. I love it. Have you seen it? It’s very good. It’s got real stone in it. It’s great. She’s she’s fantastic. Okay. Reconnect to the parts of yourself that you truly enjoy and value about you.
For example, being creative. So making the [00:59:00] Steelers football team. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I have my whole church shirt on because I love home church where I go to church. Yeah. So this is not the name of it. It’s called home church. Yeah. Never heard of it. It’s where anybody can feel at home. And also we believe that a large portion of church starts in your home.
So anyway, interesting. Lots of things there. It’s in Denver, North Carolina on the campus of north Lincoln high school. Come check us out. But anyhow, so, so what this is is that resolutions don’t have to be these big. Thanks. Right. Like it doesn’t have to be lose a hundred pounds in a year. It doesn’t have to be something like that.
There’s more make a hundred thousand dollars more, you know, hire the best clinician at your private practice so she can kill it for you. It doesn’t have to be that. It, it literally can be something as simple as reconnecting to being creative. So, or reconnecting to the things that you actually enjoy [01:00:00] about yourself, like reading.
That’s one of my biggest authentic things this year. I want to read for fun. And this
Chris Gazdik: year I have absolutely gotten through book three of game of Thrones. I have put it off for like three or four years and I was stubbornly not reading anything else. And I love it. And I may actually just go back into like book bore.
The reason being is it takes so long to read these books. They’re so big, so thick, so descriptive. So yeah. You know what hobbies, what do I w what I just thought. Th to my brain is the cornerstone of mental health. You’re talking about self care. You’re talking about the cornerstone, get into the hobbies, get back into the things that you enjoyed getting into those things that you have actually quite possibly lost.
I’ll highlight the lost decade that we talked about before, there are a lot of people listening to us right now that are in that lost decade time period of their life. And you’ve literally lost the things that, how did you put it that you can re-establish with because you celebrate [01:01:00] you,
Kasie Morgan: right? Yeah.
And that’s what this is, is celebrating you. If you like hiking, go hiking, like take a walk, you know, things like that. And if there are things that you can no longer do. Trying to think creatively around how to get back that and recapture that essence or feeling, for example, like if you’ve had
Chris Gazdik: jumping, because I’m thinking with my theory, I can’t tell you how many times in therapy with people specifically, they have already kind of fallen into their own guide with that of wanting to get back into the art that they do.
Yeah. Have you got a lady with clay pots? It’s wonderful to hear her talk about getting actually back in to throw in a pot. Yeah. You know, and, and there’s another lady that I’m talking about loves drawing and creating, you know, these, these funny as hell art pictures, you know, it’s so yeah. Reestablish you and your passions you enjoy,
Kasie Morgan: and it doesn’t have to be something that becomes a business or something that you sell or anything like [01:02:00] that.
It can literally just be for the enjoyment of. So sometimes it’s like doodling or whittling, or I’ve had people that work with wood that were work with different materials, whatever the case may be, but it’s that quality over quantity and it’s being creative or even connecting to yourself, like in a service to others capacity.
Like one of my biggest areas that I love as far as quality is concerned is I volunteer as a guardian ad litem. And I love that because this is a volunteer capacity to represent the best interest of children that are involved in the DSS process, wherever they are in that process. And I represent their interests in court.
And right now I have an infant baby on my caseload, and then I have another child that’s four years old. And so that volunteerism of connecting to that purpose, that’s outside of my life. Brings a lot of joy and fulfillment to my life. And so I think [01:03:00] sometimes connecting to something outside of ourselves can actually improve our own life because it, it helps enhance the qualities that we really value about who we are.
Chris Gazdik: Big brothers, little
Kasie Morgan: sisters. Yeah. Things like that. Yeah. Anything like that? Yeah. Or just, you know, watching your niece and nephew or, you know, whoever. As part of a service to other people, I think it can be really important. Setting realistic goals, just smart, which means specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound.
Chris Gazdik: We did a big thing with Craig on smart goals. And that’s part of what I was saying with gold setting. Like it’s cool that you put this in the segment of, of loving yourself and improving your loving language to yourself with goal setting. I mean, that’s what I’m saying. There’s so much with goal setting that we can do tying them together like that and just creating, you know, those smart goals that are achievable.
That’s cool. Cool. Yeah.
Kasie Morgan: And so and then the last one I have on here is that the insurance of the [01:04:00] goals, the assurance of the goals are aligned with your personal values. And if you’re having a hard time with that, I think one of the best ways you can love yourself is to sit down with yourself. Like we said before, And think through what are my values.
And if you feel like they’re misaligned, because we’ve stepped off in a way, or you’ve gotten involved in something that you’re not proud of, or, you know, you’re feeling an immense amount of shame or. Then I think realigning, those can simply be the best resolution that you can have with your, I don’t know why
Chris Gazdik: I’m like a Craig on my brain so much, but Neil helped me out.
You may know off the brain or check it real quick. How do we contact craig graves? Because I, I want to really refer our audience to that. You know, this last part you’re, you’re talking about again, right? Your principles. Purpose your passions. Like we just did an awesome show and I’ve had a couple of people in my therapy office, you know, being able to, to say like, I really want to do that kind of work.
I [01:05:00] want to think about that. And I want to say like, you know, he can, he can work with you anywhere in the nation or the world for that matter. And that is like, that is quintessentially, like our whole conversation centers around getting really in touch with that part of you. And he said that he would meet with you for like a time or two for free.
It absolutely just wants to meet with you for free and be able to kind of go through that work that he documented with us on our show. So again, I don’t know why Craig’s on my brain, but a Neo. How do they, how do they get up with this guy? It’s when, in your mind. Dot com perfect. And while we have them, all the other notes I’ve used searched the website.
Here’s why, here’s why I’ve talked to always in there. Yeah. He’s all around. He’s all around, but he would love to connect with you for free and talk with you about that because you’re right, Kasie. I mean, being able to be on the ground floor of yourself, really looking at what am I passionate about? What am I principles in life that I really want to follow you follow?
What is my purpose? And that will set up what my [01:06:00] direction is. You know, people hear this on my voice. You know, I had a friend of mine refer somebody in their family to listening to the substance abuse, the sex addiction topics that I would, I did. And it was funny pet Kasie because, and I screw a lot of things up and I know this is gonna sound a little area when I go through this, but, you know, whatever.
She was like, oh wow, he’s really excited about substance, you know, sex, addictions and stuff. And I got to thinking, I’m going to like, like, oh, not any more than the other topics that we talk about, but I think she, must’ve probably just listened to that. I suppose she heard my passion with it. Like I hope genuinely what comes through through a therapist is a genuine, passionate attitude about the thing that we’re talking about on that given day.
Yeah. That’s a big point.
Kasie Morgan: Yeah. And so that’s why I was glad to do this show today because one of the biggest things that I’m the most passionate about when it comes to understanding the human emotional experience is that before you can make a commitment to do [01:07:00] anything else, you have to commit to yourself and that’s through self-love that’s through therapy, maybe that’s through getting connected spiritually that’s through, you know, getting connected with another person because we’ve been in this pandemic for two years and, you know, different things are coming out.
It’s not slowing down, you know, whatever the case may be and wherever you are right now in your walk and in your journey in life, Before you can commit to anything else. You have to commit to yourself, your health and your wellbeing and whatever that means to you. However, that looks however small or however big that is it’s one of the most important things you will ever do for yourself is to commit to you and to know that you are enough
Chris Gazdik: you’re enough.
I think we’ve developed a look into the camera guys and the summary of our show. I think Kasie just nailed it. I’ll [01:08:00] just leave it at that. We will see you guys next week. Here’s to 2022 to take care of ya.